my boyfriend abuses me but i dont want to leave him what should i do?

Question

it has all started as a control thing he wouldnt let me go home. i had to move i with his family who hated me. i couldnt talk to any of my friends or go out without him telling me i was a whore and that he was going to leave me. and i would stay.. then he started hitting me but its not really serious usually he'll keep saying mean things about me and i'll hit him then he hits me back. but he's never left like serious bruses or anything. i just love him and he's really the only thing i have. recently we got kicked out of his mothers house (she's an alcoholic who abuses him verbally and when he was little physically) and i went ot live with my mom and he is staying with a not so good friend. now he wont talk to me because he thinks i cheat on him but i havent even left my mothers house i just call him and he doesnt anser then i cry more.. long story short its killing me inside and all i can think is that im nothing and that if he doesnt want me wtf y should i even be here.

Answer 1

are you waiting for things to get worse? cause, guess what? they will. buck up and have some respect for yourself. he is a loser and you deserve better than this. I don't care what sacrifice you have to make, leave now. be there for yourself. you will thank yourself for it one day.

trust me. it will get worse. leave now.

Answer 2

So many women are in these types of situations. The only advice I can offer is to make yourself whole. What I mean by that is really look inside yourself to find the qualities in yourself that really shine. You ask yourself that if he doesn't want you why should you be here? Each person carries their own light. There's a reason for you to be here even if you don't know what that reason is right now.

It's okay to forgive the abuses, the hurts. It's not okay for you to start believing you deserve it or to believe you are "less than" just because your boyfriend is having a hard time seeing the light.

Sometimes you have to put your needs first, even if they don't make sense to everyone else. It's okay to love him and understand that he is going through some difficult times. Just remember to put yourself first, your safety, your sanity, your self esteem.

You have gifts to offer this world. Don't forget that. There is a reason you are here. Think of the troubles as a temporary reprieve, allowing you time to work on yourself before you come back together with him. You can't change him, but you can change yourself. Perhaps talk with a Minister at your church and see if someone there can offer some counseling to you and to him to help get over the troubles. If not, just focus on you and then when your boyfriend comes around again, you'll be better able to deal with him.

I don't like the sound of the way he treats you, but I can see that he has issues, as we all do. There is help for him out there if he is ready. Just use this seperation time to teach yourself about abuse and the best way of handling it. It's easy for people to say, leave him. Get away. etc etc. But when the heart is involved it's not that easy.

Just remember ... focus on you in the inbetween times, learn about abuse and how to handle situations, improve yourself and your self esteem, and never forget that you are here for a reason.

Answer 3

Coupla things..his mother is an alcoholic..he listens to her to keep her in shape..and with fine booze. She treats him like he's the only one..and you are the intruder. That's why you had to leave. He's probably with a good friend trying to live it up with him..maybe he's gay on the side as well..you never know these days. Out with buddy's on a saturday night..he learns other ways of making new friends and his whole being is changed as to what it was when you was around. You are up there in your appartment holding..with your mother and the same thing goes on from there. The lines are divided and you are separated..each has his-her own way of dealing with everyday life and things..so what brought you two together in the first place? That is find out where he is and go talk to him and ask why it is no longer working. Did he not spend enough time with you etc. What are your needs for a future? What are his? Find the middle area and go for that. If it don't work out then sure enough it's busted and can't be fixed. The cement is drying and you need to find someone as a replacement..though take your time..its not all doom and gloom and don't beat yourself up about it..it happens quite a lot and to a lotta folk too..it happens!

Answer 4

I was one in a similar situation. It was more mental abuse than physical though. My ex constantly called me a b****, and accused me of cheating, even though I am a very trusting and loyal person. It hurt me so bad and I was getting weaker and weaker as a person. I couldn't make my own decisions without worrying what he might say or do. It was so unhealthy and now that I am out of it, I can really see the damage that had been done. You may not want to leave him because you think that you need him. If he treats you like that, you have given in to him one too many times and he knows that you won't do anything about it. I know that it is easier said than done, but believe me, you will feel 100x better about yourself if you get rid of him. Take it into consideration and don't think about what his family thinks. If him and his mother don't have a very good relationship, then he probably can't have a healthy relationship with any woman. If he thought that you were really cheating on him, he would have left you, but you aren't so he is just trying to drag you down. Get rid of him or at least think about it.

Answer 5

You have several reasons to be here. But honey if the man is hitting you you need to get away from him as soon a s you can. The kind of love he got from his mother was abuse so this is all he knows how to give you. Can you really live this way with him?? Look at yourself in the mirror I'm sure you are a beautiful girl and there are men out there that would love to have the chance to know you and to treat you with respect and dignity. Happiness is what you make of it. Get out of this relationship now you are better than this.

Answer 6

If he's abusing you but you DO NOT want to leave him, then what else is there to say?

Sounds to me like you need to be strong and take up for yourself.

If you are in a situation that you are uncomfortable with, then you should leave. You can ALWAYS go home. You feel like you don't have any options, and you feel worthless because he has intentionally made you feel this way. You need to have a higher opinion of yourself and know that you ARE A GREAT PERSON AND YOU DESERVE BETTER! You deserve someone who'll love you and treat you like a princess, not some dip-sh*t that will hurt you and make you feel awful!

Cheers and *hugs*

Answer 7

honey you need deserve more than that. And it doesn't matter if you hit him first or not, he shouldn't be putting his hands on you or verbally abusing you. It seems to me like you know there is a problem and that's why you're speaking out about it. And that's the first step to healing and recovering. YOu really need to get help. You need to call a domestic abuse hot line and get away from him while you still have time. It may seem like he's not really doing much but it always seems like that in the beginning and then the anger will escalate before long and he may do something to seriously harm you or himself and it could ultimately lead to death. GET OUT NOW!

Answer 8

You really need to evaluate the situation, REALISTICALLY. Ok, you feel like hes all you have, but why? B/c he made you move in with him and break all outside ties. You werent allowed to go out or talk to friends. Abusive people do this. They know you wont leave them if you have no where else to go. Stay at your mothers. Let him stay at his friends. In all seriousness, youre better off. There are more guys out there that will treat you the way you should be treated. It sounds like your relationship with him is dictated by guilt. He make you feel like you are doing something wrong, its always your fault. Its not true honey. And there are men out there that will love you and trust you for being YOU. Stay away from him, please, I beg of you!!!

Answer 9

First off. You are SOMEBODY and deserve to be treated as a somebody. You think you're worthless, because that's what the dumbass jerk you've been giving it to keeps telling you. He's a liar as well as a controlfreak abuser. If he's not answering your calls, thank God, and QUIT CALLING!!! Find something to occupy your time for now. Volunteer work is always good--maybe you should help out at a shelter for abused women, just so you know the score.

Answer 10

Stay at your mom's house, don't go back and don't call anymore. No one deserves the awful way he treats you and no one should control another person the way he has. It won't get any better. You need to learn to love yourself and learn that you deserve better than the the treatment you have been getting. You have golden opportunity to change your life now that you are not living with him. Take it and run and save yourself a life of misery and heartbreak.

You are not nothing and he is not deserving of the love you show him. Find someone who deserves you.

Answer 11

You need to put yourself first, and make you and your happiness and dreams a priority over everything else. After you take some time out to focus on you and get better self esteem, you will no longer want to stay with someone who treats you like this. He might not be leaving serious bruises or anything now, but in time it will progressively get worse and worse. Do what is best for you, LEAVE HIM, and take some time to get to know yourself better and become happy with who you are.