I am 22 years old and recently started seeing an old flame from when I was 17. I believe he came back ino my life for a reason and I think he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend any day now. Back when I was 17, he and I fooled around (never had sex but came very close).
I don't want him to think of me as the same "slutty" girl I once was, because I'm really not anymore. I will wait to sleep with him until he asks me out officially, but how long should I wait? I want this guy to have complete respect for me... I'm so used to being disrespected because I jump into the sexual aspects of relationships early.
Please help! How long should I wait?
2007-10-27 13:41:07 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
marriage
2007-10-27 13:43:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
Even if you wait for the longest time, there's no guarantee that this relationship will work. It's been four years, things change have changed and you and your old flame are not the same teenagers back then. I'm not so sure what you mean by"slutty" in your terms since you never had anything physical with him. Why do you say you're used to being disrespected? What exactly do you do that you get disrespected? I'm not very clear with this statements. Regain your friendship with him and let him make the first move. You can take it from there. And as I said in the beginning, no guarantees.
2007-10-28 13:36:46 · answer #2 · answered by MaTriX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want someone to respect you, you have to respect yourself first. There isn't any particular set time to wait (or not wait) before you engage in sexual behavior. However, you should never engage in something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Take your time. If he really cares about you, he should be willing to wait until you are sure of yourself and your relationship. I'm not saying test him, because that will only start you out on the wrong foot, but don't be afraid to say no.
You should wait until you feel comfortable with it all and the time is right. Remember, as I'm sure you know, sex changes a relationship (not necessarily for the worse). Which is why our teachers and grandparents always tell us to wait.
2007-10-27 13:52:48 · answer #3 · answered by Dwabi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait until you feel like you're in love with him, and he you. It usually takes a while before both feel ready to verbalize this and you are officially a Serious Couple. Then, I think it's fine to move into expressing this love physically.
A lot of people tend to put cart before the horse, though... they start out sleeping together and then wonder why it never develops into love? Because you're just sex partners, that's why!
So, I wouldn't say there's a specific length of time... and don't just hop into bed because he says, "I love you." You should be able to use your head and know whether or not he means it and know how you feel also. I think sex is a decision to make when you're fully clothed and in your right mind, not half-way through a make-out session. But, that's just me.
BTW, I'm 34 and have had 6 sex partners in my life. 3 of them were of the "what the hell..." variety, and those 3 I would undo if I could.
2007-10-27 13:49:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As loooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnngggggggg as you can,,,just because you knew him before does not mean that yo know him NOW. Do you want a relationship with him that is based soley on sex, or do you want to get to know him again? If you have sex with him soon, it will make it a SEXUAL relationship primarily...once you do it, there is nothing to look forward to but more sex. Sex can be very distracting and my advice to you is to wait and build a relationship that is not a sexual one, if that is what you want. WAIT. If you cannot wait, then you will never know what you could have had with him.
Wait at least 3 months (just kidding-I cannot really put a time on it for you...it is a personal decision that requires much thought and inflection)
hope it works out for you!
Peace and blessings!
2007-10-27 13:47:15 · answer #5 · answered by BLBHF 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're 22 now. You should wait until you've dated him at least 3 times... if you can LOL. Most guys are pretty excited going out with a new girl - so it's tough after the first date. Usually I get it after the first date - so if I have to wait a second or third - I start to wonder - then after the third - I am definately worried. So - just be sure you like him and be sure he's got class. Be sure to visit where he lives so you know he's not a freak or a slob.
2007-10-27 13:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should wait until you are comfortable with the idea of sex with this guy. Once you establish that he isn't hanging around to get a piece of action and you know he's a decent guy you can trust, then you'll know it's the right time. Placing a set time (i.e. one month, two months) is silly. So is the idea of waiting until you're married.
You're still young and you will realize as you get older that sex isn't that big of a deal.
2007-10-28 06:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by Peter D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2-6 months depending on how much time you guys spend together. If you sleep with him too soon then the relationship may become just about the sex. This will also give you guys time to get to know each other again since both of you are likely to have changed a little since you were last together.
2007-10-27 13:51:37 · answer #8 · answered by Antonio V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely wait until you are exclusively dating. After that, get to know each other better. Some people wait a few dates, others wait for a set amount of time. It depends on when you feel comfortable with him and feel ready. Just explain to him you don't want to rush into a physical thing right away because you have had failed relationships that seemed to be based on such. You want to be wanted for who you are, not what you are offering. If he can't respect that, he isn't worth your time.
2007-10-27 13:46:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wonder what that old flame is after. Could it be some unfinished business.
Be careful not to become inflamed in lust toward one another.
If you want this relationship to start on the right foot you must strip off the old personality with its practices, and clothe yourself with the new personality.
I suggest you wait and see if he is willing to make a few sacrifices to make this relationship work. If so then wait to see if he is willing to ask you for marriage. Good luck.
2007-10-27 14:06:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jumping into sex doesn't cause disrespect on its own. It's not how long you wait, it's who you choose to have sex with. Some guys are just disrespectful people. If you know he isn't, then you don't have to wait at all. If you have to wait to filter out the guys that just want sex, so be it... but it's alot more useful if you can actually judge character.
2007-10-27 13:45:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋