My Sister has had a rough two to three years. She was in a serious car accident, then had a child when she didn't know she was pregnant. She has turned to drinking, and is currently in rehab (the drinking has caused her to b/c nasty). She has always been irresponsible. She doesn't have a job, she has no long term goals for herself, basically she just doesn't care. BUT...She's my sister, and would be heartbroken if I didn't ask her to be my maid of honor. At the same time though, is it okay for me to be selfish for my special day?
I appreciate all of your thoughts.
xoxoxo -
2007-10-11 08:20:42 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I am closer to my youngest sister than my middle sister. Merely because my youngest sister and I have more in common. I wasn't sure what to do about the MoH thing. So I decided to be less traditional and ask both of them to be in my wedding as my Maids of Honor.
Having two maids of honor might be a nice touch. One of them you will be totally reliant on. And your sister... this might be just the motivation she needs to pull herself back together.
Out of curorsity is your niece/nephew going to be your flower girl or ring bearer? If so, you can frame not asking her as a "I really want you in my bridal party, but with the extra tasks of MoH and watching (insert the kid's name). I really don't want you to be overextended" You sound like you are looking out for her best intersets.
2007-10-11 08:29:35 · answer #1 · answered by christabella611 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortnuately, I think your old friend will be furious. Even though you have grown apart, it's obvious that you 2 are still close friends. Have you considered having 2 maids of honor? I know a few people who have done that and things turned out just fine. the 2 MOH just shared the responsibilities. And, that is the perfect opportunity for your 2 friends to get to know each other better. Is the new friend married? She could be your matron of honor, and the old friend could be the maid of honor. If she is not married, I say just have 2 MOH.
2016-05-21 22:37:12 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a matron of honor, you want someone who's reliable and very close to you. Someone who will be there for you and give you good advice and support your decisions. This person is not your sister. You are not being selfish, you want to make sure your wedding won't become a soap opera. It's about getting the job done right, not giving people responsibilities they can't handle. You can always make her a bridesmaid if you really want her to be a part of the wedding party.
I chose my best friend to be the Matron of Honor because it just made sense. My sister and I aren't that close (but we're getting there), she lives 10 hours away and works across the country, and she's just not into all the wedding planning. So she was never my choice for a maid of honor, but she is one of my bridesmaids.
2007-10-11 08:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by Peace 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not horrible. I can relate to your situation. My sister was not my maid of honor and she wasn't even a bridesmaid. Her behavior was so horrible when we announced our engagement that i decided not to subject my other friend and family in the wedding party to her irratic behavior. I don't necessarily think you are being selfish, you are being realistic. Why not ask her to be a bridesmaid and explain t her that you understand she is going through a lot and that there is a lot of responsibility to be the maid of honor and you didn't want to stress her out. Hopefully she will understand. If she doesn't then just simply tell her that it is your wedding and this is the way you want it and if she loves you she will support you plain and simple!
I hope it works out for you, family is sometimes the most difficult thing about wedding planing. Good luck!
2007-10-11 14:43:30 · answer #4 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if ur not close to her then ur not obligated to have her in the wedding..traditionally the oldest sister gets the honor but now adays its perfectly normal to choose a longtime friend etc. before u make any definite decision i think u should sit down with ur sister and tell her that u understand shes been through hell lately and u were trying to decide what to do with ut bridal party sitatuation and while u want her to be included u also was everything to run as smoothly as possible since the MOH job is to make u the brides life easier and less stressfuly. carefully explain that she doesnt have a good track record of being responsible and she will have to be financially independant for this occasion and if she feels it would be too much for her to take on right now then u understand if she declines the offer. u wanting ur wedding to be the way u always imagined it is NOT selfish. no one says you HAVE to make ur sister the MOH. it also used to be required that the bride wear white or off white or some neutral color but now u see women wearing brightly colored dresses or dressing with bold colors splashed throughout. its 2007...do what YOU want not what other people want u to do...good luck and congrats on the wedding
2007-10-11 08:29:40 · answer #5 · answered by jennybean7985 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm not sure that I would want to break the heart of my sister. Why not have two MOH? One could be your sister and the other your best friend. This way you have a backup plan just in case your sister has issues. Another option may be to have her do a reading during the ceremony. The question I would ask myself is one day worth causing a rift between my sister and I? That's only something you can decide :)
2007-10-11 08:50:48 · answer #6 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The maid of honor is supposed to be an individual who has a vested interest in the success of your marriage, at least in the traditional sense. You are to choose someone honorable, respectable, loyal and full of character and esteem. Anyone less is an insult to the marriage day and the future you will have with your husband.
Remember, your maid of honor should be the one you turn to as that shoulder to cry on, that ear to listen to your problems if any might arise. They must be upstanding and considerate of your feelings and the marriage as a whole. Make your choice based on the goodness of a person. It has nothing to do with being selfish, just reasonable.
2007-10-11 08:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by fierce beard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I thought about not having my sisters in my wedding at all. They're twins and I'm not closer to one more than the other. I decided that it would be better to ask them both be my maids of honor and go from there. They just turned 18 so I think it will be a fun experience for the 3 of us as sisters.
In your case, you have to do what's right for you and I think that asking your sister might add more stress in her life than she needs. Ask he what she wants to do to help, talk to her. If you get the feeling she's all gung-ho about rockin this wedding and being an awesome MoH, then go for it. Otherwise, ask what she CAN do, rather than assigning her a huge responsibility like that.
2007-10-11 08:33:55 · answer #8 · answered by chaychayolei 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your choice. Being the maid of honor comes with a lot or responsibility and can be very expensive too. There can be a lot of stress with it too. It sounds like your sister just isn't in a position to handle that. Maybe this will be the rock bottom she needs to get her act together. You need somebody you can count on and it sounds like she isn't the best choice. Do not pick her if she is not your first choice. This is your day. Do what is best for you.
2007-10-11 10:06:48 · answer #9 · answered by seachelle38 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no law that says you HAVE to have your sister as your maid of honor. I personally would not choose her, based on the facts that you've provided and the possibility that she could be a hinderer in your wedding party. Keep in mind though, that there will probably be hard feelings if you do not choose her.
2007-10-11 08:25:55 · answer #10 · answered by kiki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋