Am I too hard on the kids?

Question

ALLS I ASK OF THE KIDS IS TO COME STRAIGHT HOME AFTER SCHOOL DUE THERE HOMEWORK THEN DO THERE CHORES IF THEY HAVE TIME TO GO AND PLAY THEN SO BE IT . BUT THEY BETTER BE TELLING ME WHERE THEY ARE GOING AND WITH WHO AND THEN THEY WILL ALSO HAVE A CURFEW..BETWEEN THE TWO OF US WE HAVE FIVE KIDS AGES 12 , 11, 8, 5 AND 4...THE 5 AND 11 YEAR OLD ARE MINE FROM OTHER RELATIONSHIP AND THE 12, 8 AND 4 YEAR ARE HIS FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP..WE HAVE CUSTODY OF ALL FIVE OF THE KIDS WE JUST GOT MARRIED IN JUNE 2007 HAVE BEEN TOGETHER IT WILL BE TWO YEARS IN NOV. 2007 I WORK M-F (8 AM-4PM) AND HE WORKS M-THURS (M-TUES 4 PM-2AM) AND (WEDS-THURS 12NOON -10PM) I AM WITH THE KIDS WHEN THEY GET OUT OF SCHOOL I AM THERE WHEN THEY GO TO BED HE SEES THEM ON THE WEEKENDS FRIDAY THROUGH SUNDAY ...MY QUESTION IS HOW SHOULD WE HANDLE THIS DISPLINARY ACTIONS IF I GROUND THE KIDS HE GETS P@$$#! BUT THAT IS ONLY WITH HIS THREE KIDS I DO NOT SAY A WORD TO HIM WHEN HE CORRECTS MY TWO KIDS....PLS HELP ME

Answer 1

woah too much caps it hurts my eyes. but i dont think your too harsh on the kids, i wish i had a mom like you because my mom loved me too much that she never punished me which made me not want to study, all i did was play around and now i dont have good grades to get into a okay school.. but anyways your a careing mother so you should be happy one day they will thank you, after there 18 you should start being nice to them because so they can pay for your retirement hah

Answer 2

Ok this is what I do with my kids ages 12, 10 and 8.
playing with friends is for Friday afternoons and weekends only. During the school week they get a snack when they get home,then they can play outside for about an hour after school, then they have to come in get their homework done and have dinner, do their chores before they go to bed. It has worked great. They do better in their school work because they are so tired right after school to do their work right, that play break helps recharge them. And if they complain about doing or just don't do their homework or chores, their allowance is docked. They are happy with this and so are my husband and I. Also, you need to sit your hubby down and let him know that you are a team and need to parent these children as such or they will turn you two against each other.

Answer 3

You're too hard on the caps, that's what you are.

Parenting should be consistent in discipline with both mom and dad. It doesn't matter who's child is whose. But sometimes it's okay to keep petty secrets and break the rules a little bit.

No, I think you're pretty reasonable. As long as you're not pushing it too much. It just gets annoying when there's nagging or lecturing, or big scenes and yelling.

But I disagree with the requiring them to come home straight after school to do homework and do chores. Okay, the kids have been sitting forever in class and they probably have alot of homework with how it is nowadays. They need time to unwind and have time for themselves and with their friends. It doesn't mean the homework and chores aren't getting done, it will get done when it gets done. They wouldn't have time to go out if they're occupied to sundown when it's night out. It's not a matter whether they have time to play, they NEED the time to go play. Curfews should be reasonable.

Answer 4

Wow my mom was the same way...home from school do homework chores then play if we had time. had to be in a 5 for dinner do our after dinner chores then we could go out again and depending on who i went out with she would then decide on a curfew. if i was late i got grounded. my mom would ground us one hour for every 5 minutes we where late. a little harsh but it kept me and my siblings safe. and i am so happy she did it that way. but really it was because of my step dad. he wouldn't let us run all over my mom. he made sure she stuck to it. LOl my fave thing i remember with his discipline was if after my mom grounded us or gave us trouble if we pulled attitude he would make us write lines. as for your husband you need to sit down and explain to him that now that your also raising these kids and its unfair for only your kids to be disciplined . fair is fair. i think your doing great though. i turned out wonderful i have so much respect for others and i finished school. just keep up with what your doing.

Answer 5

I don't think your to hard on them. When I was in school as soon as I got home I had a snack then did my homework. Your husband and you should be on the same page. He should not be mad when you discipline his kids, even more so when he disciplines yours. You definitely need to sit down and point that out.

Answer 6

He needs to accept the fact that you are watching his kids and should be in charge of his kids when he is not there. he needs to support your discipline. If he doesn't support you, the kids will notice and not respect YOU.

You aren't too hard on the kids. You need to talk to him and tell him to respect your discipline or you will have problems like this for a really long time and it will cause arguments in the future.

Answer 7

You sound perfectly resonable to me. He is not there to know what the kids are doing. You are the one dealing with all 5 kids. He can't disapline them if he is not there so yeah its up to you. He should stand by what you say. You two need to get on the same page or your marriage wont last long.

Answer 8

Once my eyes refocus I can help! LOL1 You are not too strict, you are a good parent and as a good parent you are concerned. As far as you husband and him stepping up and backing your play talk to him. With your split work schedules you need to have a united front. My husband is my daughters step father he will set a punishment down that I may not agree with but I will wait until she is out of ear shot to express my views, and if we find a common ground he is the one to change the punishment not me since he laid it down. You need to be united!

Answer 9

I've been there with the..his kids, my kids, our kids thing. Hubby couldn't stand it when I disciplined any of the kids and I let things fly that I shouldn't have and trust me, it backfires way worse later on. 2 of my teenagers are monsters lol. They still know how far to push me, but dad lets them get away with anything. You have to do something while you have the chance or hubby will ruin your kids ..even if he doens't mean to!

Answer 10

I think u r a fantastic mum.You should have a word with ur partner as he should be supporting u and respecting your decisions,try a gentle approach first and if he doesnt respond tell him how you really feel as if you dont you will bottle it all up and it is likely to put you under a lotta pressure and you will eventually blo causing a huge argument.good luck