ok , I have been living with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. he is 37 and i am 26. I have been trying to convince him to take our relation to the next level. But if he hears the work marriage or kids he gets red in the face and discusted about it.
This is my dream, to someday have a family, 2 years ago i caught him cheating on me with one of his xgirlfriend, it has been going on for the first 2 years of our relationship.
The truth is i am tired of these games with him, i want him to commit something more than just a live in relationship.
I believe that i have proved my love with him by just staying with him, (after he broke my heart) just proves i love him.. but he does not want anything to do with marriage and kids. What should i do?. Please dont say dump him cause we all know it is easier said than done?
2007-10-11 21:15:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i know it's easier said than done but, seriously, dump him now. i'm a guy and i know how we think. he's probably thinking "i've got things good now, she does everything a wife would do for me but i have no responsibilities to her and no commitment, and she'll never leave me!" if he's thinking like that, you're never getting a ring or a family. if you want those things, you **must** go elsewhere or just accept not having them, which would be terrribly hard if that is what you want.
you're 26, not 18. if you want a husband and kids, now is the time to get them. find someone who will give those things to you. a LOT of guys want just what you want. unfortunately for you, your bf (who doesn't sound like he cares for you very much at all...you're probably just convenient and comfortable for him) doesn't. so, find someone who does.
yeah, it's been 4 yrs, and it's a shame to throw that away. but why spend another 4 yrs with this guy and be no closer to marriage/kids than you were before? that is what's gonna happen with this guy if you stay, dollar to a dime. so, cut your losses and move on.
2007-10-11 21:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this case, I would think it's easier DONE than said. I don't mean to be blunt or harsh, but it is obvious you two are not on the same page. If he's 37 and doesn't want to have children or commit to marriage, he's more or less decided on his lifestyle. You are only 26 and like most normal people you DO want marriage and children -- unfortunately it won't be with him from the sound of it. Let me guess 2 things:
I bet he's living with you at YOUR apartment/house AND you make more money than he does since he's in and out of jobs regularly?
It is easy for me to say, so I'll say it: time to move on to someone who will beg for your hand in marriage and want to share in the joy of having children together ...
2007-10-12 04:26:15 · answer #2 · answered by Adios 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats where ur wrong love it's not easier said than done and if u didn't wanna hear it then y post this question. he is never gonna give u what he wants and obviously is very selfish keeping u in a relationship when u's both want diff things. he wants to be a single man with all the quirks of marriage and it doesn't work that way. and him sleeping with an ex for so long means he's not serious about u or ur relationship so get rid of his two timing @ss
2007-10-12 04:23:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say :
- He doesn`t want to become really serious
- He doesn`t want what you desire most (a family)
- He`s been cheating.
I`m sorry - but unless you take a bit firmer stance - it`s never going to happen.
Think long and hard - and be honest, brutally honest to yourself. Do you want to:
- Give up your dreams of having a family for this guy?
- Live with someone who is a known cheat?
- Run the risk of him leaving since 'you aren`t married anyway'?
If your answer to even one of these is "no" - then you should seriously reconsider this relationship.
By the way you describe it, you are a tool to satisfy his (physical) needs - nothing more.
Find a guy that shares your dream for a family, that does respect your wishes - and forget about this one.
While it is easy to say this from behind a keyboard, i do believe this is the best action you can take.
For yourself, and for the future family you wish to have.
Best of luck.
2007-10-12 04:22:25 · answer #4 · answered by U_S_S_Enterprise 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If dumping him is out of the question, then, I can only say that you must pray hard for him to change his attitude towards marriage. From your description of his reaction everytime you convince him to take your relationship on a higher level, I can only surmise that he is not yet ready for marriage or that marriage is not in his vocabulary. Since you cannot leave him because, as you said, that is easier said than done, you have you be be ready to accept the fact that your relationship will remain in that state. Up to when? Only God knows.
2007-10-12 04:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by dol 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Figure out what it is you need from a relationship, and let him know.
If he can't give you what you need, you have to let him go.
I know it's not easy, I've just done the same thing (kissed a three year relationship goodbye).
It hurts and there's a lot of mess. But you're much better off doing it now than in 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years...
2007-10-12 04:21:07 · answer #6 · answered by A_Byrd_In_The_Hand 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change your bf. You have two choices.
(1)You can either accept him just the way he is. (he is a man who gets "disgusted" when you talk about marriage and children).
Or you can
(2) Leave him and find someone who wants the same dreams as you. Someone who will love and respect you and not cheat on you for 2 straight years.
Why the hell are you still with this loser if he cheated on you for two years? Are you really that desperate? He doesn't love you, hun. Sorry.
Cheers
2007-10-12 04:20:34 · answer #7 · answered by Daft One 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Somehow something tells me that nothing is going to change.
Marriages can put a lot of strain on a relationship and I doubt he will cope with it.
As for children - it takes two, so you know that you will probably remain childless whilst you are still in this relationship.
If things are wrong, you need to change the situation, rather than wait until it is a whole lot worse.
2007-10-12 04:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by Mike D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, you're making a big mistake by even asking this question, I know what love feel like, and sometimes we forget about our selfs and we dont care what the person does as longest we have them, but your future is more important then just letting this get worse, this man didnt love you when he cheated on you,why are you still with him, I know is called "love" but dont forget bout yourself if this man really loved you he would talk to you more about a future with you and family but is obvious, he wants to keep messing around and come back to you, as if you were his toy! the best thing to do is break it off before he cheats on you again, the pain would be much worse, I hope this helps you!
2007-10-12 04:25:23 · answer #9 · answered by Ursula M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How could you trust a guy who cheated on you for 2 years? I don't think he is marriage material and certainly isn't someone to start a family with.
2007-10-12 04:18:48 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa H 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋