1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
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10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
*Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why aren't the letters on a keyboard in order?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( I have no other time to dry my hair).
On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." ( But, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well.... a bit late huh?)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...nahhh... Really??...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
2007-10-27 14:49:41 · 20 answers · asked by eekababy 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Funny!! Thanks!!
P.S. I CAN put on mascara with my mouth closed!
2007-10-27 14:53:54 · answer #1 · answered by Silva 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can answer the one about the typewriters. When typewriters were first invented, it was found that some people could type fast enough to have the keys jam. Remember, the machines were mechanical with the levers rising to strike the ribbon. The current keyboard was configured to slow down the typist long enough for the letter arms to clear each other. The configuration has stayed this way out of habit.
2007-10-27 15:20:08 · answer #2 · answered by MICHAEL R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only in america we created the light bulb the car the tv video games in only america we where the first to the moon only in america we win every war ONLY IN FŪCKING AMERICA dįćk face
2016-04-10 22:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol that's one of the funniest things i've seen
..I know why they don't make the aeroplanes out of the black box crap, its because it would be to heavy for an aeroplane to lift off.
2007-10-27 15:10:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol wow a good one
2007-10-27 14:53:25 · answer #5 · answered by yep yep yep 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lol
That made my day
2007-10-27 15:38:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my god im giving u a star! woo hoo! it's sad but true.
2007-10-27 14:54:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, u just made my day...star for u
2007-10-31 02:05:00 · answer #8 · answered by yaa a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL loved that!
2007-10-29 05:33:54 · answer #9 · answered by darjeeling_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are pretty good
2007-10-27 15:45:19 · answer #10 · answered by jrjunior42 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋