For the past month I've been staying at home, enduring my mother's anger at my not going to church twice a week (her -cult- meets twice a week). I am twenty years old (and was born into the church) and have my own beliefs, and they are nowhere near compatible with her church. My older brother and father endure church because my mom has a bad temper about it, but I'm sick of it. I feel like I can't say anything because I have a feeling she'll kick me out. I'm sure that if I tell her I'm in a relationship with another girl, it'll be the same thing.
How the hell can I get past this? I'm so tired of either being miserable twice a week or being yelled at twice a week. Do I just have to endure it until I can afford to move out/finish school? Was/is anyone else in this same situation?
p.s. she's the type of mom you can't have nice, mature talks with. Unfortunately.
2007-10-11 14:50:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have been in a very similar situation. The only real answer is that you have to move out. You might think that you cant, but get a job and move out. You really have too, as long as you live with her she thinks she has a right to tell you what to do. I actually kind of agree with the idea that as long as you live with her you have to do what she wants, although when I was going through the situation I didn't feel that way. But you will never have peace in her house, so you need to move out.
Once you are on your own she isn't paying your bills or feeding you and then you don't owe her anything. It may seem like you can't afford to move out but it is something you just have to do. When I moved out I had absolutely nothing but I got a job, then an apartment and some room ates and everything worked out great. It actually made it so that I could eventually get along well with my parents.
I think that if you stay with your parents you are eventually going to end up absolutely hating them, then you will move out and risk never talking to them again. The best thing to do is get out and not let them interfere with you life anymore.
2007-10-11 15:57:21 · answer #1 · answered by Time to live 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you said that you have your own beliefs and that they aren't compatible with her church. Maybe you could find a meeting or church that is compatible with your beliefs and just do your own thing. Maybe she'll get off of your back if you're just going somewhere and if you do find your own church or support group or whatever, then maybe you'll find some support on the best way to handle the other issues you mentioned.
2007-10-11 21:57:27 · answer #2 · answered by yadayadayada 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What's important that you have your own belief and you practice it whatever religion it is. Since your mom was hard to relate with you have to sacrifice either you follow her just for the sake for her preventing you to go the church most of the time or your willing to be kicked out or better moved on your own so that she won't mendle your life. At your age your starting to be a real adult one so before she kicks you out you better moved out and follow your set of rules and beliefs in life. Through that you can prove to her that even you don't go to church regularly your still living a happy and peaceful life.
2007-10-11 22:22:13 · answer #3 · answered by ☺ĦЄŖ§ĦЄ¥☺ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just stick it out until you are completely in-dependant and can afford to move.
What is making your mother worse, is what the other people at the church will say if you
are not there..
You will just have put a smile on your face and grin and bare it for the present. That will build your character and make you stronger
for when the time comes.
2007-10-11 22:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm only 16, but I will do my best to try and help. I think that even though its family it doesn't mean there has to be an abundace of love between you. I think that if you are really that miserable you should think about getting out on your own, and you don't even have to tell her why, you could just same, "It's time I started my own life." Anyway that was probably no help, but good luck, and remember this is your life and you should be happy to live it.
2007-10-11 21:56:21 · answer #5 · answered by scooterkrauss 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Then move out. You want your own rules, get your own roof. Otherwise you need to follow her rules. Sitting through church doesn't mean you have to believe what they are preaching. Your mother is enforcing this because she believes it is the best thing for you. Take a notebook and draw or write during church and deal with it, or move out and deal with that.
2007-10-11 22:05:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ill tell you what you should do.Get a Job and move out.Youre 20 years old whats your excuse?Be an adult.They cant control you if theyre not paying your bills.Shes treating you like that because youre still living at home.Tell her you have a GF and that shes just going to have to deal with you being a lesbian or Bi.And if she loves you shes going to have to learn to accept it.Im not trying to sound harsh but sometimes truth hurts.
2007-10-11 22:32:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes i was in the exact same situation - not only was i born into that cult but my parents and grandparents were too
and i was more than shouted at but i really couldn't stick going and was too young to move out (and where would i go anyways?) and had to put up with threats and violence and the rest (and the social services didn't want to know because we had a 'nice' house!!! believe THAT if you will!)
i think being 20 - if you are working then why not find your own flat/apartment and move out if you had had enough?
2007-10-11 22:12:00 · answer #8 · answered by Aslan 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't wanna go to church leave it is her house so if she feels that you need to go to church to continue staying there then she has every right to kick you out. If you disagree with your mom that much you should want to leave you are twenty years old so don't act like it would be some sort of crime if she did kick you out.
2007-10-11 21:59:37 · answer #9 · answered by nobody 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You moms cult is not very Christian or she would listen to you.... She has to understand you are old enough to understand life and if your religion is different than hers then that's life. Your brother and dad are wussies and believe me them going to her church I bet they cant wait to get out of there... You on the other hand are going to have to work this out... Is your girl friend with her parents too? Does she work? Do you work? Is this a good relationship? If yes to all, then maybe its time to say bye bye to mommy and find a nice apartment.... Good luck... Grant M in Pennsylvania
2007-10-11 22:30:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋