Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 5 months and we don't get to see each other a lot because we live kinda away from each other, we get to see one another at least once a week (sometimes more if we're lucky) and we get on IM every night but sometimes I feel like i'm the one putting in all the effort in this relationship! I feel like I talk a lot and he says one or two words. He used to really talk to me but now it's just simple words and he takes a long time (sometimes an hour) to respond. I don't want to hurt his feelings, I hate pushing things onto him because I don't want to be selfish or hurt him, but how can I get him to open up more to me? Should I keep talking like I do, talk more like he does, or ignore him more? Thanx!
2007-10-11 18:58:15 · 15 answers · asked by Jamie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thanx for the phone suggestion but We don't talk much on the phone because even then, he doesn't really talk. That's why we prefer IM... am I being too clingy? Or does he really just not know that taking hours to respond to me hurts me?
2007-10-11 19:07:58 · update #1
wow, so many good suggestions....it's going to be hard to have to pick one! I'd like to thank everyone for their suggestions but I think I'm going to try to ask more "non-boring" questions to see how he responds...and if it's the same as always, I will definitely just come out and say it. ha, I think I will come out and tell him how I feel even if he does answer the questions. I love him....and he says he loves me too, we got close emotionally very fast so maybe that's part of it, also I know he has less time than I do but I'm not asking for a whole lot...again, thank you everyone!
2007-10-11 19:23:42 · update #2
Tell him honestly that he is neglecting you.
My girlfriend did that and it worked....
2007-10-11 19:03:18 · answer #1 · answered by Huang K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, Have you tried talking about it yet? That should be the first step, letting him know, how you have noticed a change and how it makes you feel. (be sure to use " I " statements, i.e. " I feel like I dont get to talk to you as much", insted of just saying "you dont talk to me as much now") Often that will either fix it or at least he will give you an explenation.
Sometime guys feel that after they have become comfortable in a relationship that "talking" all the time is no longer neccessary. He may not realize or he may have a lot going on. Its also possible that he is running out of things to say, Maybe you need to start off a conversation with a new topic.
Well i hope some of what i have wrote will help you.
Communication is the key in your relationship and with it you can go far, without you will fall.
Good luck hun hang in there
2007-10-12 02:10:37 · answer #2 · answered by mekitty1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Distances are hard to overcome. I drove an hour and a half both ways to be with my babydoll. Every day. If you love him, really love him, it's worth it to do whatever it takes. Move if you have to. Sit him down when you can and calmly-politely tell him how much what's going on is hurting you and stressing you out. Tell him that he's not doing anything bad, but that you feel like the emotional connection between you two is being strained and that you need a little more consideration and attention. That's all. You don't want to smother him. Just a little more attention would be nice. Right? So tell him. Be open and honest about your thoughts, feelings, needs, and concerns. If you aren't communicating these things with him regularly, how does he know what your needs are much less how to meet them? Think about it. COMMUNICATE. That will solve your problem sweetie. Good luck.
2007-10-12 02:07:44 · answer #3 · answered by B. Nowlin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long distance relationships are extremely hard for both males and females. I do understand your seeing each other when you can, but your relationship is in jeopardy now and even you can tell. Are you in love? If your not then its real easy for him to lose feelings especially when distance is involved. Its not like it use to be and he knows it. You definitely don't want to keep doing this for to much longer because your communication is getting nowhere. In a distant relationship communication is the key along with trust. Don't sit here and put all the effort into this when your not getting what you need in return. A relationship is "a bond between 2 peoples efforts". I suggest you talk to him on a serious note and let him know how you feel, its not selfish its honesty on your part. You don't need this stress in your life. I know you like him, but why waste time when its falling apart?
2007-10-12 02:14:36 · answer #4 · answered by Life is good 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is tell him either on IM or when you see him which might be a better time, that his and your communication is not good anymore and you feel at a lost. Ask him is it anyway he could communicate better with you. And explain how you feel. Remember, you dont want the situation to be a lapse in communication on your part to. So you have to explain all of how you feel, not just part of it. And explain to him also, that you love him and understand why the relationship is distant right now, However, you would like even just a little bit more commuincation than your getting.
2007-10-12 02:06:58 · answer #5 · answered by ashleigh2501 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cut out the IM and start 'phoning. When there's a voice on the line, he'll respond! Some methods of communication are more effective than others!
2007-10-12 02:02:10 · answer #6 · answered by jenesuispasunnombre 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just tell him that you have been feeling neglected lately, and ask him if he would like to split up. He may already have someone else on the side. If he does not, then he will try to make more of an effort to communicate with you.
2007-10-12 02:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try asking him if hes busy if he takes time to respond..if he says no then be like oh ok was wondering so because you dont seem to be talking properly or you are taking time to reply..
this should give him a big hint that you did not really appreciate him taking so long to reply..
its the best to express your feelings without trying to blame him entirely..
2007-10-12 02:05:18 · answer #8 · answered by confused_girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By his silence, he is showing you a lack of interest in you.
While he is silence, he might be talking to someone else!
Be honest with him - let him know that you are loosing interest in him. You'll know what to tell him - I would really be surprise if he gets hurt. If he was interested in you, he would talk - a lot!
2007-10-12 02:11:36 · answer #9 · answered by Yafa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are all about honesty and communication.
Be upfront with him, ask him if everything's ok...that you've noticed he isn't as talkative as he was before. Let him know that has hurt you. If he's a jerk about it, move on with your life...if not, it will improve your relationship.
2007-10-12 02:06:37 · answer #10 · answered by Annie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pose questions that require an in depth answer and if he asks you why you are talking in this way, then tell him straight up that you want to hear him more, and more often.
2007-10-12 02:06:30 · answer #11 · answered by Christian E 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋