Soon to be step mommy...?

Question

My fiance has a 1 year old daughter with a woman who has little to no respect for either of us, and makes it a habit to make comments on a recent miscarriage... I am a little worried that as the baby gets older, she will resent me and think that I might have taken her father away from her mother when that is not the situation at all. They had split up even before my fiance's ex found out she was pregnant. I just fear her mother might tell her things, I see that happen all the time with my nieces mother, always making rude comments to a little girl about her father... I respect her mother for being a single mother and I love his daughter as if she were my own but does any one have any suggestions as to showing her as she gets older that she shouldn't resent me or dislike me for anything? I know it sounds silly because she's so young now, but it still worries me all the same.

Answer 1

Just be yourself, you don't have to prove anything to her other then you love her as your own. When she gets old enough she will understand

Answer 2

You say the Mother has no respect for her ex-husband or you- It isn't realistic to think that this child will be hearing about that from the time she can communicate and then during her whole life. Your husband is the one responsible for making sure that as she grows up, he will not tolerate her resentment or disrespect of you. Is he prepared to do that? If not, proceed with caution. You are not her mom and never will be. Even if her mom is the worst person in the world and you are an angel, she is still going to believe everything her mom says about you. If her mom doesn't respect you now, odds are, she never will.

Answer 3

You have every right to be worried. Are you strong enough to handle it and is the man in your life supportive to you? I'm a step-mom and ended up adopting the two girls when they were 3 and 4. My husbands X was pregnant with the 2nd one when we got together. I don't think she will blame you for the break-up because she is too young to even remember the two of them together. By that time the mother will have gotten over it and maybe even be married. One thing I will say, chances are no matter what you do, for no reason at all she will dislike you and resent you when she gets to be a teenager. My 16 year old is living with her grandma and says all sorts of overblown bad stuff about me. When I asked her why she is treating me this way her answer was "you irritate me" and "just because". Girls are hard. Don't over try to be loved and nice. It will blow up in your face and it will hurt like hell. Hope it'll be different for you. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Even though I am not a parent and I have never had stepparents, I can understand your worries. My advice to you is to continue to love your new daughter and respecting her mother as you have been. I do not honestly think she will resent the fact that she has two mothers as she gets older; in fact, if she has close relationships with both you and her real mother, she will probably think that it is cool to have two moms. Also, if she will be staying with you and her father most of the time, it is likely that your stepdaughter will come to be closer to you than her real mother!

Answer 5

I am a step mom, and I know exactly what you are talking about, but all you can do is be kind and caring to the little girl, and never talk negatively about her mother around her. Most kids will feel that they have to be loyal to their mom and hate who mom hates, but if she sees the positivity in your home she will have nothing to hate. Show her every day that you love her and her father. She is young enough that mom probably won't be able to make her resent you.

Answer 6

You can't control other people's mouths (If only we could the world would be nicer to each other) the best that you can do is love the child and if she repeats the bad things that mommy says you respond with "that's OK mommy doesn't like me but I love your mommy" Then say something like mommy doesn't mean the things she said she was upset about something and I like mommy a lot. It will take the sting out of what the child hears mommy say. And you will be the nice mom in her life and it sounds like she will need that from you.the child will respect you more when she is older.

Answer 7

The main thing is to never say anything bad about the mom and not to let your husband do it either. Also, do not let the chold call you mother or mom. Use a nick name like "me-me" or something for her to call you.

Eventually, his ex may warm up to you once she sees that you are not trying to take her place or bad mouth her to the child. If she does eventually get close to you, just never discuss what goes on between you and your husband because that will give way to big problems.

This advice stems from experience.

Answer 8

okay I'm a parent and I've had a step parent growing up. i Never resented my step father UNTIL he started trying to be the main disciplinarian which in my opinion is what step children hate MOST its Not fair to me because i believe only biological parents should do the BULK of the discipline seeing as their the one who conceived the child.So love her and set some boundaries but let the mom and dad be the 1 to discipline and everything should be fine.

Answer 9

She gained't like you of route. particularly in case you had something to do with the dissolution of her marriage. with any success you got here into the photo lengthy once they chop up. Your wonderful wager is to chat to her and tell her that you both favor a similar component, to furnish this toddler a contented existence. tell her that you isn't asking her toddler to call you mommy because it quite is perchance her worst worry. tell her that her toddler will call you_____. that you want the transition from domicile to domicile to be as gentle and straightforward as achieveable and that you may get excitement from it if she could write out the toddler's time table so there'll be as little disruption as achieveable . this may educate that you understand her position in this youngster's existence and that you're waiting to be cooperative. She gained't favor to take heed to it yet a minimum of you've taken the perfect steps to create peace.

Answer 10

I too am a stepmother and we have residence of my stepson. It is the hardest job in the world, but I find the best thing is, never let your stepchild hear about or be aware of your dislike/animosity towards his/her mother. That should earn you the respect you so deserve. Also, don't try too hard, they see right through it!

Answer 11

Hiya, well firstly congratulations on your pending marriage...just be yourself and keep your thoughts about the ex to yourself, never let the child hear you or dad slag her mom off...lifes hard and is a ***** most of the time, you only get one chance so good luck and all the best for the future.