my sisters birthday is coming up soon and I have to keep asking her what she plans to do in order for her to tell me anything. Finally she told me she may have a dinner party at her house but she didn't tell me the date. well this morning i happen to find out that she has set up appointment with her freinds at a spa for her bday and she never even told me about it or invited me. I also found out that she set up a dinner party the day after that at her house and she still hasn't told me she set the date yet. Not only that but she is having it on a sunday and i live in aneighboring state so she knows i will have to drive out there to attend. Why would she set it on a sunday knowing i have to drive back home the same night cuz i have work the next day. do you think i have every reason to be mad that not only is she hiding the spa plan from me but also she hasnt told me the date of the party plus she is having it on an awkward day?
2007-10-27 04:57:30 · 53 answers · asked by Sandra F 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i am not being spoiled. the reason i am upset is because she just went thru a really bad breakup and i have been there for her all the way. she cries to me on the phone and i even took off work one evening to go be with her. i feel used!
2007-10-27 05:11:59 · update #1
Are you usually pretty close? If not, then you're not and that's it. The dinner being on a Sunday doesn't sound like it's of consequence to her because she hasn't invited you. However, if you are close, perhaps there's more she's not telling you. Is it possible that she got back together with the boyfriend and doesn't want to tell anyone? Do you have other siblings and, if so, are they invited? I don't know you and your sister's relationship so it's hard to guess but I wanted to put a few things out there for you to think about. If it bothers you a lot, call her and tell her. Don't call and assault her verbally but call her and tell her that you understand she's having these events and that you feel left out.
Another thought, is she in to things that you're not in to? Maybe something that you don't approve of? This could keep her from inviting you. Also, does she normally have you over with her friends?
If you talk to her and don't like the answers, then just accept that you're sisters, not friends. Be tight with your friends because they're the people you have picket to be your support and have something in common with, other than blood ties.
2007-10-27 05:18:49 · answer #1 · answered by CUrias 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be upset given the circumstances you mentioned. That is, unless her she is either ashamed to let you meet her friends, or the other way around.
What you need to do is NOT give her the silent treatment that some others on here are saying . She is your sister so be civil. Trust me, if she died tomorrow you would never forgive yourself for being hostile.
Simply ask her on the phone or in person why she is doing this and you deserve to know as a sister , who has also helped her so much, what is the problem. Demand that she says an honest answer. An honest answer should make some kind of sense. It may be you are too young or too old, or too different for her kinds of friends. I dont invite my brother to be with my friends and I. I get together with him and my friends seperately. He is too different from my group of friends for me to invite him . Neither would enjoy it.
YOu and your sis should plan a get -together weekend where you can both hang out and have fun for birthdays and other occasions.
2007-10-27 05:26:20 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, of course it would be normal to have your feelings hurt by it, I wouldn't be mad at her for it though. It is her birthday and she shouldn't have to work around your schedule or accommodate for anyone but herself, it is Her day. You know? If she doesn't want you there, the best thing you could do is let it go. I wouldn't keep calling her and bugging her about it, I would let her call you, if she wants to hang out with her sis for her b-day she'll call. When she does call to talk to you and it just so happens to be after the event that took place on her birthday, just ask her how her birthday went and what she did? Don't act put out by her, act as if every things OK. Be completely calm about the whole thing, if it gets brought up in conversation ever, you know just say the truth (calmly) "Yeah, I was a little hurt that she didn't want to hang out on her birthday, but oh well there's nothing I can do, I'm not going to make a big deal about it, or hold a grudge..." That is the most mature and smart way of handling it. I know it might be hard but it's nothing to fight with your sister over, she just probably wants to be with her friends thats all, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you or that she never wants you around. And if you handle it the way I told you she's more libel to want you around more often. Trust me I had a friend that was that way with me, and needless to say were not friends anymore, had she been more understanding at times, and didn't hold grudges, or was out to get even, we might still be friends today. Life is too short to hold grudges and get mad at the little things, it might of hurt, but let it pass, because there will be more good times too come with your sister if you do. You can't expect so much from people, No matter who it is, you have to face the fact that they will let you down ATLEAST once in your life. It's hard to accept, but it's true, noone is perfect, and it's hard for one person to make everyone, including the people close to them, happy sometimes. I hope your able to take my advice, good luck with everything...and cheer up, and even though it may feel like it, it's not the end of the world. :-) Hope This helped.
-Alli-
2007-10-27 05:48:40 · answer #3 · answered by AlliK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your sister's birthday. It's a special day for her, not for you. Your entire message talks about your irritation, your frustration...
Why do you keep asking her what she's doing for her birthday? Why don't you just do something for her rather than looking at what's in it for you?
This is going to sound very harsh, but think about it. Maybe she's not telling you her plans and planning her dinner on a Sunday so you won't be able to be there. Perhaps the reason for her doing so is because she knows that you'll only be thinking about yourself and what is convenient for you.
You might take a look at how you behave with her (and others) to see if you tend to focus on yourself rather than other people.
It's always difficult to take a look at your behavior--really look at it--to see if you're being selfish or spoiled, and it's a tough lesson to learn, but in the long run, you'll be happier and people will appreciate you being around.
Buy your sister a cd by a band SHE likes or send her a care package of her favorite snacks--think of things she likes. Stop thinking about yourself and think of her.
And, yes, you have every reason to be upset, but not for the reasons you think.
2007-10-27 05:11:48 · answer #4 · answered by dashelamet 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you are making her seem more like your boyfriend than your sister. It is her life and she can do whatever she wants... it's not hiding anything from you. Have you mentioned that you want to do something with her for her birthday. just because you are her sister doesn't mean she has to tell you every inch of her life or plan it around your life and when it's convienent for you. Maybe sunday was a day that worked for her. You seem very clingy and way over enriched in her life and what she is doing and maybe that is why she isn't telling you things. It's her birthday let her do what she wants.
2007-10-27 05:11:00 · answer #5 · answered by heartbreaker6713 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can see where this might hurt your feelings that she doesn't seem to want you involved in her birthday plans. That really is kind of mean but maybe since it is her birthday you can just wish her the best on her birthday and just let her do what she wants to do. You aren't children anymore and she doesn't have to involve you in all of her plans. Maybe she plans on having you out to lunch or something later. Even if she doesn't have any plans with you, you need to just wish her the best on her bday and just go on with your own plans for the day. Try not to be the pest that she probably thought of you when you were younger. I'm sure she has a reason for not wanting you involved. Maybe she just wants it to be a friends only spa day and dinner.
2007-10-27 05:09:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Hard to say, my sisters and I go through phases, sometimes we are really close and sometimes they drive me nuts. Here is what I would do, ask her what is going on? Let her know your feelings are hurt since you have not been invited. Give her a chance to explain and be open minded. I am curious what you guys usually do and what is different this year. The dinner party deal though, that may just be when it is most convenient, but the spa deal has me wondering what her prob is.
2007-10-27 05:06:45 · answer #7 · answered by Shelby 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to let your sister have her own life.
I understand your reasons for being upset but there is nothing you can do about this sort of thing.
There is a reason that she does not want you there.
Perhaps you should just let it go because if you toss a fit then she will become more distant.
I hope things work out for you
Nicole
2007-10-27 05:17:19 · answer #8 · answered by FawneMine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two are very close, yes, I would be angry. Especially since you've been hinting around to her that you want to know, and want to be with her that day. She obviously doesn't want you there, and I would tell her how I feel. Ask her why she doesn't want you around on her birthday, and tell her you know about her plans. Let her explain (if she can) and if it isn't a good enough excuse, don't waste your time going. Just send a nice card and forget about it. Hopefully, she has set apart some other time for your plans with her....
2007-10-27 05:12:31 · answer #9 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she wants to spend her birthday with her friends. It's a shame she couldn't just tell you that instead of toying with you by telling you little details and letting you think you may be invited. Don't sweat it; you're just not invited. Just act mature, and let he know if she didn't want you to come she could have just said so. Set up something for the two of you to do.
2007-10-27 05:13:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋