Family Problems I Need Advice.?

Question

Look, my parents fight all the time, sometimes things break. My mom gets drunk and my father hits my mom. The cops came over a few times and its just really sad for me. Please I need advice, my grades are falling as well. Im only 12.

Answer 1

You need to talk to them and tell them how it is affecting you. You may also want to seek counseling with a guidance counselor. Do you have any other relatives nearby that you can stay with for awhile? I am so sorry for you. Parents don't have to be good ones to have children.

Answer 2

You poor girl,

I know just how you feel, I've been there... done that.

It's a pretty awful feeling to have to deal with a situation like this. I could understand you possibly being unsure about seeking another adult's help; I know that I never did. I regret not saying anything and seeking adult help, because now that I am older I know that I deserved better, and I would've been helping them too.

You should really consider finding an adult that you trust to talk (live family) about this and find a solution to making things better. ABOVE ALL ELSE please remember that your parent’s issues have absolutely nothing to do with you and that if anyone is doing anything wrong it is them. They need to be taking care of you and by getting drunk and throwing things around they aren’t.

Don’t just lock yourself in a room with loud music though.

You really should talk to someone about it, at least to get it off your chest. Ignoring it will only make you feel worse and you don’t need to because none of this is at all your burden.

When you find someone you trust explain to them what is happening. You are only 12 and this isn’t something you should have to deal with on your own. They will be able to help. If your parents are the type that can be reasoned with, tell them how sad they make you when they fight.

If none of this does anything I would suggest for you to go to a school councilor and discuss the issue. He/she will definitely provide support for you and find a solution for change.

Answer 3

Talk to a trusted teacher at school or a counselor. Talk to your priest if you go to church. Ask for help. You can't "fix" them or their problems, and it sounds like there are some real problems in your home that need to be looked into. Can you go stay with an Aunt or Uncle or Grandparents for a while? Or maybe a close family friend? Those are another option.

Keep your grades up. You can control what you do and the grades you get. Don't let their problems interfere with your education...it's far more important and your ticket out!!

Answer 4

This is really sad and I feel for you. What you must realise is that adults fall out just like kids and it is not your fault. It must be bad if the Cops come over and i am sure you must feel really awful. Can you try to speak to your parents about this when they are not fighting and tell thm how you feel. Do you have a relative (aunt, uncle, grandparents) that you could talk to, maybe even go to live with, which may help the situation ? Lots of luck.

Answer 5

I am so sorry that you have to live with this. It's just not fair, & none of this is your fault.
Your mom needs to stop drinking, & your dad needs to stop hitting her.
However, there is nothing that you can do about that except do everything you can to take care of yourself.

If there is a councellor at your school, I urge you to go to that person & tell him/her about what is going on in your home.
Or explain to your favorite teacher why your grades are falling.
Or turn to someone at your local church.
The next time the cops come to your door because of one of your parents fights you could pull one of them aside & ask them if there is any help for YOU in the community.
Cops ALWAYS sympathise with the kids in a situation like that & I am sure you will find one who will want to help you out any way that he/she can.

Finally, talk to your mom at a time when she hasn't been drinking, & tell her EXACTLY how you feel when she drinks & how her drinking is affecting you. Don't expect her to stop drinking because of it, she may not be able to stop on her own. But what you say may have enough of an impact on her that she will at least start thinking about going into treatment.

Also tell your dad about how you feel when he starts yelling, & hitting his wife (your mom). Maybe he'll think twice before he strikes out at her again. He may feel frustrated about his wifes drunken behaviour, but hitting her sure doesn't help to have his wife choose sobriety. When she's been drinking, he would do everyone a great big favour if he would just leave her alone. When she's drunk she's in no position to hear anything about what she's doing and how it's affecting everyone. So when she's in that state, it's far far better to just ignore her, and put her in a bed so she can sleep it off.

It's hard for a young lady like you to live in a home with those conditions. I just hope that you don't try to take on the role of family caretaker, or problem solver. This is a problem that must be resolved by your mom & dad.
So take really good care of yourself, will you?

Answer 6

oh how sad...
do you have any relatives you could stay with for awhile, till they figure things out.
Or maybe you could stay with a close girlfriend, be sure to be a good guest, encourage her to study with you every nite
and do your homework.

also maybe talk to your school counselor see if she has any resources for you.

if you are worried about your mom's safety, you might want to realize it might be better for them to get divorced. They both might do better apart and be happier in the long run.

It is going to be rough for awhile until they figure out what they need to do. keep yourself safe, you sound like a bright young person.

I know your young right now. but also, if you can, during High School, look into being a foreign exchange student,(I was 15 when I went)
it will get you away for awhile from your family for a school year or a semester, and a new, super nice family will take you in somewhere. and you will make friends in the new school,
it will also help you get scholarships for college!! don't worry too much about the language barrier(you might even go to england or australia), just do your best and you will be fine.

Answer 7

Try to keep in mind no matter how hard it can be at times that things will change & regardless you can always speak to a counselor or someone that is trust worthy
No matter what it's not your fault
Your parents will figure out what's right or maybe someone will come along & help them but don't let your grades slip
if you have sisters or brothers lean on them if not tell a trusting friend but remember you want to do better when you grow up hang in there

Answer 8

Firsty, I hope you never get hurt physically, if so you should be calling the cops. Secondly, if you aren't able to talk to your parents about their bad behaviour for whatever reason, try sitting down in the quiet and writing them a letter telling them how you honestly feel. A good idea is to not give them the letter personally, put it in an envelope and mail it to them as they will be more likely to read it when there is no dramas happening. Even writing a letter to each of them individually might be an idea, and when they realise how you feel they may wake up to themselves. All parents need a wakeup call from time to time and writing letters and sending them via "snail mail" ensures that they are recieved (and usually kept) and read fully. Hope this helps.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

First of all, I have been there, so I know what you are going through. The best thing for you to do now is let your parents get out whatever is on their minds when they fight. I found that locking myself in my room with loud music on helps to drown out the fighting going on. You should try that. Out on some music you like and blare it as loud as you can. That could get their attention and maybe they will come see what's wrong, then you can tell them you don't like the fighting and wish they would get along. But other than that there is nothing you can really do to stop it. Even if that helps at all. Do you have any cousins or brothers or sisters to talk to? Call your BFF and talk to him/her and maybe they will have something positive to say to help you through this tough time in your life. Good luck sweetie. Trust me, I've been there too.

Answer 10

You have a huge problem, and I am sorry to see you going through this. Besides the counselor route, the moving out route, etc, you have another alternative. DIVORCE your parents (call Legal Aid). Ask for support, the house as your permanent residence, and request that mom be allowed to come there as assistant, (may shock her into sobering up) allowed to stay only with your permission, with supervised visitation for dad (nothing shocks an abuser).
If you do not have a house, demand support that includes enough to get a place.
Why should YOU have to be torn up, because the adults can't get their poo together?

Answer 11

First off if you are only 12 you should not be on this site, HOWEVER, since you seem to be the adult in the family, i would suggest you take this problem to you school counselor and or your Pastor. If this seems to go no where, find an 800 number for the child abuse hot line in your area. When they are fighting, dial 911, if the police do nothing, you need to get one of the officers, FEMALE if you are female and male if you are male, I can't tell from your Avatar because you already said the site is not yours, and speak to them in private and tell them you want help and that you expect someone to do something before your life is ruined.... don't stay sad, get MAD, you deserve better..........