My girlfriend about a month ago was diagnosed as Hiv positive. I was tested after hearing this and came back negative. I'm am trying to be with her but I know that I cant do it if I stay Hiv negative. I cant ever have sex with her again. I did a couple of nights ago. The only reason I did it was because I was drunk and so was she. We used condoms but twice during sex I saw the condom broke. That makes me freak out even more and also lets me know I cant risk my health anymore by having sex with her. I love her and she has been the best to me but I cant continue on. I also was drugged and raped awhile back so I'm dealing with that stress too. All this is too much stress for me. How do I tell her I cant do this and I want to break up?
2007-10-17 03:31:57 · 16 answers · asked by scaredbad 1 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ STDs
I would talk to her about and possibly go see a HIV/AIDS counselor. I am negative and was with someone for over 2 years that was positive- to this day I still am negative. In the beginning it was hell- your mind plays tricks on you and it's not pleasant. If you really feel you can't be with her anymore, just tell her. If you have doubts but want to be with her, see a specialist. Having HIV doesn't mean the end of the world. Also, it's a lower risk of a male catching it from a female- but overall there still is a risk, never zero chance. I know how you feel and it's heartbreaking =(
My thoughts and prayers go out to the both of you and wish only the best.
2007-10-18 16:20:59 · answer #1 · answered by RJ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You cannot contract HIV through saliva. The viral numbers in saliva, tears, sweat & urine are too low to be a source of transmission. The use of condoms will reduce the risk of HIV transmission by 80%. Nothing in life carries a 100% guarantee. So even if you were to use condoms consistently AND correctly, there would still be a 20% chance that you could contract HIV. Now if you're asking me and others here at the YA if it's too risky to have an HIV-positive girlfriend so I'm going to throw the question right back at you. Is a 20% chance too risky for you?
2016-03-13 00:42:48 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a women HIV+ and had this for 21Years +....I will make this short and sweet. You love her or you do not. I must assume you do care somewhat about her or you would not be asking this question. Let's brake this down. I am and have been HIV + for over 21 years. In that time I was married, (divorced because he cheated) had aboyfriend (who like you left because he could not deal with it.. And am now with a man who is amazing! None of these men became sick nor infected. I have had 3 children after I was diagnosed and they are all grown now 23,20 and 19 respectively. All are well and not infected. It all depoends on your feelings and your willingness to learn. Other diseases are bad but only few carry the stigma attached to this.. with a few modifications and precautions, lots of love and support life can go on. I too had been through the rape scenario and in my case it left behind the present of this (HIV) You do not actually have AIDS unless you have what they refer to as AIDS defining illnesess. Did I say Short and sweet? LOL I lied. Please depending on your feelings for each other be guided by that rather than what the world feels. You should also get some help for you because there is pain from before. But please do not act rashly or with judgment. No on asks for this illness and depression (like dealing with a loss of someone you care for) could make her more sick. There is hope,ways to deal and so much more than there was for me back in 1986. Talk,be honest and do not just walk away... I hope the best for you. Love is an amazing tool in keeping well. Also it is easier for the woman to get this than the man. It does not travel up your urethra (penis) unless you have opened cuts. She on the other hand was /is at a greater risk allways because of general anatomy. I had 3 kids,maybe I was lucky but I also refused to go into fatalist mode. Education (intelligent only) is the key. Good luck! I hurt for you both.....
2007-10-18 23:49:04 · answer #3 · answered by Czechit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stay true to yourself, but I am not certain that breaking up with her is the thing that you really want to do. This is a situation that doesn't arise everyday. If you must break up with her do it with honesty and express your concerns. Don't let her think that you are breaking up with her for any other reason than the one you have mentioned.
It sounds like you need some therapy in order to get your life right.
After you leave her you may find yourself lonely and depressed and sad. You will miss her since there isn't anything wrong in the relationship. I know it doesn't seem fair, and this is a girl that you could probably spend a fair amount of your life with. I guess what I am saying is allow a lot of time away from her before you decide to pick up the phone and see how she is doing. Respect her enough to allow her to get over you by not interacting with her because you miss her and because you are lonely. She is going through a really tough time as well.
Furthermore, don't forget to follow up with more HIV testing to ensure that you are not positive.
If you find it impossible to break up with her because you love her, there is always counseling available for both of you and education of how to have a relationship that is healthy and sexual if in fact you are willing. The key is education. I know people who are in relationships with other people who are positive and they are not. I never understood it because they were aware of the disease prior to being involved. With the exception of one couple and the woman decided to stay anyway. One couple in particular are married and are trying to have a baby. He is the one who is HIV Positive and he can have his sperm washed in order to actually have a child together. I am just saying that HIV doesn't have to determine the end of your relationship if you are willing to educate yourself and have safe sex and alternative sex with your partner. I would speak with a doctor for education on new treatments and sexual education.
Follow your heart and respect your girlfriend and be honest with her and don't lead her on with a line like once you get through what you are going through there may be a hope of reconciliation. Be kind and loving in your delivery.
Best Wishes!
2007-10-17 03:50:35 · answer #4 · answered by Greenie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes 6 months before you can have an accurate HIV test and since you slept with her a few nights ago and know the condom broke I think you chances for contacting the disease are about 99%. Sorry but if I were you I would get some better condoms and not spread a deadly virus.
2007-10-17 03:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh how sad. You have really got to talk to your girlfriend about your fears. You can't just dump her as she's probably as scared about what's happening to her as you are. You ought to have regular HIV tests especially since the dreadful rape that happened to you and I think you probably both need counselling bigtime. Her for the HIV and you for the rape. Getting drunk and having sex is obviously not doing either of you any good at the moment although getting blotto probably does blot it all out for a while. If you do have sex, buy good quality condoms that don't break; talk to her seriously about the way you feel and listen to what she tells you about how she feels too; don't abandon her. She needs you and I think you probably need her at the moment.
2007-10-17 03:42:24 · answer #6 · answered by chris n 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like you really love her if that's your only reason for leaving her. I do understand that its not something to be taken lightly but if you really love her then you should be able to support her and be willing to try and make it work. HIV is not a joke but I have a STD for several years and have to take meds everyday to maintain. But my fiance is comfortable with my condition and does not judge me for it. Our sex life is so pass wonderful. Also you should be grateful that she told you, sadly there are some women in this world that would've never said a word.I'm sure you do care about her but you should think about what kind of love you think you have for her. If you are going to leave her you need to be honest about why you are leaving her.
2007-10-18 08:18:02 · answer #7 · answered by Jessica C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am 22 and have just found out I am HIV positive.
My boyfriend at the moment has just broke up with a girl from 17 years! she was positive too by coincedence. he had sex millions of times without protection and he is still negative!!
I did all sorts of things with my ex for 3 years, sex on my period, we even did the whole blood brothers thing. and he is negative!
It is very very difficult for a man to get it from a woman, although you should def use protection. You obviously dont love her, but she is obviously going through what I am going through and you breaking up with her could destroy her!! You need to be there for her as a friend at least, but explain yor fears without meking her feel like a lepper, she will be emotionally unstable, the news probably hasnt even hit her yet, its a very difficult time for anyone where true feelings will come out!
2007-10-17 03:40:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just be honest and I'm sure she will understand considering the circumstances.
I would recommend not having ANY sex again for another 3 months until you can be tested again. You don't want to infect others if you turn out to be positive.
2007-10-17 03:37:09 · answer #9 · answered by Nic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude...you are risking your life!!! WHY???
Run run away and sty away.
make it cold and fast; no point in letting the wounld fester with a slow breakup.
I think. honey i love you but i can't place my entire life at risk over this relationship. I can't be with you because i do love you and know i would want to be intimate again I am sorry be SEEEYAAAA!
ok leave out the SEEEYAAA!
HIV is transmitted through 99% of people who are IV drug users and gays. The next largest group are people whio sleep with IV drug users. i am curious how she got it if she is with you?
2007-10-17 03:44:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋