Does anyone have any helpful hints for dealing with a hostile coworker?

Question

I used to work with this woman, and she was incredibly rude... for no apparent reason, she just stopped speaking to me. She even went so far as to use a different desk from her own one, so as not to have to look at me.

And no, I was not imagining her hostility directed personally towards me. She was incredibly nice to our coworkers.

For awhile her hostility was so terrible that I was literally shaking every time I had to go to her desk to ask her something... quite often, she would snap at me for disturbing her. Though sometimes she would just plain purposefully ignore me and continue listening to her headphones. This behavior went on for months.

She left a few months ago, but my boss just told me today that she may be coming back. I will continue to be as polite to her as I can be, when I have to deal with her. But I doubt some people can change though, and I dread working with her again.

Does anybody have any horror stories of their own? How did you deal with it?

Look, it's not that I couldn't stand up for myself. I've tried to kill her with kindness, I've tried to make peace with her, I've tried to let her tell her side so I could understand what her problem with me was.

I suppose this would be a good excuse to start looking for a job closer to home though... but I don't like the thought of leaving a job (especially one I've been at for 5+ years) simply because I can't get along with someone in the office.

Answer 1

Funny enough my Co-worker story has a pretty good ending... I was trained by a woman with a very similar (grouchy)personality. She was rude and short with most people... I really dont think I was singled out. ( I dont think that you are either) She ended up leaving our office, partially due to my "lack of respect for authority" and "lax-ed behavior with the clients". I can say honestly that I learned a lot from her. I pursued my education with Insurance and have been successful in my field. She came into my office the other day to turn in a resume. Im thinking about hiring her for the position. : ) Sometimes people treat you the way that you let them treat you. I felt (back then) that she was rude, and it really hurt my feelings. Turns out it was just her poor people skills. Trust me she wont go far with that. Keep your head up and be confident in the way you address her and her problem. Good luck

Answer 2

I can tell you a couple:

I remember when I started my first job which i worked at for four years, I was 16 and the boy who trained me was around 18, 19 years of age. He was extremely cocky, he kind of expected me to know everything and when this lady started arguing with me (mind you, on my first day) over the price of something, he stood there with a smug look on his face and didn't even help me. Eventually he left but he was very unpleasant in that four month time span I had to deal with him.

I also had a female manager who was extremely nasty to me and would speak in spanish to one of my other co-workers about everybody (little did she know I also speak spanish). She hated me for absolutely no reason because I made a lot of mistakes on the register (I was new and nobody would bother to help me, the managers would just sit in the office and stuff their face and B.S. about people). So she often snapped at me and treated me like crap. That was for about a year or so working there.

After four years of working there, about a couple months ago I got this new assistant manager in. Most of the managers at the place nowadays are down to earth and don't see themselves as better than anybody else (its Rite Aid for crying out loud not a corporation executive office building). However, this new assistant manager (he still works there) is a young, very cocky, very arrogant guy; he only talks to certain people and deliberately ignores others (including me) because he feels he is better than everybody else. He'll literally look at me dead in the face and not say a word while he'll say something to everybody else (and mind you I too showed this guy as well as the other clowns I mentioned respect). He literally sucks up and whines to the store manager (my ex-boss) and feels he doesn't do anything wrong and he is perfect. In reality though its just hilarious to look at him because he acts as if he has a high corporate power job or something in a rather lowly place.

Fortunately, I left the place I work at for personal reasons. A combination of the area (central NJ), the customers (the most miserable people around), and a couple rude a**h*les at the place made me leave. What a waste for four years......if I could do it over again I wouldn't. I'm so happy i left now though and i got a new job :-)

Answer 3

I deal with hostile people all the time. Its better just to make space. Sometimes you can ask around and find out what the persons interests are. If you can find common ground then start a discussion on a positive topic (say they like gardening just let the person go on and on after you ask them a great gardening question). Humans love to talk about the things they are interested in and if you act interested you can turn the tide.

Answer 4

THE FIRST THING IS TO THINK IM GOING TO GET HER FIRED AS LONG AS I'M HERE. THEN BE POLITE SOMETIMES DEPENDING IF SHE DONT TALK TO U. NO DO NOT BE POILITE BE RUDE a j@ck @$$ TREAT HER THE WAY SHE TREATED U. AND THAT WILL SHAKE HER UP SHE WONT KNOW WHAT HIT HER. THEN SHE'LL GET FIRED CAUSE SHE'S TOO TROUWN OFF AND WONT KNOW HOW TO REPOND. I KNOW THIS CAUSE I HAD THIS fu(K *** MANAGER WHO WAS A DICK TO EVRRY ONE. I WORK AT A CONVINECE STORE SO IM NOT ALLOWED TO TENDER ALCHOL CAUSE IM 17 SO I NEEDED AN OVERRIGHT FROM THE MANAGER. AND SO HE WOULD TELL ME DON'T SELL ALCHOL CASE EVRY TIME I DID HE WOULD COME AND TO THE FRONT AND HE WOULD NOT LIKE THAT. SO THEN ONE SUNDAY NIGHT HE THERE WAS A LONG *** LINE SO I HAE TO HELP PEOPLE BUT I DID NOT NOTICE THIS LADY HAD ALCHOL AND HE SAID DIDNT I TELL U NOT TO SELL ALCHOL IN THIS RUDE DEGRATING TONE. I AGRESSIVLY REPONDED WELL WHAT DI U WANT ME TO DO KEEP THE CUSTOMER WAITING? JUST CAUSE U TAKE FOR EVER TO COME TO THE FRONT? HE DIDN'T SAY A WORD CAUSE I WAS RIGHT AND THIS LINE OF 8 CUSTOMERS WAS THERE. THEN LATER THAT NIGHT THIS UNDERCOVER COP CAME AND BOUGHT ALCHOL WITH THIS BLACK LADY THAT GET ON MY NERVES. THE ID DID NOT GO THROUGHAND THE MANAGER CAME AND OVERRIGHT IT AND THEN 5 MIN LATER COPS COME GIVE THEM BOTH A TICKET. MANAGER GETS FIRED AND THATS IT. BUT MY POINT IS THATS HOW BAD HE WAS TROUWN OFF AND HOW ANGER TOOK OVER HIS RATIONALIZATION

Answer 5

No cure for this situation, which I have seen for myself and even tried to fix (once without success, once with success). You should speak in private to your manager, whichever one you get on best with, after lunch one day - people are in a better mood after lunch. Explain without emotion how bad the scenario was and ask if you can work either in another office or in another area of the office when the woman returns, to spare yourself the stress. A manager will agree to this.

Answer 6

If she comes back, you have to face her head-on and clear the air. I suggest that as soon as she comes back, you go over and welcome her as if nothing had happened. If she again acts hostile, I would ask her right out if there is something that you have done to make her mad. Tell you you would like to get along. If that does not work, you need to go to your boss and explain the situation and ask that someone mediate the dispute so as to avoid problems with having to work together.

Answer 7

You need to deal with this. Find out what the problem is and verbally address it then ignore her weird behavior and move on. I would ask the boss first outright what her problem was and see if I got a response.

Answer 8

Well, for some reason, this woman doesn't like you, but regardless of her feelings, there is no reason in the world why she should treat you like that. Have you told your boss or any of the other coworkers about it? At any rate, let it be known that no matter how she may feel about you, you WILL NOT take any abuse from her. Good luck!:)

Answer 9

Girl, I have a few. I used to work at this law firm as a file clerk. The attorneys working for the firm consist of mostly women. Everyday was like hell working there. I never witnessed such childish and immature people in my life. All I heard everyday was gossiping about other employees. One attorney, especially had it out for me. One day she pulled me in her office and asked me if I liked her. I was like "are you kidding me?". Who does that? Are so insecure that you had to ask me if I liked you are not. LOL! Any who, I hated working there, and I finally couldn't handle the female drama and I quit.

Answer 10

I've had some terrible experiences a bit like yours. Ultimately all you can do is be professional and rise above the petty stuff. Tell yourself it really doesn't matter. You do your job you go home and you get paid.