My husband and I have been married for almost 4 months, but have been together for almost 7 and a half years. I've wanted to have children for as long as I can remember and before we got married, we discussed the issue and my husband said he wanted to wait a couple of years after we married. Now that we're married though, my motherly instincts have kicked into overdrive and it's all that I think about. I love my husband dearly and don't look at having a child as a negative at all. My husband, however, looks at it as the end of our lives as we know it. Whereas I look at it as being able to share our lives with our child, he sees it completely different.
My question is more of a desire for your opinion. How soon is too soon to have children? I understand that it's a case by case deal, but I'm soooo ready and he's soooo not! What can I do in the meantime to busy myself until he's finally ready for parenthood?
2007-10-11 10:20:04 · 9 answers · asked by Materhead 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Even though you were together for 7 years, marriage is very different. The first 2 years are the hardest. I was with my husband for 3 years before we got married and things changed a lot.
Give it 2 years and then have children. You really need that time together as husband and wife before being mommy and daddy.
As for the mommy instincts, maybe you should consider being a nanny for the next 2 years. For me, being a nanny really prepared me for my life now as a stay at home mom. It will also ease your desire to get pregnant for now.
Best wishes!!!
2007-10-11 10:30:56 · answer #1 · answered by MommaLissa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are both happy and have settled, you should give it some time. Enjoy being married and then think about extending your family!
You need a little time in a marriage to settle down and get to know your husband as a husband. Try and spend more time together and get to know your partner. I have been married for 6 months and we are still settling down! But 2 years is a good time after you get married. Remember, when you are in the first years of marriage you are still having fun!!!!But, you should also put what he wants into account. Good Luck*
2007-10-11 10:32:58 · answer #2 · answered by tara*A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's to soon for him then its to soon! If you have a child just because one person wants it, it will make the other miserable. Well not miserable cause it's his child, but you know what I mean. Give yourself time, don't rush him into this. Be happy being able to go out and not worry about a sitter or is its child friendly. Don't worry about childcare for a while, and enjoy your sleep until you are both ready. Only then will you both be truly happy. You don't want to rush into having kids especially if he isn't ready, it may not seem like it now, but kids are stressful on a marriage, even the best are put to the test, and if you throw in the idea of one not wanting kids yet, it's worse! Trust me I know about kids, I have two and one on the way, but me and my husband waited five years before having them until we were both ready and it made it even more special! Good luck to you!
2007-10-11 10:29:01 · answer #3 · answered by TootsieGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
me n my husband dated for 6 yrs b4 we got married. after 4 moths of our marriage we decided to have a child. i never imagined that i'd get pregnant immediately. i had read articles where the ladies had written that normally it takes 6 months-1yr to get pregnant. so we decided to atleast start trying so that after a couple of months i can get pregnant.but in my case i conceived the very 2nd month. i am now 20 weeks pregnant n at times i do feel that after marriage i should have waited for a couple of months more b4 getting pregnant as i could have atleast enjoyed my newly married days.b4 i used to go to the bars/pubs for a drink or two woth my husband but since i got pregnant----no alcohol n that sucks at times. but i know that once the baby comes everything will change for the better. u can still enjoy ur good ole life. there are always nanny's to look after ur baby. i have a friend who is now 25yrs old, had 2 kids n parties every fri/sat nights with her husband. she keeps her babies with the caretakers.
i think one should get pregnant when both the parents are ready for it n not just one. pregnancy becomes much more fun at that time.
2007-10-11 10:30:07 · answer #4 · answered by Nalzzz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for me that would have been way too soon. my husband and i have been married for almost 6 years and we are just now getting around to talking about it. i am more like your husband, mine LOOOVES kids, they are always drawn to him and i am less of a "kid" person. on the other hand my parents got pregnant with me 4 months after they got married, they decided immediately after they got married that they wanted a kid and they are still married 27 years later. but i really do think that if you are not both in agreement it could cause marital strife.
and you have to think of it like this... once you have kids they are ALWAYS there. right now it is just the two of you and you should savor that. plus, even tho you have been together for so long marriage is still so different than just dating. i am always in favor of waiting rather than jumping in full force.
when i got married i honestly thought we would have a kid after 2 years. when that 2 year mark came around i decided three sounded better to me. at three years i thought five would be a better bet and at four i decided we'd have kids after being married for 7 years but this past year we have really been talking more seriously about kids... we probably won't wait til 7 years but i have no regrets at all about waiting, also i am still young. age is definitely a factor. if you are 35 you should have kids sooner than later.
2007-10-11 10:45:23 · answer #5 · answered by somebody's a mom!! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I had only been married for 5months when i fell pregnant with our son who is due in a few weeks time and we had only been dating from May 06, My hubby said to me he wouldnt mind if i fell pregnant so early on in our marriage but he wouldnt mind waiting alil longer so he could enjoy "US Time" Plus my hubby has said to me that he did want a baby only the one mind you, the basis for my falling pregnant so early on in our marriage is because my hubby is in Iraq and i wanted a child incase he didnt come home so i would have a piece of him and not photos and memories, So i asked him if we could start trying, the look on his face was priceless he was like i thought we was trying lol not like we was been cautious.
So no its not too soon for you to consider having a baby with your hubby. Men are never really ready for children but once you announce it they seem to come around alittle more after seeing the first scan and it finally sinks in. My hubby is now getting more excited about the arrival of our son.
If you really want a baby then go off your birth control and get pregnant your husband will just have to lump it and like it, he maybe upset at first and feel cheated but he won't hate you for it or if you dont want to go behind his back then sit down with him and agree on a starting date and really enforce the point that as you age so does your eggs and and the effects pregnancy can have on you.
Goodluck
2007-10-13 19:18:38 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the only ones who can decide that.
My husband and I were ready to start our family right away...our first was born 10 mos after we got married.
Others wait longer. What's right, timing wise, is what's right for you.
Having children can be the 'end of your lives as you know it' in some ways...your priorities change. That doesn't have to be a bad thing. :)
Good luck in your decision.
2007-10-11 10:28:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My personal opinion is to wait about 2 yrs. Read all you can about taking care of them and raising them. They are alot of work. They do grow up, they go from babies, then toddlers, then preteens, then teenagers. I would say your first 10 years is physical work then after that it is emotional. I know I have a 20yr. old and a 18yr. It will change your life in more ways than you know it. I would not change anything about having my kids. Just know how much work it will be and time and effort it is going to take on both of your parts.
2007-10-15 10:18:50 · answer #8 · answered by Linn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
same here before we got married we want to have kids so long! so after we got married a next the month i was pregnancy, the only thing if you are ready or not. if you are then go for it there no say you are wrong or right.
2007-10-11 11:04:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋