I live in the UK, and my stepsister is getting married in France next week and most of my family from NZ will be attending. My Dad forwarded the invite on to me assuming that I would be invited. A few days later my Dad told me my stepsister had said that I wasn't invited because I got too drunk when went on a family holiday 2 years ago (they think I wouldn't be able to control myself for one afternoon-I'm 26yo btw) Anyway, I had bought the ticket and when they found this out, they made my Dad call me and uninvite me due to this holiday "incident". He felt terrible and while I can appreciate that I wasn't invited in the first place, I think it was a bit extreme to go to the effort to uninvite me when we've had no problems before. Today, I've received a group email inviting us all to their NZ wedding ceremony. I don't want to go, but feel I should to keep the peace? Should I go?(I'll be in NZ at the time anyway) I feel I should add that we never have any family dramas-this is the first.
2007-10-11 22:24:44 · 31 answers · asked by P R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If this were me then I don't think I'd go. That was incredibly rude not to invite you in the first place and then to uninvite you was the height of rudeness. You're not good enough to go to the wedding in France but you are for NZ........ doesn't make sense to me. I'd drop a note saying, very politely of course, that given their feelings towards you and a mistake that you made 2 years ago that you think it would be best if you didn't attend. It would go something like this:
Dear NAME
I appreciate the invitation to your NZ wedding but I think it might be best for all if I don't attend. I'm sorry that you hold a mistake from 2 years ago against me. I'm the same person whether I'm in France or New Zeland and if my mistake of 2 years ago prevents me from being an acceptable guest in France then it should also prevent me from being acceptable in NZ. This is your special day and while I'll miss sharing it with you it is, after all, the most important day so far in your life and I don't want you to worry that I might do something to embarrass you or any family members. I hope that you'll send me a couple of pictures because I'm sure you'll be a most beautiful bride. Best wishes to you and NAME in your new life together.
YOUR NAME
This is what I'd do anyway. Good luck in what ever choice you make.
2007-10-12 01:24:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Hell no I wouldn't go. Are you kidding? The only thing your Dad did wrong was not setting the girl straight. You should have never been "uninvited". He needs to get a spine and stand up to his wife and step daughter and protect you. Don't go, and don't send any gifts either. Make sure that it is known that you are deeply offended and that you do not want to be where you are not wanted. Keep the peace?? You never broke the peace so keeping it is not your responsibility.
If you do go maybe you could spill some red wine on her dress!
Even better show up at the wedding in France and feign confusion. Oh I was invited to the NZ wedding, not the France wedding? Gee I must have gotten them mixed up with all of the inviting and uninviting.
But then again I can be spiteful and vindictive so maybe you should just stay home!
2007-10-12 07:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by JM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be the bigger person and go. The fact that you bought the ticket without having received an official invitation shows that you care about family connections, probably more than they do. They are most likely very embarassed at the way they reacted and will make more of an effort to be nice. Maybe it will be a bit akward, maybe not but if you don't go there could be weirdness between you from now on. It's sad that they reacted the way they did initially, so just be the bigger man.
Couldn't hurt to take dancing lessons before you go and add that extra bit of class and suaveness ehh? :-) Would love to see the look on their faces as you swirl your Aunts and all the ladies around the dance floor, dipping and all!
2007-10-12 05:46:49 · answer #3 · answered by ETicket 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I surely would not go, especially being invited with a group e-mail?! She couldn't even send you a personal email let alone an actual invitation?!? Oh no, this child does not have the slightest sense of etiquette let alone common courtesy. You are family, not the street sweeper, and should be treated as such.
If it were me I think I'd hit reply on that email and tell her you were insulted by her previous actions and therefore do not feel that you would be welcome at her wedding. The fact that you were included in the group invitation only points out to you that you are being treated as an afterthought and as a family member you find it insulting.
Meet up with the family you wish to see while you are in the area and enjoy the time.
2007-10-12 04:08:54 · answer #4 · answered by Cory C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they didn't invite you because of a one-off incident that was years ago then I say DO NOT GO! They weren't going to invite you anyway. Nah, stuff them!!! Shame on your parents for letting the stepsister get away with that sort of behaviour as well! They should have stuck up for you and said it was a once off thing and of course you would be perfectly fine at a wedding. But if none of them thought you were some kind of alcoholic that can't handle themselves in public then I say don't go. Assho!es!!! You deserve better and can do better than being treated like that. If you get married, be sure not to invite her and blame it on some one-time thing she did ages ago! Jerks!!
2007-10-11 22:52:58 · answer #5 · answered by BTB2211 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like what sorryfoot wrote. whether your dad was right or wrong he invited you - his child - to attend your stepsisters wedding. Was the drunk thing from 2 years ago a one time deal? If so then my feelings would be hurt and I'd also be royally p!ssed. I'd just copy the letter and let the chips fall where they may. If you do have a drinking problem then you should get some help - not for the snotty brat.... oops! bride - but for yourself.
2007-10-12 01:52:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow... how rude of your step sister to "uninvite" you... sounds like she is being childish, she should have just sent you an invite at that time and asked your father to mention that they do not want any drunken displays buy ANYONE (not singling you out). I personally wouldn't go... but I am catty that way ! lol ! It seems like you are a caring person who wants to keep the peace in his family... so go and put on a smile and if someone happens to mention the France wedding simply smile and say it was no big deal! Good luck
2007-10-12 00:52:09 · answer #7 · answered by daniegirl917 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your dad wasn't in a position to invite and then uninvite you to begin with. If you received an invitation from your sister directly then that's the one you go by. Drink ginger ale that day and have a good time. No one likes a public lush.
2007-10-11 23:55:23 · answer #8 · answered by That NC Girl 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This makes me really angry, i've never met your step-sister and i don't think i ever want to, she sounds like a nasty, stuck up so and so, when her own family is not good enough!!
I don't blame your father one bit as others have said, of course he would have presumed you were invited you ARE family. Your step sister needs to pull her head in I feel!!
As for the getting to drunk thing, does she drink, has she ever been drunk maybe there is something she's done that you could point out to her, make her realise that he happens to everyone at some point in their life!!
Not really sure if I would go, I would be too angry. If I did go I would have to have a dig sometime and really give it to her in a nice way, nothing to drastic!!!
Good luck,
Give her a slap for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-10-12 03:41:29 · answer #9 · answered by christy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Playing "the blame game" doesn't usually solve problems, but in this case part of the problem seems to be that you are blaming the hosts for this situation -- when it is DAD who is the culprit. He issued an invitation which he had not been authorized to issue. If Dad has issued only one such invitation, yours, perhaps the hosts should have just warned Dad to knock it off and sent you a proper invitation. But if Dad had really screwed up and issued numerous of these unauthorized invitations, then Dad had an obligation to undo his mistake by calling and apologizing for his presumption.
You are incorrect in thinking of this as being uninvited; you can't be uninvited when you haven't been invited in the first place. Perhaps Dad SAID you were invited, but whether honest mistake or vicious deception, Dad's words were untrue. And even if you WERE on the guest list, Dad should have waited for the hosts to invite you in their own way and their own time, not taken it upon himself to "scoop" the hosts.
What I would guess is now happening is that the hosts feel badly for those who -- through Dad's interfering and no fault of their own -- have bought plane tickets and made other expenditures for the sake of attending this distant event. And they are trying to make things alright by expanding their guest list to include such people.
You obviously DID want to attend or you wouldn't have bought the plane ticket. Since the hosts have bent over backwards to "make up for" any inconvenience -- inconvenience created by Dad, not by themselves -- then it would be ungracious to act in any way that could be perceived as a snub, such as not attending.
I advise against mentioning the drunken family holiday, or even hinting that you suspect that is the reason you were not on the original guest list. But I also advise that make this an alcohol free holiday. We all THINK we're not going to drink too much, but why take a chance when you have a bad reputation to overcome?
2007-10-12 01:06:40 · answer #10 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋