what to do with my atheist fiance?

Question

Help! My fiancee claims to not believe that there is a god. I was raised in a very christian home.although in my adult life i have not lived anything close to a christian life, now that we are getting married i want it to be a blessed union. I have always believed to have a truly happy and successful life and marriage you have to walk a righteous path. i also believe that a husband has the responsibiete to lead his family on the righteous path. So my question is how do I be a good christian wife to an atheist?

Answer 1

Being unequally yoked can present a problem Christian/non-Christian. Where's the line of holiness vs. unholiness drawn... who draws it? You must pray for them to come to the knowledge of Christ. Also, be an example--don't talk Christianity & holiness; LIVE Christianity & holiness. An old expression still holds very true: "Actions speak louder than words." Too often, the only Christ some will see is the Christ in you--therefore as a Christian (Christ-like; Christ-one) we are to be the example of an overcoming Christian lifestyle. You said that you hadn't "lived anything close to a Christian life", now it's time to live that Christian life. Be blessed, pray, and ask God to lead & guide you.

Answer 2

If your fiance, claims not to believe that there is a God, then most probably he does not, or, why would he say so?Do you have reason to doubt his word?If you do then why marry him? When you say you believe to truly have a happy and successful marriage you have to walk a righteous path, this is true but what is your definition of righteous does your fiance have that same difinition of it? does your husband to be have the same ideals as you do, the same goals as you do, does he have the same views as to how to teach your children that come along? If not then your marriage is in trouble already, for if your ideas and views differ then it will be a struggle of wills constantly this is not a good foundation not only for your marriage but also for raising your children. And how can you be a good Christian wife if you are opposing your husband in your beliefs?Will he be fulfilling his responsibilities in your eyes, what about in god's eyes? You have 2 choices, you can marry this man and give up God for this is what he will want or you can refrain from this marriage and stay with God, wether you can see this or not right now one of these choices is what you are making. You need to think about what you want in your marriage now, if you want a good marriage(a happy one) not after you are married when it's too late to think about these things, consider the many marriages that break up all the time because of irreconcileable differences.

Answer 3

Your fiance can be a good role model even though he does not believe in a God? Atheist are quite capable of having morals & ethics. We just do not need a god to tell us something that is common sense. You do not seem to have been a true xian in your life & now you are ready. You think it is fair that you took your own path (not living a xian life, even though you were raised as one), but you do not give your fiance the same? If you truely want to be a believer that is fine, you have your reasons, show him the same respect. Ppl that believe in God think they have moral superiority, which by your own admission(again, "I have not lived anything close to a christian life") is not true.

Have your beliefs & don't force them on him & vice versa, he should not mock you or your religion. Just try & understand eachother & compromise, which you have to do in marriage anyway. I probably wouldn't discuss much about either of your beliefs unless you or him are truely curious or just need an answer, & in that case the curious will ask the question, will not be on the defense, & more willing to listen. I think communication is important, but choose your battles wisely & don't poke the bear LOL. Congrads & good luck!

Answer 4

You should tell your fiancee how you feel. He might be willing to meet you halfway (but if he's an atheist, he's going to stay an atheist -- I mean he might be okay with your religious practices). You should probably also try to respect his beliefs and give him all the space for his beliefs that he wants. If that's not possible, you should both discuss where your relationship is going. Especially if you're planning to raise your children as Christians. Depending on his feelings about religion, this could be a huge source of future turmoil.

So, to sum up, you two should sort this out as thoroughly as possible before you get married.

(I'm an atheist)

Answer 5

Look, if he's a good man worth spending your live with and his behavior and disposition pretty much matches what you consider to be "righteous," why worry?

Words are word, labels are just labels, but actions are what is important. Is he living by the standards you want in a man?

If you want to get married in your/a church, hopefully if you two are a great couple then he will be just fine with that. Plenty of people are.

You are one of the few I have seen that is NOT asking how to change him...which is a good sign that you two are on the same page of respect for differing beliefs. So go, be happy!

Answer 6

Well first you are going to need to make sure that you are really OK with the fact that he is an atheist BEFORE you marry him. You aren't going to be able to change that fact, and if you try it will never work. The thing that worries me is that word "claims." If he says he is an atheist, he is. No one would say that unless they were very sure. People hang on to that agnostic label a long time past when it applies most of the time.

The other thing that has to happen is you need to figure out what is going to happen with kids. This is often a deal stopper and you don't want to figure that out after the fact.

This can work, but you have to both respect the others position and you need to work things out now if they can cause big problems down the road.

Answer 7

You certainly can't have a happy and successful marriage is you and your fiancé can't find common ground about what's important. You two need to talk about what constitutes a "righteous path" and find a meaning you both can live with. And, you both need to be okay with the fact that you're marrying someone whose beliefs are different from yours. If you think he's damned and he thinks you're deluded, or you think you can change him by marrying him, call it off.

Answer 8

You say he CLAIMS not to believe in god? CLAIMS? If you can't bring yourself to trust that this guy is telling you the truth about HIS OWN BELIEFS, why are you marrying him? More to the point, why is HE marrying YOU if you trust and respect him so little?

It's radical, I know, but you could try treating him like a human being. Maybe try loving him for who he is instead of assuming he's somehow less of a person than you for not believing in your imaginary god.

Stop thinking about being a "good christian" or a "good wife" and try your hand at being a good PERSON.

Answer 9

Don't marry him. Your premise is that a husband should 'lead his family on the righteous path', but the man you're going to marry doesn't believe this. You're expecting him to become something that he isn't, and that's not fair to either of you. You say you want a 'blessed union', so why on earth did you decide to get married to a person who doesn't share that view? Do you think you're going to be able to change them? You probably won't. What about when you two have children? Who gets to decide what they're going to learn. I'm willing to bet you'd expect Christian children, but how do you plan on explaining to them why daddy doesn't go to church on Sundays? Alternatvely, do you think it's fair to your future husband to have to force him to 'fake it' in order to keep such questions from arising?

Answer 10

If you can't accept him as he is, maybe you shouldn't marry him. It shouldn't be an option to force him to your God, and you probably want children(how will you raise them spiritually). You need to be accepting of you he is and have a good talk about this BEFORE the marriage.
incidentally- I am an atheist and if I was him and you tried to force your beliefs down my throat, I would not marry you. If you value this relationship- it's just something to think about.