How Do You--------?

Question

If you've been hurt by someone you've cared very much for and your trust was badly betrayed how do you trust again???.......Do you???............Can you???..........How do you trust someone with you again???............CAT

I should have mentioned that the "relationship" ended very badly......There is no contact between us.....It took a long time to gain my trust and was ultimately destroyed..........Thnx so far for all the really nice answers.......CAT

Answer 1

I personally feel when the link of trust is broken, there is no way it can be put back together again. You may have to talk with that person again in certain settings, but it is now at arms-length.......the type of conversation that must be tolerated, not enjoyed.

Answer 2

Like so many others, I have been hurt very badly, twice. Once a trust has been broken, that particular trust will never mend itself. Some will agree n some will disagree........it all depends on the person & the circumstances. We're not talking about a week long relationship here....it's about something that lasted for a long time that took part of your heart n life with it when it ended. You learn to live with it........but your defense mechanisms are very strong...your heart is extremely cautious. I surrounded myself with a close group of friends & moved on. Can you trust again......you have to test the waters sometime....your inner feelings will give you a clue, but here again, that is what works for me. Something has to click before I'll open a door. Yes it is a chance you take,but you are stronger now...you learned something from a bad experience. That's where a lot of people screw up, they never learn & that is not good. How do you trust someone again......it takes a lot of work on your part. The hardest part is starting. Take each day at a time,don't rush into something just because it seems ok. Your gut instinct will give you a clue. Do you trust again......interesting only because I've just met someone & I'm going out on a limb and see what happens. We have been talking, you can tell a lot about a person just by listening to how they say things, or react to situations you may mention or the way they answer your questions. Be strong, don't give up on the human race just yet. There truly are good people out here, you just have to weed thru all the crap to find them. I wish you best of luck Cat...It 's taken me 5yrs to try it again. I'll let ya know how it goes..........Pat

Answer 3

If you live your life in fear of being betrayed, you will never be happy. If you do not trust the next person that will come along in your life, they will leave.
Just keep an open mind and heart, taking the gamble will one day be worth the risk. The right person will come along but if you stay negative you might miss him.
And remember, the new person in your life is not the old person that hurt you.
Now, go shopping. Buy new shoes and make-up and get that new hair style you have been thinking about for a while.

Answer 4

Okay, Cat. Sit down. Look. Those fairy tales about 'love is eternal' and 'Mr. Right' and all are just not realistic. When it comes to the softer emotions you have to take a harder approach. Yes, most adults have developed a need for sex. Yes, it's a lot nicer when it's someone you like. No, he (or she) doesn't need to be there when you're 75. Take care of the sex with people you are dubbing temporary -- whether that means days or years doesn't matter, the point is they are not part of the permanent empire. Develop other relationships for permanence -- relatives, friends, and so forth. I don't, won't, and never will again trust another woman beyond the bed and friendship. You are bound to lose.

Answer 5

The alternative of being alone is worse. Each time we get hurt we learn something, and with that, we grow. With each new relationship we take that chance of either being hurt again, possibly hurting someone ourselves...or maybe, just maybe, finding our true soulmate. Never give up trying. Never give up trusting. Embrace whatever happens to you and try to turn it into a growth opportunity. Whenever you do feel badly.....ask yourself the question. Am I a good person ? Have I done anything wrong ? Chances are when we are feeling badly, its due to something that someone else has done....our feeling badly is called co-dependence. If you are a good person.....you deserve to "feel" good. Truly it is that simple, and the choice is yours......best of luck, and God bless ya !

Answer 6

ive been hurt b4 and yea ever since then its been really hard 2 trust other people.. but at the same time u have 2 realize that everyone isnt the same and jus b cuz someone has lost ur trust bcuz of something the have done ... doesnt mean the next person will do that 2 u also ...believe me....

Answer 7

It's perfectly normal to feel like your trust and love has being dragged so low, hell is waiting..

It's really a personal choice: you will have to choose (although not an easy one)

1- ok, i will REALLY forgive you and what happened, and then you start again (it's really hard, but some couples have manage and happy now)

2- ok, i will have to say goodbye, i just know i cannot forgive you and i would always remind it so i think it's better if we both parts way..
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As in my case: i strongly believe that we are human and we make errors (some are just more humans ^^)

So, i try to give another chance, given the circumstances, but if anything happens again that my trust is touched, then goodbye, you've lost a good person pal!
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Take care; I wish you good luck in your choice.

Answer 8

I know I sound like an old fogey(because I am).--I told my daughter before (and many times),before you enter a relationship,make sure that person is a true soulmate(not just a physically attractive partner. So many young relationships end quickly and bitterly,because of the "fools rush in" approach---we've ALL experienced it,CAT.Before you date the next one,ask yourself this.."will this dude love me when I'm old,fat and gray?"--a very honest approach to some "modern" romances-you'll be allright,girl--take care,John-(age 55)

Answer 9

I don't think you ever really trust again not totally and will always have a little of yourself ready to protect that heart just incase.

Answer 10

Well Its Hard to Trust it will take time to recover and forgive and forget but what that person did should not affect your whole life