Cardiac Cath - husband can't make it - here he sits!?

Question

Ugh. I am having a cardiac cath today. I am only 45 and a thin vegetarian who is active. I had a virus that damaged my heart. This is very difficult for me to accept.

My husband accepted a meeting at work at the same time as my cardiac cath, four days after he said his schedule was clear and 4 days before the procedure. He sent me an email of the meeting setup and asked if I could get a ride. I did, but I was hurt. This is not the first time work has come first. Last night I found out he has 20 days of vacation time stored up. (I would have thought he would have put in for a vacation day as soon as my cath was scheduled.)

In general, he is a good man. He helps out around the house and is sweet to me, a good provider, but work comes first.

Now this morning he is watching tv before he goes to work. He is so busy at work he can't get out of a meeting, but he is watching tv before work.

Is this as bad as it feels to me?

Oh, and the meeting was to practice a training session he is giving to the people who work for him. It's not a big deal and he is the vice president. The meeting location (an hour from the hospital) and time were set by an underling. He could have easily said let's do it earlier or the next day or closer to the hospital for crying out loud.

Answer 1

Well, I think he's acting the a**, truth be told. But I can also tell you it's not the first time I've seen a spouse duck out on it either. Sometimes they are simply scared to face the truth, afraid they will lose their spouse and even more afraid to face their own mortality. Trying to watch TV would suggest that he's trying to maintain what is for him normal life. Not that it's a great excuse, but it is one explaination. Then again, he may be truly a workaholic. It could also be how he defines his role as a good husband. Hard to say exactly what the motivation is. Not that it matters, because you are still hurt and alone in this, and the person you wanted to have nearby isn't pulling his share. I think when this is over and you are more on your feet, I'd give the fellow an invitation to see a marriage counsellor. You are more than entitled to air your feelings and expect some modicum of response from him, and remind the man that he did promise "in sickness and in health". I wouldn't give him any wiggle room either. It would be a demand if it were me. There is a time and place for all things. Currently his place should be with you, at this particular time. Since he couldn't seem to understand that, I wouldn't give him much choice in the time or place to discuss the state of your relationship, and what you expect from it and him in the future. If he's not willing and able to do that, then it might be time to move on. Sweet man or not, his behavior stinks.

Answer 2

He either doesn't realize how scared you are and/or feels that that he can't get out of this meeting. You need to calmly talk to him about this asap. Call him at work and apologize for not saying anything sooner but that you really do need him for this, that you are a little uncomfortable with this procedure. Use your own adjective obviously but you can't be mad at him if you haven't made sure he knows how you feel about this and what you need from him. You should have called him after that email to let him know that you'd rather he come with you and he would of had the possibility to re-schedule that meeting. You can't be wishy-washy when dealing with a mates work schedule, they have some ability to control it but only with work and forethought. I realize that you want him to be able to look at the situation give you what you need automatically as you probably do for him on a daily basis. I've generally found that most men don't really think in those means. There not as used to caring for other people and so don't automatically process the needs of those around them in real time as well as women. Not really their fault, their mothers and sometimes us have trained them to be this way.Good luck with everything.

Answer 3

I surely can understand why your thoughts are harm, mine may well be too. you're scared and disillusioned or perhaps although a cath is usually a secure technique that's significant to you. Did you attempt telling him how scared you have been? Did you verify he understood the seriousness of this technique? circulate in there turn off the television and tell him precisely the form you experience. Workaholics are on occasion very perplexing to stay with and in case you desire some thing out of them that's no longer artwork you may desire to be very convey or you will no longer get it. good success to you. Take care and God Bless

Answer 4

I have been thru 4 catherations a 7 bypas an stent, wife was with me all they allowed. She has had 2 caths, 1 stent I was there ,1 son was there for her. A man CAN make arrangements to be with his wife at a time like this. My co. knows I would quit if they restricted my ability to be there when she needed me. After 21 years at the co. I left for other reasons. Best of luck e-mail me if you want.
Jim

Answer 5

First off, I want you to know that I feel really bad for you that you are going through all of this, and need more support from your husband. There might just be a problem in communication, he might not realize how important it is to you, that he be there for you. Maybe you just need to calmly, set down with him, and explain that to him. I do the same thing, but it is true, men can not read our minds. Some times we just have to come right out and tell them what we want, and need.
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Answer 6

This seems to be a woman thing. Why do women think a job is another woman? Why do women think you can just show up or not as you please? Why do woment think men WANT to go to work?

Don't women realise that if you blow off a meeting where 5 other people are gathered in part to get your input, or are gathered there to discuss what you should be doing for the next 3 months, you stand a good chance of getting fired?

If they install a stent or 2 today, the charges will be in the neighborhood of $100,000.00. Don't you think he should be making sure he has you covered by health insurance rather than acting as a taxi driver?

No, its not as bad as it feels. It is very good.

I can't speak to how important the meeting is, or what cost is involved in another day of an untrained work force. If the vice president is doing the training, I assume its important. I am however, pretty sure that you don't get to BE vice president by taking days off. I'm also sure that there is some vice vice president somewhere that is eager to have the VP position...perhaps the guy who set the time for the meeting...in an effort to make some political point about relative dedication to work to the President....



....anyway....good luck....its like a half hour on the star ship enterprise...enjoy the buzz and the floor show...

Answer 7

None of this makes much sense. The heart cath. ,as far as I know is an angiogram with dye used to look for blocked coronary arteries. Don't understand how a virus you had could cause this type CAD problem. Heart damage of a mechanical nature would show up under Echocardiogram.

Answer 8

Its clear to me that your heart is broken in more ways than one. I would suggest that you worry about your physical heart first; focus on that and getting it healed. Once you've completed that hurdle, then spend some time on fixing the emotional heart too. I wish you well in both regards.

Ralph

Answer 9

He needs a smack. Tell him this in a loud voice: "Wake up stupid, you may eventually lose your wife, show some support."

Answer 10

i can imagine how you feel im having it done tomarrow and im freaking right now.