Agree or Disagree?

Question

It has been said that getting involved in a relationship is like putting a magnifying glass on the other persons character defects.....
Do you agree or disagree? And if so, how does one guard against it?

Thanks for answering...

Blessings to all
)o( Trinity

Answer 1

Actually, we tend to see flaws that we ourselves also carry so in a way it is projection. There is no way to escape the vulnerability of being human. It's the chance you take when you fall in love. So, I respectfully disagree. It is an opportunity to notice if you have the same things going on inside of you. I wish you well. (Of course, all of this changes if the other person is an abusive jerk) I also agree with Cheryl. If I put my husband under the microscope and was unhappy about the smallest little annoyances then I'm not being very kind or loving. There are many things I can easily overlook because I love him. I wouldn't want him to take a microscope to me and he doesn't.

Answer 2

Dear Trinity,

Blessings to you sis!

I think that the magnifying glass comes after the initial glow wears off. At first, you have blinders on and you ignore faults that are obvious to everyone. If you get into a permanent relationship during this phase , it is really dumb, in my opinion. Two people getting married need to be able to see each others faults and be able to accept them before accepting the commitment of marriage.

Then, afterward, you went in with your eyes wide open and I think this magnifying glass phenomenon is less likely to occur. Then, it isn't like, "oh, if only I had noticed before hand that he leaves the toilet seat up and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!"

One guards against it by getting to know the other person inside and out before a serious commitment, and also by having patience, remembering that you love the person, and by remembering your OWN faults.

Blessings,
Lady Morgana )0(
ps I applied for the job, I will let you know... thanks for the counsel!

Answer 3

For sure, the longer you live with someone, or go out with them, the more deeply you come to know them, understand how they react, what pleases them and what annoys them.

And so your partner also comes to know you.

One person's defect is another person's cute habit. Things that start off being very attractive can become really annoying. Someone wanting to spend heaps of time with you can be great in the first month and clingy in the second. Someone who detaches and needs their space can seem distant in the first year, considerate in the second.

The central pillars of a good relationship in my opinion are these things:

1) Trust
2) Communication
3) Honesty

Having all these things won't make for a perfect relationship, but they will help keep a good relationship healthy. A note on trust especially. Trust isn't an absolute thing. Don't ask whether you trust, ask what you trust. I don't trust my partner to arrive anywhere on time. She very rarely does. By naming what you trust you avoid unrealistic expectations.

The next point is really important. Relationships are like gardens. They have seeds and weeds. A lot of people spend their time digging up weeds (faults) and forget to plant flowers (charming things) and trees (the bedrock that grows slowly through the years). If you spend all your time weeding you can forget to smell the flowers, or bask under the shelter of the trees. All relationships have weeds and flowers.

To answer your question in one sentence...look at the Garden, no matter the weeds. And sometimes even a weed can become, in time, a flower ;-)

Blessings.

Answer 4

Both. I think in a relationship you naturally get to know the other person better(how could you be in a relationship without doing that, right!?) Getting to know people better, though, includes starting to magnify and see not only their "defects" but also the good things about that person. EVERYONE has good and bad things about them. I think that we should not really try to guard against it, but try to be that persons friend, love them, and eventually both people can start to improve themselves. We should be in a relationship because we love someone else, faults and all, which is OK!

Answer 5

Disagree...I think the problem with romantic relationships is that we DON'T put a magnifying glass on the other person's character defects until that initial romantic haze wears off! I think that's where we get the saying that hindsight is 20/20. We get carried away by the superficial image the other person projects and our own desires for romance and love and we fail to see the true character of the other person.

I know that I didn't take nearly a close enough look at my ex-husband's flaws before I married him. Looking back now, I can see all sorts of signs that the relationship wasn't right...that he wasn't the man I imagined that he was. I was too caught up in the feelings...enjoying having someone who wanted to hold my hand...liking the feeling of being with someone...dreaming about the future and ignoring the here and now.

I made the same mistake with my last relationship. I was so blinded by all his grand romantic gestures and his promises that he would never leave me to see that all these behaviors were masking a deep-seated insecurity and a level of emotional manipulation that's completely incompatible with my personality. He stole my heart with his sensitivity and caring...until I realized that the only person's feelings he was really sensitive about were his own!

Twice in my life, I let my heart be broken because I failed to put a magnifying glass on the other person's flaws before I gave my heart away. ...and that is what I intend to guard against in the future.

I ran over my rose-colored glasses with a steamroller...from now on, I want my eyes wide open from the moment I meet someone. I've known far too many women that end up in abusive relationships because they allow themselves to be blinded by romantic feelings toward the true nature of the man in their life. My prayer for myself, for you, and for others is that we can learn to keep our eyes open and learn to see others clearly before we get swept away by feelings and illusions!

Answer 6

Ahhh, character defects... the true test of love. When you spend so much time with a person their defects are going to be in your face all the time. It's up to you to decide if those defects are so grave that you can't accept them. Sure, there are things about my husband that bug me, but I have to look at the big picture and remember all the good, loving things he does for me. In comparison, those little annoyances don't mean much. If you're out to find fault, then you WILL find it. If you truly love someone, you can overlook the little things. However, if the character defects are glaringly bad, it's obvious that you need to get this person out of your life.

Answer 7

Time without communication is what puts on the magnifying glass to defects.

Being in a relationship that is worth building is putting a magnifying glass on a persons positive attributes...

Answer 8

I have never heard this saying, but i DO agree. I also applaud Your concentration on Your OWN behavior, because a lot of discord can arise from the fact that You are also under the microscope, but You aren't trying to change the other person's behavior.

You have a strong moral compass, Trinity. Trust Yourself -- You are already on guard.

Bright Blessings!

Answer 9

Yes, in many ways I do. It's like once your in a relationship you are constantly seeing and finding new faults in them and what they do. That's a very interesting saying and you get a star from me!

Answer 10

You are partly right, but get over it! LOVE without judgement.

The time to judge is passed when you have swore to GOD that you will be faithful and true until death (and beyond).

He commands us to love. So don't focus on lame excuses to disobey our Lord!!!