How do people cope with the death of their parents?

Question

My mum is very ill. We will be lucky if she survives until Christmas. I honestly cannot bear the thought of life without her and would rather die myself if it wasn't for the fact that I have a 10 week old baby.

How is it possible to go on living after your mum dies? I don't think I can live without her. As it is I have a 10 week old son so I have to be healthy and strong for him but if it wasn't for him then I would rather be dead than face this.

How to live after losing your mum? I can't bear it. I want to think that it won't happen but I'm reluctantly realising that it's true and we really are going to lose her. I can't bear it. I literally cannot bear it. I feel like I could die right now just from the pain of this. I don't know how to cope. I just don't know.

Get real. Worry about your baby and not your mother. She had a life, the innocent baby hasn't started his. Where is your husband in all of this?
Mike, you should be ashamed of yourself. My husband is a good man and I don't want to burden him with my fears. Just because I have a baby is no reason for you to attack me like that. My son is much loved I will have you know.

Answer 1

how ignorant of michael g eh , seem he didnt give a **** about his parents eh ......i lost my mother suddenely when i was 14 it ripped me in 2, i went off the rails for awhile, in a way u r ready even though it wont be easy 4 u, does your mother know, if yes , then talk to her, tell her how u feel, u will be hurt, she is your mother and best friend, its true what is said, time heals, it does, so live with the memories , and u must have plenty,and with them , u will smile, i always think of my mother, like now , and she puts a big smile on my face, and your love will live on ,be strong.. xxxx



glad u had a go at that evil guy, noticed he has took his reply of . hope the answers on here help a little

Answer 2

My thoughts are very much with you. My Mum died 33 years ago, and I was the only one who knew her illness was terminal. I couldn't tell my Dad, as he was a depressive. So I couldn't tell anyone else either, as he didn't know. She was only 61, and her death felt so premature. In a situation like this, you do a lot of mourning before the death. It helps to have someone to talk to. If you feel you don't want to burden your other half, have you a sympathetic local minister of religion? If that's not for you, how about ringing the Samaritans? You could also find out if the is a branch of the charity Cruse for bereaved people nearby. You don't say if your Dad or other family members are nearby for support.
Do what you can for your Mum to make her remaining time as comfortable as possible. Then you shouldn't have many regrets. Believe me, you will have some, however unjustified.
When the worst happens, the pain is intense. It does mellow over time as life goes on, but leaves a void that can never be filled. Get as much support as you can from those around you, because what your Mum is to you, you are to your baby.

Answer 3

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my mum to cancer 4 years ago and exactly 9 months to the day later I lost my dad to cancer. Like you I couldn't bear it as my mum and dad where my rock and always there when I needed them, so to face the future without them was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. Also like you when my mum past away I had a 7 month old little girl and she was my rock because you just have to go on for your child's sake and some how make sense of what is happening. I was very lucky to have an elder daughter and an extremely supportive husband to also help me through that impossible year in my life. You must talk to people who are close to you and cry when you want to. You will get through this and it does get more bearable as time goes on. Since they have both past away I also tend clairvoyance evenings with my two sisters and have had both my mum and dad come through and this has helped my no end. Keep smiling and when you are feeling down just cuddle your little one and remember that losing someone close to you is just another hurdle in your life and you will come out of it a much stronger person.

Answer 4

I'm really sorry to hear that. My mum's got breast cancer, but she's still in the early stages of treatment.

My tip? Just let yourself cry. Grieve and mourn as much as you need to. Let all your emotions out because you have the right to.

If it happens, it will probably seem so surreal. When big things like this happen [good or bad], I almost shrug them off because I can't believe they're true. Until reality hits me, that is.
I always overthink things, so I feel as if I know what I'm going to do if I'm put into a situation like yours.

Try and pretend she's on holiday, as this way, you'll learn to cope with her not being there, but it also gives it a less negative feel.

You have your son and remember your mum is still with you right now so make the most of it. Give her, and your son, a christmas to remember.

I'm sure you'll get through it and, I don't know you, but I am supporting you.

Answer 5

I am so sorry you are going through this, i went through this myself when i lost my mum to breast cancer. I totally fell apart, i actually didn't know what to do or where to turn to, i was on auto pilot for many months after her death. It literally ripped me apart, the one thing i found that helped some bit was talking openly about my feelings and how i was feeling, if i was upset i said it and didn't hold it in, that is the worst thing you can do. My sister dealt with it that way and she will not mention my mothers name to this day but she has not coped at all by bottling everything up and that's why i found it so important to talk about my mum.
You seem to have a very special relationship with your mum and that's what you have to remember and focus on now, don't think about her not been here for much longer but make the most of the time you have together, that's what will matter when the time comes. Spend as much time together as a family because i'm sure she wants to enjoy her time with you and her grandson because she must be feeling just as bad as you.; She's the one who cannot control whether she can stay with her family anymore but you can, you have to remember that..
If your mum knew that you were feeling that way she would be devastated i'm sure because she would not want you to give up your life or have your son without a mother. The greatest gift you can give your mum is to raise your son the way you were raised and have your son love you the way you obviously love your mum. That would be the ultimate compliment to your mum. That is the one thing i have always promised myself, is that my son will always know how much i love him the way i felt so much love from my mother. Sometimes it is the only thing that kept me going, knowing i had my son to look after and i didn't want him growing up not knowing his mum loved him.
I would suggest to you to talk to your partner or family members and let them know how you are feeling, it is not good to bottle these things up because it will affect your life in the long run.
You ask how do you live after losing your mother? Honestly you don't live for a while, you just function because it is the hardest thing you will go through is losing a loved one but then in time you will talk about her and you won't just focus on her been ill but you'll remember all the good times you spent together and slowly the pain will ease but it will never be completely gone. I lost my mum 16 yrs ago and i still cry about her to this day because she was such a huge part of my life but i feel so fortunate to have had a friend in my mum and i knew her completely and that's what i hope my son will have with me!!

God Bless x

Answer 6

im really really sorry 2 hear what you're goin through and its normal 2 feel upset and depressed

losing a parent is very hard and you just wanna put an end to the pain, but its life. its just the way it is. and putting an end to it isnt the best thing to do.

u have 2 stay strong...and as time goes by you're gonna learn 2 live with it. your mum wouldnt want to think that you're feeling so depressed. it would make her upset too. instead of thinking about your loss, you need 2 think about the good times you had and just hold on 2 that. crying about it isnt bad because it doesnt make you a baby or weak, it shows that u care

u have to think about your baby too. u have 2 stay strong, even if its just for your child.

Answer 7

hi there am sorry to hear about your mum last year i went in search for my birth mum and dad and was shocked to find out that they were dead and had been for ages, also when i was 12 or 13 i watched my nan die of cancer i was there when she died it hurt so much. look what u have to remember is the good times and how much you both love it each other there are no words just time as for your baby you can tell your baby all bout your mum when yr child is older time is a best healer also you will get through you have to for your baby,s sake as your child needs you to sorry if am no help but in the end your mum doesn't wanna be in pain any longer ok chin up you will cope. good luck sorry again for the things your going through.

Answer 8

I'm sorry for what your going through. My mum passed away 10 years ago i was only 11 so in a way it was easier as i didn't get to know her properly.
But it still hurts to know she can't see me as an adult and that she hasn't seen my son and my nieces and nephews.
So on the days when I'm feeling sad i just think that she would want me to live my life and not be in grieving the whole time. Enjoy the time you have left with her take you child to see her as much as possible and let her last few months be of happy ones.
Its not going to be easy but remember she will want you to be happy and your son to be happy.

Answer 9

my mum died 5 years ago, she was in and out of hospital a lot in the last year or 2 but it still doesn't prepare you. I went to see her in hopsital the night she died the doc said she had heart failure but she looked quite bright and i thought she might have a few more days. That night she died and i was in shock it was only when i went to the mortuary the next day i sobbed uncontrollably. I had to be strong at home for my then 13 year old daughter who had been extremely close to her, and i wished my dad had died instead as we never got on, time heals i will never forget her but i haven't cried properly since and i now have a good relationship with my dad.
I know the pain you feel.

Answer 10

Im so sorry this is happening to you. I lost my Dad to cancer about 6 years ago and it is still painful. The most important thing you have to remember is that you have a child that relies on you. Make sure you tell your mom you love. I am a mom myself, trust me she knows that. She sounds like a wonderful woman who has a wonderful relationship with you. As my Dads life was coming to a end, it was very hard to watch that process and as odd as this is going to sound, we welcomed his death to stop his suffering. Not that that makes it any easier, just couldnt stand to watch him be in one moment more of pain. Make sure that your mum is comfortable and let her know just how much you love her and exactly how you are feeling. She knows you are hurting. You two sound way to close for her not to know. Just like you dont want to live without your mum, she doesnt want to leave you. Let her know you will be okay so that it gives her the peace of mind she is going to need when the time is right. Good Luck!!