Just curious what would you think if you were in public and someones 3yr old started throwing a fit?

Question

My husband took me out to eat last night and this woman came in her 3 yr old daughter was throwing a fit crying and screaming at the mother. "No I am not going to walk, you are going to carry me" "I don't want that, I don't want to" ETC... I was all like can we say this child runs the house. Because the mother just picked her up and did everything the child said. I was thinking okay like your inside and should let her throw her fit go order then sit down eventually she will stop and go looking for mom. right? I imbarrassed my husband because he thinks I am loud and voice my opinion to loud. I know you can't spank any more because you can be arrested but don't you think mom could have done something besides give in to the child? How would you have handled it if it was your 3 yr. old? I would have done what I said walked away and had my dinner if she didn't stop then I would have gotten it to go and took her home. Not picked her up and carried her because she threw a fit and told me to.

I might have added mom didn't say a word to the child to try and console her or anything else she didn't try to tell her to behave etc... She just gave in and picked her up when mom was holding her the child said and I quote "YOU ARE GOING TO CARRY ME BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WALK ANYMORE!"

The mother's friend said she's 3 and having a rough day kind of laughing it off Oh and there was a chair right there in the entry that mom could have sat down in but once she picked her up the child still threw the fit and proceded to tell mom what mom was and wasn't going to do for the person who said she wouldn't leave her child alone in public

Answer 1

Kids throw fits and misbehave in public. It's impossible to make it "never" happen. I cured my kids of it when they were little by:

1. Standing them in the corner - no matter where we were, I would put them in a corner, and since some stores didn't have a corner available, I would find a pretend corner. I would tell my boys they had to stay there until they could behave like gentleman. And while they were there, I would say, isn't that your friend from daycare (or school) over there. I guess I'm not the only one being embarrassed by your behavior. You are sure to get picked on about it.

2. The next time I went anywhere, I would leave them with a sitter, and come home with a coke from McDonalds (which was usually actually water in a McDonalds cup) and brag about how I was such a good girl at the store that I treated myself to McDonalds as my reward.

3. When they insisted they could behave like gentleman if I took them next time... I told them they had to prove it by practicing their "public" behavior at home. We would have restaurant "practice" sessions at the table and shopping "practice" sessions throughout the house.

Answer 2

I think that you should mind your own business. I often feel the urge to butt-in too and I often wonder why parents just let their kids "act a fool" in public. What I've figured out is...you aren't with that child or parent throughout the day and you have no idea what their day has been like already. It could be that the parents have already scolded the child (or spanked, punished, etc). It could be that the child is tired, but fighting sleep (children often act out when they are sleepy). After dealing with a fussy child all day, eventually the parents will just get tired of fighting back with the child and give-in to the childs demands. Does that mean that they are BAD parents? No...it means they are normal and they probably had a long day.
Start dealing with children long enough and you'll start reacting the same way too.

Answer 3

You need to look at possibilities why that child was acting that way. Generally, parents aren't pushovers, and I always seem to notice that people who do not have children are the ones who claim to know the most about how to be good parents.

You can't just leave a three year old alone anywhere, regardless of how much they are going to want to follow you soon and find you. there are crowds, and there are psychos, and there is NO WAY I would ever let my young child alone in ANY crowd.

That child could have been overtired, or hungry. That child could be going through a divorce, or a death, or a new sibling, or some other traumatic event that left him or her to be feeling extremely anxious and easily upset. There is no knowing that that mother didn't want to make her child scream and bang on the floor (by ignoring her), so she gave in because she was already possibly embarassed enough.

Nobody enjoys watching tantrums like that. And trust me, no mother enjoys enduring it. But it's very difficult to receive criticism for your choices when you are only trying to deal with your life. Now if she was smacking her or something - I might be inclined to speak up. But she was dealing with a difficult situation as best she could.

Answer 4

I don't have any children, but I do have 6 siblings, the youngest 2 are young enough to be my own children, and I watch them a lot. If the child was throwing a fit because they were just being bratty and the mom kept telling the child no, I would feel sorry for the mom because the kid was just going through a stage. In the situation you described, I don't feel sorry for the mom because the is making the kid that way by giving her everything she wants. If the mom keeps doing this they are going to have a hell-child by the time the kid is a teen.

Answer 5

Well to the first part of the question I would have to say I've been there, I have a 2year old and a 7 month old....but after you said that the mother did nothing.........oh no my 2 year old knows better than to act up in public and when she does I take her for a trip out to the car for a little time out while daddy finishes the shopping, or put food into togo boxes or what ever. Kids need to know that you are the parent and that you will not be walked all over by them.

Answer 6

Every child is different...I have 3 sons and my youngest is 3. Sometimes it's EASIER to pick and choose your battles. Terrible Twos last for maybe 2 1/2 years, so when my son acts up, I stoop down to his level, get in his face and tell him STERNLY who is the boss. But there HAVE been times where he acted a complete and utter fool and I had to choose...I could blow a gasket and get upset, or I could calmly snatch my kid up and deal with the situation out of the public eye.

More often than not, a mother KNOWS when her child is testing her...and this is the age where they START to do A LOT. Don't judge other parents when you're out and about - again, because every child and situation is different.

If it had been me acting up, my mother would've beat me on the spot. Of course, that was a different time. I pinch....it usually gets my point across without any public displays of drama.

Answer 7

The hard thing is not having seen the two hours before they walked into the restaurant. Maybe the mom kept the kid way past her nap, and knew it, and felt to blame for her kids' tantrum, which would explain why she didn't discipline her for it.

Or maybe she's just too permitting, and the kid indeed walks all over her.

The point is, there is no way to know, so there's no way to make a fair judgement of her. It would have been better if she'd just ordered to-go, and taken the tantrum elsewhere, though, as a simple courtesy to everyone else in the restaurant.

Answer 8

well, not trying to be rude but you may not know the facts...3 year olds throw tantrums. its natural. They like to be boss and its a stage all of them go through. The best thing parents can do is get the child to be quiet, even if it means the parents have to do what the child wants. What if the child has some type of disorder? It wouldnt be her fault. More than likely she doesnt run the house, she just wanted attention and she got it. The only way you could tell there was a problem is if you were around her all day and night like her parents and she always acted this way and continued to. Just because you saw one inncident, it doesnt mean the mom is a bad parent or she is a bad child. Another thing 3 year olds go through is not wanting to be a big girl or be away from their moms. She may want to feel like a baby again when she got to be held and got more attention from her mom.

next time when you see a child throwing a tantrum, think about it. ok?

Answer 9

I have 5 kids from 9 to 21 and NONE of them ever acted like this in public... Once long ago I had my 4 and 5 yr olds out and a kid began pitching a fit like that in the store.... My kids were horrified.. I said to my kids "what do you think would happen to you if you acted like that in a store?" My 5 yr old said"pfft, we'd be dead before we hit the floor" lol...

Answer 10

I have a three year old and a five year old, first of all he knows that he cannot get away with acting like that. It starts at a young age. You tell your child the consequences of their behavior and if they have ill behavior you follow through on what you said you were going to do. It my child would act like that I would take him to the bathroom and have a discussion with him. If he continued to act like that we would leave, as I would not want my child to be the one ruining anothers evening.