What can I do when I am a stepmom to 3 children whose mom never will see them and refuses take care of them?

Question

I do love them I feel sorry for them I have been there for them and tried to help but they seem so upset, she makes me so angry I just wish there was some way to make her care. I do take care of them everyday and try to provide them with the love of a mother with out taking her place.

Answer 1

I think you should have answered this question before you became their stepmom. No matter how much you love dad you should have thought about the kids first, so should have dad.

Answer 2

You did not say how long it has been that you have been their step mom and of course this does tend to take time to get better.
I will say that a step mom can never really replace a real mother, but she can come very close to it. These children feel a loss, just like losing a loved one and feel unloved and unwanted by their real mother since she does not see them.. All you can do is tell them you cannot replace their mother but you can help be there for them and help them all you can. Tell them you really do care about them and that they are not alone and that you will be there for them. Tell them that you love their father very much and that they are part of him too and that loving him also means loving his children since they are part of him.
It will take time. Your husband should help you all he can too because it is much more difficult for you to discipline them when they feel you should not be their boss. If you are having problems with this then you inform them that you are responsible for them whether they like it or not and they will do as you say because you are the adult and they are the child.

Answer 3

I have a question for you...Are you asking this because you love the children and want to see them happy or are you asking this because you don't want the responsibility for them and you are frustrated? Neither makes you a bad person, I will come back and answer this, if you will answer my question.
"ADDITIONAL DETAILS" When My husband and I first got together, we tried to force my ex to be in his children's lives. Finally after so much heartache on their part, we decided to sit back and do nothing. He got pretty far behind in child support, about 6 months or so. We didn't call and instigate visitation or anything. Then we came down on him all at once, with the bill for back child support and threats to take him to court for that as well as the fact he was not living up to his part of the custody agreement. In return for not going after any of the above, he signed over his parental rights, he never cared anyway, and my husband immediately adopted them. It took about 2 months from the time he signed over his rights, until they had my husband last name. If you are interested this might make their lives better, it certainly has helped my children be so very happy.

Answer 4

I don't know how old the kids are, but it sounds like you are doing the best thing you can...loving the kids, caring for them and being a great "mom".

You can't change their biological mom, she is who she is and it is up to her to change or want to change.

Be the best person you can to these kids, they will come to love you and understand that you have always been there for them, that you care about them and they will respect you for that and love you in return.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Just be a positive female role model for them. Don't ever speak badly about their mom in their presence. If the subject ever comes up, assure them that their mom does love them very much. Good luck!

Answer 6

Your in an damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. I was in one myself and no matter what you do, it will never be right. I tried to be a "friend"....wrong. I tried to be a "Mom".....wrong. I tried to beg, plead, fight, argue, threatened, love unconditionally....wrong. Being a step-mom sucks all the way around. You might be one of the lucky ones and find a way to interact with your stepchildren, but unless you are blessed with high negotiating skills, your doomed. I hate being a stepmother and don't recommend it to anyone without first acquiring a suit of amour.

Answer 7

Help them learn how to find happiness in their lives as they are, with the people who love them all doing the best they can, including their mom. They don't have to feel sad about what they're not getting from her. They don't have to feel angry. You have the choice to teach them to simply accept her for who she is and to look around at the people who *are* active in their lives, no matter what 'title' they hold & appreciating them for who they are and what they do.

You & her father get to choose to teach them how to deal with their reality, how to look at it, what attitude to have. You can choose to teach them to look at how horrible their lives are & wallow in that. Or, you can choose to teach them to see how lucky & loved they are & wish the best for their mother, thanking her for the simple fact that she gave them life, even if she doesn't have the skills, life experience to give them anything more.

Answer 8

over time maybe it wll subside and they will think of you more like mom and only have her in the memories.
she may be unable to be a good mom right now and since you can to them you need to treat them like a real mom
i am in the same situation with 2 stepgirls and even though we have rough days sometimes i just continue to treat them like my own and tell them i love them and show them that i care
good luck to you

Answer 9

Demonstrate an example of a real mother

Answer 10

Don't force it they will soon realize what's going on.Their just to young to know right know.Just keep the the best you can to help them get through this rough time.Good Luck!