My friends uncle almost raped me when I was 12. Now I have a boyfriend and I can't seem to want to get close to him or have him hold me and I always seem to get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach when he touches me, and not a good feeling. Is it because I am afraid because of what my friends uncle did to me? Can someone please give me some advice?
2007-10-11 15:11:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm sorry about you're friends uncle I hope he was punished for what he did.
Yes I'm sure the incidence is affecting you. When you're bf touches you, you subconsciously flashback to the incident and get that feeling in the pit your stomach. I wouldn't say you're afraid exactly, because you know your bf would never try anything like that (I'm assuming he's a good guy and you trust him) but you can't help but feel uncomfortable because of the tramic experience in your past. Did you get counseling after the event? If not then you should probably talk to someone about it. Even if you feel fine and you don't think you need it, talking about a few bottled up feelings could really help you move on and feel more comfortable about your bf.
If you feel comfortable with talking to your bf about it as well it would probably help. If he understands why you're uncomfortable then he could help to make you feel more comfortable. It's also good for him to know why you might pull away from him now and then, so that there are no misunderstandings adding undue stress to your relationship.
2007-10-11 15:23:38 · answer #1 · answered by huhyftcgbjhu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It most likely has a lot to do with that past event, but probably not entirely. You went through a horrible inccident, which no one should have to go through, and no one can get over something like that within a span of a few years. It is most likely going to affect you for a long time. But just try to realize that not all guys are bad. I'm pretty sure that if you tell your boyfriend what happened or why you don't feel comfortable he'll understand and try to help you feel more comfortable around him. I hope that you don't have to ever go through anything like that again and that you live a wonderful life. I really do pray that I helped you. I wish you the best of luck. Hope I helped you.
2007-10-11 22:26:10 · answer #2 · answered by ais541890 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think it's not going to work, then don't get a boyfriend. I mean, the past is the past and if you chose to have a boyfriend is because you want to feel wanted and want to feel love. He is not your friend's uncle, this is your boyfriend. But like I said if you can't handle having a boyfriend, then why look or have one? Either you do or you don't.
When you live in the past you die a little every day.
2007-10-11 22:18:50 · answer #3 · answered by Esther 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. Yes it will affect your relationships. I didn't own up to anything that happened for years and I finally got into therapy. It helps alot. This is a major thing to go through and you can have a lot of different issues other than physical closeness. I would sugest talking to a theripst and go from there. I also saw that in your bio you said you were boy crazy, that is also a sign of this affecting you.
2007-10-11 22:18:47 · answer #4 · answered by insanityx2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no doubt that your past has a lot ot do with how you feel with your bf...it is a mental scar that will take a lot of work to get close to another person. Therapy or even support groups can help you. Also talk to your bf, and tell him about your past and let him know about tha part of your life and maybe he can help you as well. I am sorry fo what happened to you and I wish you the best of luck.
2007-10-11 22:21:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is because of what your friends uncle did. If you get a radio station that plays Love Line with Dr. Drew you should listen. They have cases similar to yours almost every night! You may also need to seek some counseling on the issue.
2007-10-11 22:16:14 · answer #6 · answered by Blond Bomb 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is a nightmare and it haunts you til now , itz normal to feel that way , just give it sometime , and your BF should understand you, and comfort you that he will protect you, and show you some respect.
Until you do finally feel safe and protected by your BF, you'll be fine.
2007-10-11 22:19:05 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Yes, being raped or abused can cause intimacy issues. But these can be worked through. I recommend you consider therapy. You can ask about it at your school or doctor's office.
2007-10-11 22:16:03 · answer #8 · answered by quirkyfunnyone 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
absolutely it could affect you. people who are maybe molested at a young age have problems even later in life when they are married to someone the love. try to find help now.
2007-10-11 22:18:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋