How long or often can someone justify abusive behavior b/c they are a manic dep. or have border. pers. disoder

Question

My stepdad is extremely mentally abusive towards my mother. I just found out the abuse has been going on for years.

Someone recently told me that he has to be given a pass on all of his abusive behavior because he grew up with neglect & abandonment issues which has directly contributed to his abusive behavior. Although he has not been officially diagnosed with either manic depression or borderline personality disorder he displays 9 out 10 charateristics that I have read about. I'm wondering if abusive behavior is something that has to be accepted b/c someone is mentally ill or does there come a time when the mental illness cannot be the cause of the abuse and the person is just straight up abusive and doesn't get to use anymore "excuses" for their behavior?

Answer 1

I don't think it is justifiable. This is just abuse. The problem is that the one who is being abused has to decide when to make a stand. It may end up ending the relationship. People who are abused end up buying what the abuser says about them. They feel very insecure and don't think they can make it on their own and other people will see them as being to blame for what happened. Some people see through this behavior sooner than others and get out. Others go through a whole lot and may never leave. Be as supportive of your mom as you can. Would she have a place to go if her husband wouldn't leave their home?

Answer 2

NO, he does NOT get a pass because of his upbringing or a mental illness, he is a grown man.
1st you need to make sure you and your mom are safe. Sometimes this may mean getting out. but first you have to have a plan. I would suggest you find a counselor - for your mom - and it may be good for you to go with - most cities/towns have a safe house for women, you can always call the police dept to find out - you don't necessarily have to give them all the details if you don't want - some cities also have a domestic violence team and can help a lot in these situations.
If he is manic or personality disorder, he does NOT get a ticket to be abusive - and he will not get better unless he gets help - but you may not be able to get him there - so the thing you really need to focus on is keeping your mom and yourself safe. Best wishes, it's a hard situation to be in. mental illness can cause some people to be very abusive. Please be careful - he may turn on you also.

Answer 3

Hi, I have BPD among others but I do not and would not use it as a reason to be abusive. I do get very violent outbursts and wicked anger but I do not show that when ANY one is around, that would be because I would feel weak and I would never show that to any one. I do however become nasty but not abusive towards others. To me I would have to say your step dad is using it as an EXCUSE, and just so you know there is only 9 criteria for BPD, not 10. I know because I do presentations for the professionals here and that's part of it cause I do fit into all 9.....Good Luck

Answer 4

It sounds like your are condeming LDS Mormons, as though we abuse infants. The FLDS church might, and that they do no longer choose to be called Mormons, even though it quite is against gospel innovations interior the LDS church, so how might desire to I quote you scriptures. I even have been a member of the ruling Bishopric and have heard the council that comes down from Salt Lake that we actually do no longer preserve any mum or dad for abuse of any variety of their infants. they're to be reported to the right government and in the event that they're convicted, excommunicated from the church. Please do no longer attempt to act like we are abusive to every person. these days I observed a video of a Pastor of a church being arrested for planned sexual abuse of a minor. i be conscious of the Catholics, Baptists, Presbetyrian and different church homes have had a great form of problems with this. If I remember the numbers, 500 skill sexual abuse or sexual circumstances of adults have been interior the Southern Baptist conference on my very own. The LDS church became no longer indexed in any of those information, because of fact there is merely approximately none. I even have by no potential heard of any circumstances in 60 years of church club. The FLDS church (excommunicated over one hundred years in the past) try this as shown in Texas. If those pastors have been LDS, they could be excommunicated rapidly from the church. there is not any scripture this is used to justify abuse, because of fact it is not God's church that does such terrible issues. The FLDS church does, yet they're an extremely small unusual team. do no longer confuse the two.

Answer 5

no such thing as a pass on abusive behavior especially if one hasn't even been diagnosed with any disorder and if he grew up with abuse and has not made any effort to address that and deal with it only means that in his warp mind its OK to abuse all others because he was abuse he uses his childhood abuse as a reason to be the mean ugly person that he is so after a situation of abuse to your mother or anyone else he sits back crying poor poor pitiful me i do this because this is what i learned growing up although he without a doubt knows its wrong its his sickening way of being the monster that he is and believing its justifiable WRONG i had a very very abusive childhood every kind of abuse possible i lived for years ALL childhood memories are about abuse i have no good or positive memories about my childhood i don't think i even know what being a child feels like point being is no one should ever use their horrifying abuse as a reason to abuse another no such thing should be considered. One who has gone through such a ugly ordeal of life experience knows how it feels why would anyone want to put another through that? unless their just pure hate full i myself strongly believes no person should use the wrong done to them as a EXCUSE to make a mess of their life. Instead of sitting on that pity potty get up take YOUR life into your hands and use that ugly childhood of yours to help other innocent children and hopefully keeping them from having to go through hell i could of easily been one just like your step-dad but I'm a fighter and not good at loosing and if i would have chosen to be like my abusers that would only mean I WAS A LOOSER ! I have used my horrible childhood to help others and if i save only one child from that hell i will go to my grave satisfied ! i pro bally got a little off track and i apologize however very touchy subject with me so Julie your step-dad is just straight up abusive let him know there are no excuses nor reasons for his meanness just him being ugly that's all and GOD don't like ugly so if you love your mother like it sounds you do get her and yourself sibling's all others involved out of his hell I wish you and your family the best if you need to talk or help with anything PLEASE don't be afraid or ashamed to contact me i want to help you your mother and all others INCLUDING step-dad especially step-dad ! Jewels