How do people survive the death of a child?

Question

My cousin's 18 year old daughter was in a horrible car accident. She's in Intensive Care, she's in GRAVE condition, the doctors have been fighting to save her life all day and they told her family that they have tried everything they know to try to keep her alive. I'm sitting here, just waiting for a call saying she's died... and trying to imagine what her family must be going through. Their anguish must be unbearable... Even if she somehow manages to survive, she will be paralyzed or brain damaged -- maybe both.

The worst of it?? The other two girls in the car weren't hurt because THEY HAD THEIR SEAT BELTS ON. She was always 'too cool' to wear a seat belt and now her life is over. She was thrown from the car into the middle of a highway.

How does a person survive this?? How do I help her family survive this unimaginable loss?

Answer 1

It is hard to get past a lose of a child but often parents do by getting involved in something to remember the child by, for Example John Walsh and America's most wanted after the loss of his son, Adam.
If the girl doesn't make it, one of the things that can make it a little easier perhaps on the family would be if you go to memory-of.com and establish an online memorial where they and all of her other friends and relatives can leave messages, light candles and honor the person wit notes and messages.
You have my condolences and prayers for her recovery - miracles do happen.

Answer 2

Recently I heard something that made a lot of sense to me.

When you lose a parent, you feel like you've lost your past.
When you lose a child, you feel like you have lost your future.

I have four babies (my oldest son is 6, youngest daughter is 9 months). I could not imagine what life would be like without any one of them. I worry constantly about everything, one worry is that every life comes to an end, and I fear more than anything that one of them could face that time before me. Everytime I ever think about it, my mind races over every detail of their lifes that I want to be a part of, and the things that I want to share with them.

I think that if anything ever did happen, I would be alive and breathing, but not alive and feeling. I don't know if that makes any sense at all.

On your end of this situation, I would just be a listening ear for them. Nobody likes to hear stories about other peoples losses in this kind of situation. The few family members that I have lost, I did not want to hear stories about other people dying, or being injured, but instead genuine sympathy, a shoulder to cry on, and believe it or not, but talking about the family member in a positive, happy or funny manner, things that made them happy/smile laugh.

I'm sorry that your family is going through this rough time.

Answer 3

sharing a comforting scripture from the bible always helps spiritually. But another way is by giving support to the grieving family. Perhaps cooking a meal for them or running errands for them will help with the loss. But time is the only thing that will help them get over this terrible tragedy and by mourning during this time is a beginning to that surviving the loss of a loved one. .

Answer 4

You cannot help them. Only time will. Learn a lesson from this tragedy and don't ever drive without a seat belt and never drive with anyone in your car without a seat belt on. Hard to believe in this day and age there are still those out there so self destructive. My condolences to your family.

Answer 5

i'm so sorry. I favor there changed into something i could say that can make each and every thing ok back yet there is not. i'm particular the hurtful words you stated to one yet another were not a lot words of anger as words of grief. You both favor counseling which could help you cope such as your loss. Can your marriage live on is a a lot harder question. Many marriages do not live on yet when you're both prepared to paintings flat out yours could. it appears that evidently you're nevertheless chatting with one yet another and that is a sturdy component. call your interior sight well being middle they could have a listing of help communities for grieving mom and father as well as lists of counselors should you favor more desirable help than the help communities. talk such as your husband and attempt the counseling. you want each and each and every others help as we talk. i visit furnish a prayer for you and your husband. i am hoping the both one among you'll hit upon some peace on your existence.

Answer 6

You just stay as close - all of you. I just lost my 14 yr. old granddaughter & our family is devistated. The hardest thing we've ever gone thru. It too was a car accident, happened 6 doors away from their home, & her 17 yr. old sister was driving. The driver had an air bag & was OK, Dawnie had a seatbelt which is actally what did the damage of internal bleeding. It's been very rough on us all & I now have one granddaughter. She too wuld. have not been normal whatsoever as they gave her 14 units of blood, but she was w/o blood supply for too long. Her little heart culdn't take it & she had heart failure. We do know she is in Heaven, we DO know we w/see her again. Her sister's church youth group didn't leave her side & was w/her constantly along w/her pastor. I do wish the best for all of them, regardless of the outcome. God knows what's best. Just be there for them, that's the MOST important thing you can do period. Stay near them & do whatever makes you feel better. IF you have to cry, scream, do whatever has to be done & don't hold it in. It all depends on the result of it. You're welcome to email me if you feel you'd like to. God bless you ALL...

Answer 7

I can remember what my family suffered years ago, my precious 7 year old niece was shot with an "unloaded gun". She did not survive. The anguish my sister and brother-in- law endured was heart wrenching to witness. I was a Mom myself and that pain of losing her was as close to losing one of my own children, as I ever wanted to get. Years have helped ease the pain, but i don't think you ever get over it. You learn to live with it. Just be there for her Mom and Dad and God bless you all . You will be in my prayers God to spare this young life.

Answer 8

ok well first of all thoughts are with the family through this hard time.

Now onto the situation, I would like to be able to say that bad **** doesnt happen, many parents of children who pass on are able to live relatively normal lives, but people will have to understand that for sometime there is alot of hurt, anger and regret associated with the loss of ones child.

Some couples split up for reasons of guilt, hurt and anger that they cant seem to get rid of.

i hope this couple does stay together, as with some therapy and some very hard days and nights, months weeks and years they will be able to come to terms with thier loss.

They will never forget her, but day by day it will become easier to understand the tragedy.

There is only one thing you can do for them, be there and do as they ask, if they want you to dissapear then dissapear if they need your help, help.

it is impossible for any of us to know what will happen or how you can help. only you can help by doing things they need done.

on the other hand you can always try asking her (the injured girl) to hang in there, even if your not in the same state or country ask her to hang in there with some physical therapy she might be fine.

Doctors arent always right!

Answer 9

time heals everything, but with a loss of a child it is something in gods plan for this awful thing to happen. you will never get over the loss till the day you die. just put your faith in god because of his design and know that the child is at a better place, but it is something you have to live with forever. sorry.

Answer 10

Well, it's hard. Harder than anything you ever do. But I will tell you what makes it easier. Having faith in God that she is with him now. Her life will be so much better in Heaven if she was saved. That's how you get through tragedy. By having faith and trusting God that this was HIS plan. God Bless.