How do you get over the loss of a child-loved one?

Question

I am having a hard time with the loss of my cousin that was killed in a car wreck and i feel so bad for another one of my cousin's who's woman had her baby which was stillborn.
How do you cope?

Answer 1

The old saying.."One day at a time". The emotional pain never goes away, but the memories become dearer and less painful as years go by. We are missing what they gave to our life, and eventually this empty spot is filled by other things. But the memories can be triggered by anything at any time and sadness will come up.
With the cousins' woman, or whoever that is, the stillborn left no memories, and you seem to be at a different place with them, not really close and seeing each other daily. These memories are about feeling empathy for another's loss, and this will fade as you focus on more positive thoughts.
But with the cousin who was killed in a car wreck, memories of his/her life on earth are still fresh. These, too, will not be so hurtful over time.
My grandson died unexpectedly at 7 years old. I had so many joyful times with him, even the night before his death, playing silly games with him. That was 7 years ago, and the pain is still there, not as raw, but tears come easily yet. Because I was in daily touch, I have daily memories. The closer the loved one, the deeper the pain. But it truly will diminish over time, not forgetting them, but moving on. After grieving, comes learning how to live without them in your life and then a new life for you, w/o them. Good luck...and you seem like a sensitive, caring person. Many losses will hurt you. Be strong.

Answer 2

I am 21 years old I have cancer and this year I lost my father.. He was healthy as can be and Im the one that was sick but yet He passed away in his sleep.. It was very hard for me.. But I am strong person and you learn to deal with it by knowing that they are in a better place.. People say that with time it will ease the pain and it will get easier but in my opinion it isn't true because with time i just miss him more.. U will never truly get over a loss but u learn to deal with it and move on with life.. I think of it this way.. My father would want me to live on and make him proud.. I believe that our loved ones become Angels that watch over us.. Hope i was able to help.. Remember there is always someone out there that has it worse..

Answer 3

That is so sad! In time you will be able to manage your grief; right now it is just too fresh in your mind. Keep in mind there is nothing you can do to change what has happened but in time you will be able to remember your cousin without the sadness. With a stillbirth it is especially sad because what should have been a joyous event turned out quite the opposite. Just be there for your cousin and let her talk it out if she needs to. Time heals all wounds....may be a trite expression but it is very true.

Answer 4

I think that first of all, for your cousin, think of all the wonderful times that you and your cousin had together. I don't think that she would want you to mourn for her; instead, keep living your life like she was still here, and do things that would make her smile. However, it's OK to cry for her, just don't let it take over your life.

The woman who's baby was stillborn... I think that you should tell her how sorry you are for her and tell her that it's OK, that it isn't her fault or anything stupid like that (don't say that, word it better, but still) and make sure that she's occupied as often/much as you can.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Have faith that time heals all wounds. It will get better over time. It does take a long time, but eventually the dark clouds will part, the sun will shine, and a new beautiful day will dawn. Cry if you want or need to, don't deny your sadness or your grief, get comfort and sympathy from true friends who will understand and give you the support you need and deserve. And just wait through it. Believe me, the clouds do part eventually. Best wishes to you.

Answer 6

You realize that death is a part of life. Without death there would be no life, and without life there would be no death. Celebrate the joy that the life brought while it was here and understand that the only sure thing about life is that it will die. Your cousin brought joy to you while he/she was alive. Treasure that, remember the good times, and it's alright to be sad that they had to end, but realize that all life ends, including your own. Make what time you have count, and always be kind and remember to say "I love you" to those that matter in your life.

Answer 7

Pray for the family. I don't know how to get over it because my Dad died about 4 years ago and I still get tears in my eyes about his slow painful death from cancer. To say that I miss him A LOT is a major understatement, and I am over 40 years old. I am so glad and grateful to God that I got the chance to tell him that I love him, sit with him and hug him before he left. Hopefully I will make it to heaven to see him again plus see my grandparents and Mom when we all "graduate" from this life.

Answer 8

I have noticed you post a lot of questions on this subject. Perhaps you need counseling to help you work through your grief. It sounds as if you are really sad about what has happened to your cousins. In reality, if time does not help with the pain, maybe you need to try therapy. I find prayer help me in my most troubled times.

Answer 9

I don't know...I know my sister lost her daughter to cancer, and now adopted her grandson (her daughter's son)
My mother lost her first child (our oldest brother) to SIDS and her second son (our second oldest brother) to suicide
My cousin lost her first child to miscarriage and her husband to a freak accident at his workplace
We lost our dad to cancer when I was 15

I don't know if you ever get OVER things like this, but, thank God for time...because as time passes, the hurt eases.
It never completely goes away, the pain, but it eases off.

I guess that's the best blessing, after all.

Answer 10

Read this 'free' book - by a celebrated author (deceased) - available online . . .

"How to Survive the Loss of a Love"
Peter McWilliams

The information has helped me thru the losing/grieving/healing process, more than once . . .

Best wishes to you and yours, in your process of moving on.