We have been engaged for a while and we have talked about raising a family once we get financially stable and all but i have been having 2nd thoughts and i think that i hurt him last night.......was that selfish of me?
2007-10-11 09:51:31 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
No. What's wrong is going ahead with a wedding you are not sure you want. Do you REALLY want to add to the growing divorce rate? If more couples were actually smart like you and talked out their issues *before* tying the knot, marriage would still be a sacred thing. Couples nowadays are willing to have sex with each other, but are afraid to speak their mind to their partner. What gives?
First of all, make sure you are not simply having cold feet and freaking out before the wedding. Most brides do this. Marriage is a HUGE deal, and a lifelong commitment (if you take it seriously). It's normal to have some questions and even doubts. The key is to talk it over with your partner. If he is the right guy for you, he will guide you through it.
BUT, if you have changed, or you have seen things that make you think he is not the one for you, then you need to do the right thing and break it off, no matter what. He will be hurt if you guys get a divorce too. Spare him that pain.
Lastly, get some pre-martial counselling before you make any rash decisions. Catholic marriages *require* this even before the church agrees to marry them. In my opinion, it should be mandatory for anyone thinking of taking a walk down the aisle. But maybe that's just me.
It wasn't selfish, what's selfish is NOT telling your partner how you really feel. But you do need to do some soul-searching.
2007-10-11 10:09:26 · answer #1 · answered by reginachick22 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about him being hurt but he would be hurt far worse if you were to marry him and then tell him this. This is exactly what the engagement period is for, you get to know your future mate better and you two begin to plan for the future you intend to share. If both people are not on the same page about something as important as children it is far better for it to come out before the wedding, it is better to call the whole thing off if there is some doubt or question that needs addressing first. Better a called off wedding than a date in divorce court.
2007-10-11 19:23:53 · answer #2 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better to be up front sooner than later. If he wants to get married and have kids and you don't give the ring back. Let him have a chance at the life he really wants.
It might hurt now - but living a life full of regret would be much harder.
Good luck - what ever you decide - just stay honest with each other.
2007-10-11 17:12:34 · answer #3 · answered by Amis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By all means, communicate with him now. Don't get married if you have any doubts about whether you want to be married. The only thing I would add would be a suggestion to see a relationship counselor. That person may be able to help you figure out whether your second thoughts are real problems or whether you're just having cold feet.
Wish you all the best.
2007-10-11 17:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by SE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not at all. it may hurt a little now but it is much better than living in a bad marriage and messing up your lives and the lives of children. it's better to call it off now that to be in divorce court in a few years and fighting over the children and everything else or even one of you becoming a single parent. you absolutely made the right decision. marriage is so serious and if you have any doubts, you should not do it.
2007-10-11 16:58:52 · answer #5 · answered by williamsbills@verizon.net 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No it wasnt selfish of u better now then when u get preggo and decide u dont want kids, he will be hurt for awhile but either he will accept your decision or he could end the engagement, but either way u made the right decision ...
2007-10-11 18:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by THE UK WILDCAT FAMILY 10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want what you want. Even if you did hurt him, that's the bad thing about life-sometimes we do end up hurting people even when we don't want to and it's necessary. You need to do some soul searching. If you just don't want kids and marriage, it's not right for you to lead him on that you do. He deserves the chance to be a father if that's what he wants.
2007-10-11 18:40:13 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Better to figure out what you both want instead of years down the road, or months into the marriage.
I've always said marriage and funerals bring out the best and worst in people-choose wisely.
2007-10-11 21:46:27 · answer #8 · answered by MissB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, it is not wrong to tell him now, in fact you should definately tell him now. It would be so wrong to go through with it if its not what you want. Trust me, 2 kids, 13 years later and now divorcing, just take some time and think it through. you will both be happier in the end for it. Good luck.
2007-10-11 17:01:57 · answer #9 · answered by dollfins1975 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
far better to break an engagement than to marry the wrong person and break the marriage up.
2007-10-12 07:04:49 · answer #10 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋