How involved is the mother of the groom in the typical wedding planning process? Are there "traditional" things I should be asking her to do?
My FMIL drives me out of my tree, but I don't want to make her feel left out. Is it normal for the bride and her mom to do most of the stuff? Just for reference, she lives across the country.
2007-10-11 08:28:25 · 11 answers · asked by eli_star 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just as a note - she's functionally already my MIL since my fiance and I have been together 5 years and have two children (one due in December).
We are having a destination wedding, which means most of the details (food, cake, location) are taken care of by the resort. I don't have attendants, so it's even simpler.
Because I can barely stand to talk to her, I haven't been gushing over dress styles or centerpiece ideas with her. I just want to make sure there isn't some traditional MIL role that I'm overlooking.
2007-10-11 08:46:46 · update #1
My mom (who is also my wedding planner), my HTB and I are the ones planning the wedding. Others are entitled to their opinion, but at the end of the day.....
I'd let her feel involved, but if you don't get along then don't cause unnecessary stress. Let her lend a hand, but don't let her dictate (ok, ok, I'm speaking of my own personal experience here, sorry LOL).
Good luck :)
2007-10-11 08:33:22 · answer #1 · answered by kiki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my suggestion is to have a family 'meeting' about the wedding, involve parents and bridesmaids. During this meeting you can discuss all the plans you have for the wedding. Talk about your plans for the day and everything that you have already organised. If you still have to organise a few things discuss this during the 'meeting' and ask if anyone wanted to give you hand (things like, Making/sending Invitations, looking after gifts, contacting the florist/reception hall or car hire to make sure everything is going as planned) I think it's a good way to stay in control while your still making your loved ones feel special and involved. best of luck how to deal with it: Take a few deep breathes and smile!
2016-05-21 22:39:08 · answer #2 · answered by brook 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The groom or his family traditionally handle the flowers and the rehearsal dinner. Now a days though the families tend to work more together on things especially if they are both contributing financially. Since they are out of town she will probably not get overly involved but it is certainly considerate of you to keep her up to date on what is going on and what has been planned. You should listen to her concerns and suggestions and then do what you think is best. Remember you will be dealing with this person for a long time so you really want to get off on the best foot.
2007-10-11 08:38:50 · answer #3 · answered by Diane M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't meet my MIL or SIL until the day before we got married. I thought she was OK at the time. now she's become someone i don't want or like to be around to often. her demands are not making us comfortable. I would say to make peace,only ask for her help or opinion when it's REALLY necessary. TG my mil and sil live in the midwest and we live faaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr away.
2007-10-11 09:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by navywife_2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding and you should ultimately plan it the way you and your Fiance want it. Just don't be Bridezilla. Even if you don't take her suggestions, make sure you are respectful of her feelings and appreciate the fact that she wants to help. If she is excited that you and her son are marrying, I would be flattered, it could be a lot worse. Just hold your ground and remember it's your day.
2007-10-11 08:46:06 · answer #5 · answered by sducks32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful what you ask for :) If she drives you nuts, the last thing you want is an open invitation for her to criticize your wedding planning choices. Although it's very kind of you to consider her in your planning, it would be wise to keep your distance. Let her be the one to approach your fiancee about it first. If she has any interest, you'll find out through him. If not, there's no reason to add any more stress!
2007-10-11 09:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Caesar's Wife- You sound just like my FMIL, she has only once asked me about the date and why I want to marry her son.
I asked her opinion on a guest list of his side of the family and she seemed reluctant. I'm pretty much doing everything by myself with a few ideas from my Dad and FH.
2007-10-11 08:44:22 · answer #7 · answered by chaychayolei 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a future mil - my son is marrying next year. And I'm not doing anything, much to my relief. If you want to be polite, ask for her opinion on colours or some such. But I'm intending just to arrive, smile sweetly and have a good time.
Further to the comment down below - I offered, but have no take offense at being turned down. We're contributing, I'm interested but plan not to interfere at all.
2007-10-11 08:38:04 · answer #8 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Both of our mothers have limited involvement. Originally we (my fiance and I) were going to pay for everything, but my mother and grandmother are insisting on paying for the catering (my aunt works for a catering company...bonus!). We have asked his mother's opinion when it came to ceremony and reception locations (she even went with us to check out our chosen reception location). At least do that much...allow her opinion. Or is she being really overbearing?
2007-10-11 08:40:31 · answer #9 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im doing everything with my mom bc she is more involved and makes things about me rather than my MIL who makes things about herself, its ok to disincllude her in some portions of the planning if not all like me!
2007-10-11 08:33:58 · answer #10 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋