Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-- Babe Ruth
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-- Ernest Hemingway
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Paul Hornung
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
-- H.L. Mencken
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- George Bernard Shaw
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry
Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.
-- W.C. Fields
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
-- Professor Irwin Corey
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!
-- Leo Durocher
One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
"This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
"That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
2007-10-11 22:20:26 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Burp!
2007-10-11 22:25:28 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
A beer in the hand is worth two in the fridge.
How does a man show that he's planning for the future?
He buys two cans of beer instead of one.
I drink to make other people interesting. (Dave Barry.)
How to impress a woman:compliment her,cuddlle her,kiss her, caress her,love her,tease her,comfort her,hug her,hold her,spend money on her,wine and dine her,listen to her,care for her,stand by her,support her,go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to impress a man:Turn up naked with beer.
2007-10-11 22:40:35 · answer #2 · answered by the gunners 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That's where the expression "beer goggles" comes from. After enough beer, anyone looks good.
2016-04-08 04:46:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont forget Homer Simpson -
Alcohol - the cause and solution to all of lifes problems
2007-10-12 00:21:10 · answer #4 · answered by Kinkerbell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best one I heard was from Dean Martin (I think).
"When sober people wake up they know it's the best they are going to feel all day".
"When I wake up with a hangover I know things can only get better"!
Sheer brilliance
2007-10-11 22:26:38 · answer #5 · answered by Disid 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sorry got no quotes for you but,went out with my lover on Monday and i took him to a traditional Irish pub,i ordered him a pint of ginnius he took a sip and says thats a lovley cup of tea!!!doctors appointment on monday,obviously going mad.
2007-10-11 22:32:37 · answer #6 · answered by karen. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My favourite:
'You cannot call yourself a country unless you brew a beer & have an airline. ... But especially the beer. ' (Frank Zappa)
2007-10-11 22:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by eriverpipe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ha ha ha i'm just about to send mrs smarty to buy me a support group as long as she doesn't come back with those fricking osmonds.
2007-10-12 02:52:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahhahahaaaa, i think i better start drinking again hahaha
2007-10-12 08:24:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
2007-10-11 22:31:58 · answer #10 · answered by tristin_le 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋