4 yr old won't go to bed? please please please help?

Question

my 4 y/o will not go to bed at night. this is a new thing for him. it's been going on for maybe a month. i've tried taking things away, grounding, losing allowance, rewarding him for going to bed, and just about everything else i can think of. i don't know what else to do. i really need help. it's driving me crazy. and he's not getting enough sleep so he's cranky and mean. please help me, i appreciate any advice you have. i'm a "single" mom, my husband is working in india and we're in utah, with a 7 y/o 4 y/o and a 7 mo old. thanks for any advice.

he does not take naps, ever

Answer 1

i would suggest to not give the child a nap and make many play dates becasue maybe then they wopuld be tired form playing all day hopefully that helsp if not i gusggest to addddddddddddd dimatap to your night time ritual. good luck with that

Answer 2

Welcome to parent hood. I say that light heartedly. My son went through the same thing. Here is what we did and it worked for us, hopefully it will work for you.

First of all make sure your child is not getting lots of caffine and lots of chocalate which contains caffine. This causes restlessness and is much worse in children.

Secoundly, take your son to the store, let him pick out a sleepy time toy of his very own, whether it be a stuffed animal or action figure car whatever. Also have him pick out a book he really likes.

Now, when you put your son to bed, he may be kicking and screaming. Read him the book, play with him with the toy, this is making good memories, and then lay him down to sleep. Sit quietly in his room not looking at him. Sit on the floor. If he gets up, put him back to bed and give him his good memory toy. Each time he gets up do the same thing. Give him no eye contact and do not talk to him. Do not be mean either. He may be kicking and screaming but stick with it, just keep putting him back in bed. Eventually he will stop fighting and he will fall asleep. It takes about a week, but eventually you will have him going to bed at a decent our and getting enough rest.

I understand your pain, and actually this is not an original, I got the idea from super nanny. My son was six, but because he is developmentally delayed he was more like two in his brain. I was exhausted and we were both cranky. This really did work for my son. You are doing a good job, and you are not a bad parent. Just remember, don't give in, and don't get rough with him. Just keep taking him back to the bed everytime he gets up. The book and toy is important because it helps you establish a routine, and he will become familer with it. His mind with condition this with a possitive way to fall alseep.

I hope this works for you. good luck.

Answer 3

I had a friend who went through this as well, except I'm not sure if this is the same situation. Her little one could not go to sleep, she would sleep and then wake up in the night. She wasn't getting enough sleep so she was always cranky and tired. They had to go get her observed overnight at a hospital. Afterwards they found out that opening in the back of the throat was not big enough, so when she would start REM sleep, she would not get enough air, so she would wake up. So she could never get the sleep she needed, she need to get an operation to widen the opening in her throat. I don't know if your situation would be that bad, but some places do observations during the night if it comes to that ie: Stanford Hospital has a Sleep Disorders Clinic.

Answer 4

Wow, you do have your hands full honey. I would put the 7 y/o and the 7 m/o to bed, then take the 4 y/o by the hand and put him to bed, sit by the bed and read him some stories very quietly, leave a low-watt light on, and stay by the bed until he is fast asleep. It's a good way to help him start enjoying reading, and he will get to enjoy Mommy time just for himself. Best wishes!

Answer 5

I have autistic (more developmentally delayed) twin boys who will be 5 in Feb that do the same thing. There a number of things that you can do.
Start off with no more naps. If he's still a grouch monster, then limit the nap to 1 hour. Make sure it is around 11 but no later than 1:00 p.m. when he takes his nap.
Schedule his bed time consistantly, like 8 p.m. If he like to read, then leave a small light on and let him read his books (don't you do the same?)
If THAT doesn't work, then let him sleep where ever he will fall asleep. For the longest time, it was the couches, then one of my sons HAD to sleep with me, kicking the wife out of bed (she would sleep in his bed), and after they would fall asleep, we would put them in their beds.
If he still uses a bottle, and drinks milk, warm up the milk! My boys are still drinking out of the bottles, but it's apple juice, and it's cut down to 1/3 juice to 2/3 water. Thank God Pampers came out with size 7 cruizers!

Putting the kid to sleep like Sully tried in Monsters Inc doesn't work (go to sleeeeep.....NOW), I've tried. :-)

Answer 6

Number one why is an almost four year old telling you what to do???? Talk to him and ask him why you need to be in the bed with him. Ask is he scared, is he cold, is there something in the room that bothers him???? Bedtime same time every day no matter what!!!!!!! Routine kids are happier because they know everyday just what is going to happen. If he is scared go find a fear killer. My brother had a giant ceramic King Kong to fight unseen things in the dark. My boys all and to this day have a special blanket that keeps you warm and chases all the bad things to me so I can run them off. I keep a belt by my bed to run off the bad things that bothered my boys. I would swing the belt in the air and run off the bad things with a whack here and a whack there till they felt secure I ran it out of the room and house. Any one who got out of the bed lost 5 minutes of play time each time they got out of bed. No one ever lost more than 30 minutes. Last but not least mean what you say and say what you mean.. If you say go to bed mean it. If you say I will take something if you get up then go get it. Mean what you say.!!!

Answer 7

Before bedtime make sure you do calm quiet things with him.. no rowdy run around the house kind of games. Give him a bath, read a story together then take him to bed. When he gets up the first time tell him its time for bed and lay him back down and evey time after that when he gets up say nothing to him just take him back to bed. He may get up 20 times but it doesn't matter just take him back to bed without saying anything to him. Eventually he will learn that bedtime means bedtime you just have to stick with it.

Answer 8

take him to bed and lay down with him until he falls asleep. Is he taking a nap during the day that is making him less sleepy at bed time? If so, take the naps away so that he is more tired at night. All things considered, this behavior won't last forever, thats for sure. Hang in there Mom!

Answer 9

honey,don't punish him for not be able to go to sleep and stop rewarding him when he does!!!The truth is u r treating ur 4 y/o like a dog.Listen just sing him a lullaby,tell him a story,make some exciting thing happen everday so he/she will be tierd,when he is sleeping during the day make him/her wake up so he will be tierd.He might be doing this because something is troubling him,is it because he misses he daddy?It may be,how long ago did he leave?Your 4y/o might be thinking to much of him at night,if u r thinking he is 2 young to be like that I wouln't say that because kids of any age can have troubles like that!How about you get someway to talk to each other and have him/her talk to him everynight.Hon,calm down has anything changed since about a month ago 2,3 months ago if yes figure out a way to fix it b4 it gets worse.Well see ya and I hope I helped!!!!!!!!!!!Oh almost forgot ya know it may just be a stage that soon will wear of don't worry ok its ok my 5 y/o brother is acting th same way now well my mom figured out what it is and found a way to fix it oh and hey u can email me to figure out what it is bye!!!!!

Answer 10

He is old enough to understand that when it's bedtime, it's bedtime. There should be no reward for doing somthing that is a finite issue. Bedtime should not be a punishment, but there is no reward either. He is 4, he knows that you are busy with the baby...and your older child is probably laying low...
Put him to bed, shut the door. If he gets up, take him back to bed, put him in it and tell him FIRMLY that he is not to get out!! Period, do not leave any room for questions or give him any inkling if you are unsure about this. PERIOD. IT is bedtime.
Continue doing this... and if you are consistant, he will know you are serious. Once again...I am going to reiterate...BOUNDARIES.
He is playing you because he is seeing if he can trust what you say is true. Let him know that you can be trusted! :)
Good luck!

Answer 11

This is really hard thing to fix.My 4 y/o was like that.The only thing that helped was to keep him up without any nap after he wakes up(atleast 12 hours) until he gets sleepy.And sometimes we gave him some drowsy cough medicine.