One of my brothers is due to get married next July. We have always had a very rocky relationship, but since he met her we've spoken maybe 3-4 times (in about 5-6 years!). I cannot stand her and she physically repulses me. She has created an even deeper split between us. Attending a wedding is supposed to be about supporting the couple and celebrating their love...but I can't and I don't. I'm from a big family and I am expected to go, but I just can't bring myself to even THINK of attending. I need some constructive advice, please!!....
2007-10-27 15:53:01 · 22 answers · asked by chwiggett 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I am from a small family. My brother got married this summer to a woman we think is awful. Quite honestly, during their relationship, my B went from a cool guy to a self absorbed jerk as well.
I didn't want to go. But of course I did and it was fine. I didn't talk to the couple at all (except when I approached them to say good night) I did it for several reasons. The big one was out of respect and support for my parents. Also, it was not any financial hardship to attend, and we did not go early or stay late, we were in town less than 48 hours. I do my best to think positively and that they will grow and mature as people and me being civil keeps the door open for a good relationship in the far away future.
I also think that in my brother's case, there is a good chance his marriage will not last. By being the bigger person, hopefully he knows that when the time comes he can turn to me for support.
Since you are from a big family, you should be able to attend the wedding without talking to the bride or groom at all. Just hang with the family you like. Leave early. Skip the rehearsal dinner and brunch.
If you just can't go, you need a really good excuse. What's your job? Can you use some big project or promotion as an excuse? Or you should schedule something huge, like you are taking the whole summer to hike the appalachian trail and cannot do anything else. Or get pregnant or foster a child. Or maybe even just join Big Brother/Big Sisters and then explain that you can't leave your new important commitment.
You should take the high road as much as possible. Send a nice gift.
If you do go, you might enjoy wearing white. Get your hair and makeup done, you'll be better looking than the bride.
2007-10-27 16:04:20 · answer #1 · answered by Katherine 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First off, he is your brother. If you think that things are bad now, try not going. Do you think things would get better or worse? And just because he is with her, and it may have a little to do with it, your brother is his own person. He is grown and making his choices. If he chooses to not talk with you very much, that is his choice. Maybe communications are not good between you guys because he is happy and knows of your problem with her and tries not to make rifts.
My advice; and that is all it is, is that you guys sit and talk. All of you. Get everything out in the open. Maybe when you talk, you can establish grounds and maybe even work on having a relationship. And if he is truly happy then that's great. If for some reason they don't work out, at least he knows his sister tried and will be there for him. You all need to be grown-ups though and handle with maturity. And if that doesn't work and you have tried all you can, at least you can honestly say that everything possible was done on your part.
But only take this advice if you are willing to see a little of the side your brother sees and appreciate the fact the he is in love and is going to marry this woman. She will be at Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday parties, etc.
Good luck and God Bless.
2007-10-27 19:43:29 · answer #2 · answered by Just a girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've only spoken to your BROTHER 3 or 4 times in the last 5 or 6 YEARS, how could someone you don't even KNOW obviously repulse you?????? How can you dislike someone so much without even giving her ANY kind of a chance???? Don't you DARE tell me you know this girl because if you have only spoken to your brother less then one time a YEAR, you certainly haven't had any conversations with his FIANCEE in that time. I think you should go to the wedding with something called an OPEN MIND instead of the closed one you have now and give the girl a chance.... 20 years from now, you may just regret not going and you can NEVER get it back.... and while you are at it, why not sit back and try to figure out WHY you have always had a "rocky relationship " with your brother!!!! Listen I have 3 brothers and 2 of them have done some really nasty things to me over the years, but they are my BROTHERS and that is something I can NEVER change...
2007-10-27 16:10:45 · answer #3 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You don't support the couple in this case, you're supporting your brother. BIG difference. If you don't go, you will hurt your brother. Be happy for your brother, and support your brother.
FYI, I have 2 brothers, each with a wife. The last time I talked to one of my sisters in law was in March 2007 (at their wedding). Actually, that's the last time I spoke to the other one as well, and she and my brother have been married over 13 years.
2007-10-27 16:54:47 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say what to do without knowing the details, but I would suggest that you would really be going to support your brother and interact with your family. He may or may not even notice you are there, but I guarantee you that your parents and other relatives would notice if you are not there and it could cause a further rift in a direction you do not want! Just go and spend most of your time away from the bride and groom. Who knows, down the road you may want to try to reconcile, especially if there is a niece or nephew in the pictures.
2007-10-27 16:15:28 · answer #5 · answered by PixdeeArtist 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If there is any hope at all of salveaging your relationship with your brother you can and should attend his wedding with a big smile on your face. Unless of course you feel that your unhappiness would disrupt the ceremony in some way.
People tend to remember these things and not showing up would be like a message to him and also to the rest of your family. I would seriously consider working things out with your brother and his fiance. You may not like her, but it sounds like you'll have to tolerate her.
Perhaps it's time for a one on one with your brother.
2007-10-27 15:59:57 · answer #6 · answered by Kristen 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Look, regardless of your past, there may be a better future ahead. This is one of those times to put the past behind you, put on a smile and try to be happy for your brother even if you think he's making the biggest mistake of his life. If you don't attend, he may read into it as you don't want to foster any kind of relationship with him even in the future. Believe me, your brother will know you weren't there and it will not be forgotten. You don't have to support your SIL, but you should support your brother.
2007-10-27 16:52:18 · answer #7 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you go to the wedding for your brother. If you hope to maintain any type of relationship with him, you need to go to the wedding.
You do not need to get into big conversations with the bride. She will be very busy at the wedding anyway. If you must speak with her . . . say, "best wishes" or "your gown is lovely" or something neutral like that. Then move on.
But do go to the wedding, for your brother's sake.
2007-10-28 00:15:51 · answer #8 · answered by Suz123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should think about it like you are supporting your brother and his happiness, you don't have to agree with his choice for a wife and you aren't going to the wedding for her benefit. Not going can only make things worse. You should do your best to get along if only because you'll want to be involved in the lives of any future nieces and nephews.
2007-10-27 17:30:07 · answer #9 · answered by Alan S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, attending a wedding is NOT about supporting, endorsing, approving, or otherwise making public your views on the union. It is about making a public display of family unity, and support for all members, even when that member does something that isn't universally popular.
2007-10-28 06:16:34 · answer #10 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋