I absolutely cannot stand my family. I don't love them in any sense. My father makes me feel ahsamed, grinning at me when I try to discuss serious things I care about with him and giving saracastic, sometimes piggish replies. My grandmother pays, I'll say, weird attention to me in subtle ways, and whenever I say how something makes me uncomfortable that they do, they keep doing it more, and then smile and walk away looking pleased. And my sister is overbearing. From what I've read this is emotional abuse. They guilt me when I say I don't want them in my life when I move out, but is it so bad of me to not tell them where I go, at least for 2 years?
note that it's all subtle what they do, if I were to try telling a teacher it'd sound ridiculous, but they're skilled mental terrorists.
help? I'm not obligated to love those who treat me with disrespect am I?
2007-10-27 08:51:38 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know where you are coming from-my family with my mother (my parents are divorced) was like that too and it really messes you up for a long time because it's hard to know how to react to a family that doesn't love you or treat you appropriately. There is absolutely NO obligation to love those who treat you like that. You have to treat them politely, because you live in the same house and doing otherwise would effect YOU, but you don't have to hang out with them or have conversations with them that aren't absolutely necissary or participate in their daily lives. Just do your job, go to school, stay focused, and wait quietly to leave.
The best thing to do is to find someone to talk to about it (perferably a trusted adult-a pastor, a distant aunt/uncle/cousin, a counselor, etc.) and then just try not to make waves until you are able to leave. Having another person to talk to will help you create your own healthy relationships, and will also help you to isolate yourself emotionally from your family even if you can't leave yet (which is a big help if they are treating you so poorly).
And it is not bad of you to not contact them after you leave. Once you are an adult you pick who you allow into your life, and severing unhealthy ties is not only your right to do, but is the right thing to do. (I haven't talked to my mother or her husband for 3 years-they don't know where my family and I live, what we do, or anything else about us and they never will.)
Hang in there!!
2007-10-27 09:32:30 · answer #1 · answered by lovelymrsm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't say without further information whether or not this is emotional abuse. I can tell you that you are not obligated to love anyone you don't want to. If you want to take it from a religious standpoint, the commandment is "Honor thy father and thy mother," not love them. I always feel that you should on the best terms with people that you can be, family or not, simply because it is always better to be on good terms than bad.
This being said, you should also understand that there is a line that should be drawn when it comes to respect and dignity. I would need to know more about specific situations and actions to advise further. As it is, however, do this: regardless of how they treat you, treat them with respect and civility. Just because they are cruel doesn't mean that you should be. If you drop down to the level of which they are treating you, doesn't that make you just as bad as they are, even if it is in retaliation?
One thing I found in my life that worked when dealing with people like this is to detach yourself form the situation for a bit. Look at it from different angles, instead of just how you feel they are treating you and how you are hurt by it. Perhaps they are simply ignorant to how you truly feel about the issue, and haven't learned to take you seriously when you talk about what bothers you. Write each of the offenders an honest letter explaining your feelings in polite, yet in firm, no uncertain terms. Sometimes the written word can be more powerful than the spoken, and people have the chance to reread what you are telling them and glean how you truly are feeling after the second or third time of looking at it.
If in the end, the offenders still do not take your feelings into account, and continue to hurt you, it may be best if you do in fact leave the situation or home or gathering place, and get away from who or what is hurting you. I still recommend sending communications of some sort, if just to let people know you are okay, but also to give them more chances to understand how you feel and want to be treated. However, it is your life. Do what is best for you so that you can do what is best for others.
2007-10-27 09:06:07 · answer #2 · answered by usmcfly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You get to pick your friends, not your family, thats why your friends are so precious. Give your family the respect due to them, remembering that while they may annoy you, they did feed, clothe, and provide shelter to you all these years. As hard as it is for you now, don't be hasty in condeming them, you've got a long way to go in life yet, and when push comes to shove, your parents will always be there for you in the future. You are just getting ready to spread your wings and fly from the nest, that's why these things annoy you so much at the moment, in a couple of years you will look back at this moment and laugh about it. Don't burn your bridges with your family, just move on and up. A couple of years is nothing, take them away from your family,it will do you all some good, then reassess your relationship again. I bet you'll see it differently then.
2007-10-27 09:13:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if u move out u should atleast tell them where u are living now.....call them once every two weeks and say your're busy with work or something. But when it all comes down to it they're still your family, u don't want any of them to die and then it dawns on you that you didn't knw the real them because you were being over sensitive. Try to over look what ever irks you about them, they're just having fun at your expense, they see how the simple things they do gets you so upset so they continue. So try and ignore it or laugh it off, but don't just cut them out of your life.
2007-10-27 09:09:15 · answer #4 · answered by Andy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a million. don't be afraid to fail. from time to time you study more suitable out of your mess united statesthan your successes. it truly is so a lot more suitable suitable to attempt some thing and fail than to spend a life-time with what if's and if in simple terms's. 2. do not immediately reject each and everything your father and mom say in simple terms because they're your father and mom. trust it or no longer, we were no longer positioned the following to suck the relaxing out of your youthful lives. we adore you. we go with the finest for you. Lord is conscious we are incorrect and regularly dorky, yet that does no longer mean we've not discovered some issues that should be powerful that you need to carry close. 3. you'll in no way remorseful about being type, even if for your elderly large-aunt with the over-powering body spray or the geeky new newborn at school who's in simple terms too shy to seem anybody contained in the face. finally you go with to be the guy that evokes human beings to assert, "he's sooo fantastic!" you'll sense more suitable suitable interior your own pores and skin, and folk will search for you out for each of the right motives.
2016-10-23 02:07:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everyone else that you need to talk to a caring adult about this -- like a school counselor or a pastor. It is hard for us to give advice when we are not there and cannot see what is going on.
It seems that some of your family might be doing weird things just to see you upset, so don't let them see you get upset. Let a counselor know that you are upset instead, and he/she can give better advice. Maybe it is just a big misunderstanding that can be sorted out by another adult.
2007-10-27 09:01:51 · answer #6 · answered by Randy G 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be civil and try not to cause any drama while you are still living with them... and when you move out, don't look back. You don't need to create strife in an already hard-to-live-in household (plus they pay for the roof over your head), but you don't need to feed it either with huge fights or anything like that. It's perfectly fine to not deal with abusive family when you are old enough to live on your own and by your own rules.
2007-10-27 08:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by boots6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are, but you need some help.Talk to a adult. I had a similar childhood and it is difficult feeling like an outsider and not having a place that feels safe. If you have a good friend or counselor please talk to them, it will help.
you don't owe anyone anything that treats you badly.
2007-10-27 09:08:24 · answer #8 · answered by I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this is the way you feel..talk to someone at your school..It sounds like you need some help dealing with this..They might be able to help or at least point you in the right direction....
Good luck..
2007-10-27 08:56:27 · answer #9 · answered by Chi Town Jaki 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's not really emotional abuse.
It is frustrating though and you're not the only one to be made to feel that way by your family.
Find people who you can talk to and don't get into those conversations with your family.
2007-10-27 08:56:58 · answer #10 · answered by questioning 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋