Mixed feelings (adults only please)?

Question

I've been single for 6 months, and now I feel like I want to be in a relationship again. The thing is that when I think about dating and everything it involves (you know, meeting women, asking them out, if it doesn't work then starting over....... and all the drama that goes everytime wondering, does she like me or not?, Does she want to be friends only? Should I call her? why doesn't she call me? why did she say/do this and that etc, etc etc, ) I'm just not feeling it. Don't get me wrong, I know that's the normal process, but I'm just not in the mood for it right now. Girls are lucky because they just have to wait for the man to do everything. Sometimes I wish I could wake up one day and have a gf without having to go through all that, but obviously that's not going to happen. Do you think I should stay single and wait a little more or just go for it and give it a try?

Answer 1

it's obvious that you are not ready to start dating again. Perhaps you should ask yourself why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it for friendship or intimacy? You really should keep intimacy out of it until you are truly ready for all that it entails, both positive and negative.... Don't feel that you have to rush into any relationship. You should take your time until you know exactly what type of relationship you want, what's the rush?

Answer 2

Stop. Think. Plan. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. So, don't be insane. Don't let your lonliness drive you into something you are not ready for. This calls for list-making.
Make a list of the pluses and minuses of your last relationship. Put everything on the list, everything! Did you like her laugh, did you like her family, did you like the way she laughs, did you like the same movies, music, tv shows. Did you both like to do the same things? Read, hike, play basketball, volunteer at the homeless shelter? Once you have your list of pluses and minuses, cirle the three pluses you think you MUST have in the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Now circle the three minuses that you don't think you can or want to put up with.
Now you have a game plan for finding the right person. You would never go buy a house, car, even a shirt without an idea of what you want. Don't look for a life partner without a really good idea of what you want. Then you won't be as likely to settle for something less because you are tired of being alone.

It is way way better to be happy alone than to be miserable with somebody else.

Answer 3

This will sound odd and I hope you forgive me if you "hate" gays or whatever. but---there are two groups who tend to be quite open to our varied physical selves---be it race or creed or whatever. One is formally "religious" folks. they get the pep talk every week or so, about what Jesus did, or would do. I short, they do their best to live up to an impossible ideal, and god love-em for it, this beats having no ideal at all, as comforts some who dismiss them as hypocrites. The other----and here is where I don't want to assume your values or prejudices---is that in the "Gay Community"---you will find people who have been hated historically for something so intrinsic and deeply wounding---that they tend to live and let live as few other communities do. As well, we have (or at least had, during the 1970-90s---a "policital consciousness) which, while not always pleasant to be a part off---has more or less rubbed off the "rough edges" All people need other people. and I don't think gays are any better than any other subgroup in many ways. We too can bully and shun. What I do suggest is that, especially if you are NOT gay---this is a nice group of folks who will accept you for what you are mentally and emotionally and morally. I am sorry you were bullied. However, I have never met a person I liked as a friend who was not bullied. Either all the "Queen Bees" have been lifted away by aliens---or---more likely---all children and childhoods contain elements of cruelty and rejection that we hold inside ourselves like the sand in the oyster which promotes the pearl of compassion. You are only 19. Start being a rebel. And thank your Mom. Get mad. Get busy. Change the world.

Answer 4

I know how you feel pal...I've been single for two years (not even a date, not even a 'hook-up', not even a hug).

I really think it's unfair that the guy has to do all the work, take the initiative. I agree...why can't girls step up to the plate and try that? Why is it always supposed to be out job?

Relationships are nothing but drama, so get used to that.
Personally, I'd stay single - most relationships and marriages always seem to go sour, so why would you want that?

Answer 5

my advice is to go with the flow and stop looking and let it take you by surprise, i use to worry about being single but i have then made wrong decisions to be in a relationship so you need to think like you got nothing to lose and there is nothing wrong with the way you are and the way you think. i have been single a year at present but it does not bother me and im 33 and still not settled.. ok its not the norm but then im not a normal guy so i dont let it worry me. in my work i meet different people every day and have made good friends along the way and believe me mate there are alot of women that think the same as you do and i do.. i believe that someone will come along and it will just feel right... then and only then will i be prepared to go into a relationship.. so to surmise.. dont force the issue sit back and chill for the feeling to be just right and completely mutual

Answer 6

Your right starting a relationship is not an easy thing. It comes with alot.

It's normal for you to feel lonely.. That's what happens when your with a person for so long you get used to being with a person and having someone there.
But taking time for yourself having fun its good.

don't try to start something with someone.. I mean regardless if you only want to have fun with a girl it takes the effort.. so either way your going to have to make some type of effort.

either serious or just for fun. So you decide do you want to make SOME effort and then move on to the next or if your not feeling it end it.. OR since your going through some effort might as well try to make something serious out of it.

If you stay single is taking time for yourself, Getting into an activity you like, A hobby.. Because like I mentioned before just wanting to get to know a girl or just wanting to mess around requires some effort..

So if you truly DON"T want to do not even a little effort stay single but dedicating all time to yourself and your family and hanging out with friends and if something comes around then it come.. But Don't stress it since you don't want to go through the whole process..lol

Answer 7

I think we've all had these thoughts - the boys, for sure, and I suspect the girls also. In any case, as long as it's just YOU WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, you're not ready.

Step back and mellow out. Get involved in some things you really like, be it watching movies or racing camels. Somewhere along the way, you'll just naturally collide with someone has similar interests...or has a friend with similar interests and nature will take its course. Have fun!

Answer 8

I'm not sure you are really wanting a relationship, because ya, all that crap is involved... I know exactly where you are coming from... I wanted to start dating again (some months ago) and felt the same way, ended up with a boyfriend but wasn't sure if I was feeling one yet.... turns out I was ready to date, just not the "relationship/emotional" part that went with it... Maybe you just want to get laid? A lot less is involved, and you would know right away if the person liked you right? Idk, give it a try, it's not like you can't change your mind later on...

Answer 9

Trust me men aren't the only ones with all those feelings. We sit and over analyze everything too. If your not feeling the dating scene yet, take some time for yourself. You'll be glad you did in the long run. When you feel lonely go hang out with friends or find a constructive hobby, or even exercise. Being single isn't the worst thing in the world, in fact it's quite liberating.

Answer 10

Your problem is that you feel incomplete, and you feel (mistakenly) that a girlfriend will give you a feeling of being whole. The truth is that a girlfriend distracts you from your feelings and then when the relationship "runs it's course" you are left starting over and frustrated again.

You need to stay single, quit trying so hard, and feel like a complete person without a girlfriend.

Once you are complete without the need for a girlfriend, a woman will see that and want to be a part of it. At that point you can objectively see if she is compatible or not.