Hi everyone. I just need some kind of support. It's 11:34 right now. My birthday is tomorrow, the 12th. It's probably going to be the worst birthday I've ever had. It's my 21st. Everyone looks forward to that one. Well, I'm 11 weeks pregnant. So no drinking. But that's not the big deal. My fiancee, who is the father of the baby I am pregnant with just got a parole violation yesterday and was sent back to jail. So here I am in our house. Just thinking about how I get to spend my 21st birthday alone. His parole officer is supposed to go see him tomorrow and tell him something. He has a possibility of being sent away for 3 years. He told his p.o. that tomorrow was my birthday. Is it just me or would it be the worst birthday present in the world for his parole officer to show up and I get a call from my fiancee saying happy birthday baby I'm sorry I'll be gone for 3 years. Ok so I know that people might just say I'm feeling sorry for myself. And maybe I am, but I'm just really upset now.
2007-10-11 16:55:03 · 20 answers · asked by mommy2be1205 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Sorry to hear things are not going so well for you at the moment. I'm sure being pregnant doesn't make things much easier either. Now, it's time to put all this in proportion, because dwelling on the misery won't do you any good. You have a second person in the equation to be thinking about now, and this is a good time to become used to doing that. There is nothing about the boyfriend's situation that you can change, or even influence- and getting all wired up over it is not the way to go. What you cannot change, you must learn to tolerate. Not necessarily like, but tolerate. I know 21st birthdays are supposed to be red letter days, but you know there is a birthday coming that will outweigh them all. And that is the day and person to focus on. You are a mom now, dear. Your needs just took a back seat. And to be honest, as important as this birthday feels right now, give it a few years. Birthdays take on less significance as you get some of them under your belt. And I can tell you from experience- that certain little person's original birthday, and first birthday, and all the little firsts that come in between, will far outshine any celebration you have now, or from now on for that matter. Let this go before you go nuts. Focus on the most important thing at hand, which is seeing to the healthy birth of your child. Let go what you can't change.
2007-10-11 17:12:40 · answer #1 · answered by The mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes blessings come in disguise. You might be being spared from a really sucky future with this guy/situation, especially seeing as how a baby is entering into the picture. Maybe your fiancee will be getting the help he needs during this time? And it's a good thing that it's happening now, instead of after the child arrives. Do you have any family or friends who could lend you some support right now? Just somebody to talk to? At least find a way to get out of the house, if you can...You never know what's going on behind the scenes of your life. Somebody told me that once. He said, "never judge your situation on what you see with your eyes, you never know what's really happening and what will come of it." So just have faith that this is happening for a good reason. May your beautiful baby be blessed! You are courageous and already a good mom. About your birthday, who needs drinking? You got the rest of your life for that. Just think of the baby and be thankful you have the concern and responsibility not to drink, for the child's sake. Sacrifice is what parenting is all about so I guess this is the first of many things you have to do. But it's so awesome! You have your whole life ahead of you and there will be better days ahead, for sure. I, for one, wish you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! :) :) :)
2007-10-11 17:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by christie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm sure your baby's father is a good guy but he has made a mistake and needs to handle his business. I went through some struggles too back in the day, jail time DUI etc. It was part of my journey and I had to go through it to be the person I am today. (And I love who I have become!) As do you, as does your fiancee. What we take away from our experiences will determine who we will grow into as adults. Yes, your fiancee going away for three years wouldn't be a very good gift but everything happens exactly as it should and though we may not understand it at the time, we will at some point look back on it and think "Oh, ok, I get it now!" Try to stay in the now because the moment you are in right this second, is perfect.
As for your birthday, treat your self to something nice. A movie, a pedicure, a hike. Write down what you are grateful for: your baby, your fiancee, your car, your house. Keep it REALLY simple. Call your friends and celebrate yourself. That shouldn't be put on hold just because your fiancee might go away. You matter with him there or not! What you are going through is painful, but this too shall pass and you will be ok.
All my best.
2007-10-11 17:18:24 · answer #3 · answered by flygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey maybe i can relate a little im 22 and my baby is almost one. i know that it really sucks ur bf got put in jail. first i think u should consider if he is good enough for u and the baby, only u know the answer to that im not saying hes some terrible guy just because he violated his probation. but he probably will go to jail for a while i dont see y he couldnt have gotten bonded out though. if he doesnt have too bad of a record he will probably be out either before or soon after the baby is born. cas if he gets 3 years he would only pull like 1\3 of the time. ne way i was preg on my 21 birthday too and yeah it sucks that as soon as u can legaly go get drunk u cant but trust me u can make up for it later.do u have any one else u could spend time with tomarrow , i know u would probably rather spend it with ur honey but ur out of luck there so go hang with ur mom even if ur not close now u wont belive how close u can get to ur mom when ur haveing a baby. and its good to close to ur family right now. well i wish u the best of luck and the happiest b day u can have
2007-10-11 17:13:59 · answer #4 · answered by gemini 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. Here's what I would say.................
You have to be strong not only for you but for the baby on the way. At 11 weeks, if you stress out, you could put so much cortisol (a stress hormone) into your system that you miscarry.
If your baby's father violated his parole, that's his stupidity, not yours. You have bigger things to focus on.
Depending on where you are in the world (I will assume USA), there are support programs for pregnant women whose partners are incarcerated or on the way there. I would say hook up with one of them so you can talk out how you are feeling. You should be able to Google some groups near you.
Finally, if you are a 1st time momma, there are many many groups that can help you with everything from diapers, clothes, and everything else you may need.
The most important thing to take away from this is that while you are totally in the right to be upset that you partner may be leaving, you need to focus on eating healthy for you and the baby. By being strong for yourself, you can help him too. This too shall pass and if you 2 really love each other, that love will get all three of you through this.
If you would like to drop me a personal email, I would have no problem talking to you 1-on-1 for as long as you need to.
2007-10-11 17:06:57 · answer #5 · answered by burrell_cn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shocker, compared to what I would normally say about the obvious. Usually, I am mean. I read your question and I decided to apply empathy. So, heres my idea. When you wake up tommorow morning. Call someone close to you. Family member, friend, who ever. Then, bake yourself a cake. Not a sympathy cake, just a cake. Celebrate that you are turning 21. I will drink for you since you cannot. I will raise my beverage. Twenty one is a big deal. You are pregnant. I admire, that you say "no way to booze", since this baby seems to be a big priority for you. Now, my present to you? Close your eyes!!!!!! I send you the strength to keep being strong, I send you the courage to continue to raise a baby even though the father has found himself in a situation. You have such fire and dedication to the ones you love and the one that has not been born yet. Lifes road bumps happen from time to time. Keep on trucking. You will make it work.
2007-10-11 17:15:54 · answer #6 · answered by hbuckmeister 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When we hurt, we hurt and you are allowed to hurt because you are human. It makes no difference the cause of the pain, big or little. You are in a very unhappy place. I am a Christian and I always turn crying to God. But let's see, try to think "this too shall pass" and *I'll tell you, I have 2 grown kids, and my 28 year old daughter spend her 21st babysitting me in a severe depression and my son spend his alone in a small town. this big perception of the 21st b-day is like the Hallmark families, they dont really exist. and like everything else, you can celebrate it later. I have NO FAMILY who associates with me. so when Christmas comes, I tell myself, This is a day for families and I am not in one, and that helps me and I take my dogs and go off and do something else, It really helps instead of suffering,I find anythiing I love to do and I do it. Are you excited about the baby ? can you go shopping and make a wish list for your shower at Walmart or Target or ?????? think of the positive if you can grasp one straw of it and my first suggestion would be to turn to God, not matter what you think of HIm He loves you NO MATTER WHAT and he will give you some peace.
2007-10-11 17:01:52 · answer #7 · answered by I Love Jesus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks that he has the possibility to be sent away. Try to think of the positive. Like that he could get off with soemthing lighter. Im sorry I don't really know what to say except don't be deppresed for your birthday tommarrow cuz maybe something good will happen and youl hear some good news. Sorry i couldnt be more help
2007-10-11 17:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by a.spencer51 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not only he will miss your birthday for the next 3 years, he will miss his and your soon to be child's birthday too. Your fiancee just messed up. I really do feel sorry for you. I hope you have better days.
2007-10-11 17:04:32 · answer #9 · answered by Andres S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that sucks. I feel for you. However, obviously some choices were made by your baby's daddy that got him where he is. He violated his parole, which doesn't say much about him as a person. He should have stuck to the rules by any means necessary, mainly becuase you are pregnant. I know it is hard, and I really feel bad for you.
2007-10-11 16:59:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋