I have a friend who is in competition with me, I announced that I am marrying my partner next year, a week later she is
getting wed to a man she hardly knows, they had a one
night stand 2 years ago live in different countries and are now getting wed.
They were not in a relationship when she got pregnant, she took the morning after pill but it failed and she had the son.
THis man has only seen his 20 month old son once, she took the son, they were not in a relationship before the journey, now all of a sudden they are getting wed!
She is questioning the strength of my relationship, I have been with my fella for 4 years, lived with him for 3!!
She plans to live with her man for 3 months before she marries him!
I told her that I think she is making a big mistake and I told her that she is dating this guy she is not in a relationship with him!
I am planning my wedding and she is making comments and saying her rings and dress is better etc!
what should i do?
2007-10-11 23:48:10 · 16 answers · asked by Rebz 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
That is exactly the situation that happened between my friend and I. She dated this guy from a foreign country online for 6 months. He came to Hawaii for 2 weeks then proposed. (I dated my guy for almost five years before getting married.) Keep in mind, they didn't speak the same language and he has a son in the country he's from. We were supposed to be each other's MOH but that never worked out because of the drama that ensued (won't get into that). Two weeks after the wedding, she finds out that she's pregnant. Speed forward a year, they're getting a divorce.
For what it's worth, you know she's making a mistake but if you saying anything at all about it -- she will tell her husband to be and your friendship will suffer as a result. Don't try to change her mind. She feels the need to compete because she's actually very insecure in herself and envious of your relationship. Remind yourself of that. Secondly, put the comments to a stop by counteracting her negative statements with something positive. You could even say something to the effect of, "I'm happy that you're excited about the choices you've made but that's no reason to put my choices down. I love the _____(flowers, dress, centerpieces or whatever) that I've chosen." If she continues to be rude, cut the conversations short and hang up. She'll get the hint.
2007-10-12 02:22:35 · answer #1 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would understand if your question was filled with concern for your friend making a big mistake, but your question is worded as though your biggest concern is that she is claiming her wedding will be better than yours.
Who actually cares who has the "best wedding"? A wedding is made up of many elements, and no two weddings are the same. But the most important thing about the wedding is not the material things, but what the wedding actually means! You are getting married to someone you love - and if your emails is anything to go by, your friend is getting married to someone she doesn't really love.
Who will have the best wedding, probably you.
2007-10-12 00:16:15 · answer #2 · answered by fire_woman_1978 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. You can't stop other people getting married, it is her life and if it goes wrong then she is the one who has to deal with that.
2. Don't tell her any details of your wedding, just say you're keeping the plans a secret for now, then she cannot criticise your dress/ring/choice of venue etc
3. Personally I think she is being silly, but who am I to say what is right or wrong for her, like I said, if it messes up then that's her mess to deal with.
4. The more you tell her she is wrong the more she will dig her heels in and do what she wants to, just keep your views on the matter to yourself, hopefully she will come to her senses and see how silly she is being.
2007-10-12 02:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to be she who has the problem.
As a friend you have voiced your concerns; but she is a big girl!
Go ahead with your wedding and consider whether or not she should be part of it. If she persists in trying to belittle you and your efforts then your friendship is in danger; bettrer to lose a friend than she be allowed to muck up your wedding or your marriage.
2007-10-12 00:00:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel, when i announced my wedding, my best friend told everyone he was planning his wedding and was going to have it not long after mine, the problem is he dont even have a partner!!
Now he is questionning my wedding and telling everyone it is a joke!
2007-10-12 01:57:09 · answer #5 · answered by linsy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weddings should not be competitions. It is YOUR choices, not hers that are important. Next time she criticizes your choices, tell her that everyone has a right to their own opinion about what they like.
Your relationship certainly sounds more stable than hers!!!
2007-10-11 23:59:43 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remove her from your wedding plans and basically your life....she's NOT in competition with you
She's imitating you and her ego refuses to let her believe that you could possibly have one ounce of happiness or do anything right....
You want you marriage to work with the little snot running inteference....... get rid of her......
2007-10-12 00:38:03 · answer #7 · answered by missceekay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is obviously not a good friend. Confront her with your concerns, if she acts like she has no idea what you are talking about then, say okay and let it and her go. Surround yourself with positive people and not those that need to put you down to feed their own ego.
2007-10-11 23:58:07 · answer #8 · answered by That NC Girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ignore her. She's obviously insecure and feels that the only way to make herself feel better is to do what you're doing and then one-up.
Let her do her thing. Wish her well (sincerely), and don't chastise her.
2007-10-12 03:19:11 · answer #9 · answered by sylvia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mind your business and worry about your own wedding.
2007-10-12 02:51:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋