I'm a stay at home mom, with 2 kids. I do some in-home service work,part time, but other than that...i'm at home taking care of things. I've been with my man for years, and yes...he is the father of both my children! LOL!
I've always felt that our relationship was good, but we argue a lot, over stupid things...mostly about our families, and money.
He's a good guy, but moody at times, and has a bad attitude. I know he is faithful, and so am I...but his attitude and remarks hurt!
Some people say that being at home, I have it easy, and am just spoiled...but that's not true. Like I said, I do part time work for IHSS, and with that, I pay for our truck payment, and insurance. I do all the cooking and cleaning, take care of the kids, and handle our bills. I even help his and my family out constantly, but nothing ever seems to be enough.
What should I do? I put him and my kids before me ALWAYS!!
What would you do in this situation?
P.S.
I really don't wanna leave...Help!
2007-10-11 07:40:50 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My children are very respectful, and are being brought up right. I know that I deserve respect, and I do get it...just not at home, the way I deserve!
I do talk to my man about this, but he tells me that it's just me...that it's all in my head(like i'm thinking too hard!). Sure buddy!
But all the advise is great...keep it coming! =0}~
2007-10-11 07:54:02 · update #1
OK...I said that I don't want to leave! I never said that I was considering it. I only added that part so that it wouldn't be a topic. And as for having a man take care of most of the finances, minus car payment and ins...I am thankful! But trust me...I do my share also, and some!
2007-10-11 07:57:41 · update #2
sometimes people take the ones they love for granted...i think that is what is going on with you....you need to sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel...don't be confrontational and don't call him names ( even if he deserves them) but do tell him that you contribute a lot to your family and you really feel under-appreciated...see if you can explain to him like you did to us....best of luck
2007-10-11 07:56:54 · answer #1 · answered by jazzy l 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First, I would stop putting your man and the kids before you ALWAYS. You need to realize that if you are not happy, then your family picks up on that. You need some "me" time, guilt free "me" time. If it means getting a sitter while you get your hair done or go shopping,do it. You deserve to be happy and your family will sense this. It's a "Win, win" situation. Take that time for yourself, even if it means nobody bothers you while you drink your morning coffee and read your paper, me time is extremely important especially for a stay at home mom .
Second, pick your battles. Stop arguing over stupid things. Let him get his way if it isn't that important to you. You both need to learn the art of compromise. Without compromise, there is resentment. And that is what you are feeling now, resentment.
What would I do? When he gets moody, leave him be. That isn't the time to argue, that is the time to walk away and take the kids for a walk or whatever. Ignore the mood, most likely it is work related and has nothing to do with you.
When was the last time you told your man how much you appreciate all he does? When was the last time you gave him a back rub for no reason? Or told him what a great father he is? You may find that he feels the same way you do.
Lastly, when he annoys you again with his "bad attitude", do what I do. I remind myself of all his good traits and that he is not perfect and neither am I. You said he is a good guy, consider yourself lucky.
2007-10-11 09:00:14 · answer #2 · answered by Maureen S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how challenging being a dedicated housewife n mom can be so firstly "well done ! and keep up the good work " These words are something that most housewives never get to hear for the mountain of small tedious chores they handle day after day. I bet if the husbands are asked to exchange positions for just a month they wont be able to survive it ! But thats just a fantasy , lets accept that they will never know in totality what we have to go through day after day and also we will never know in totality what work challenges they face daily. Try n remember that he is as human as you are and as you are not perfect so isnt he !. I would suggest you take up some hobbies n girl friend time out.......do whatever that interest you away from home so that u can better appreciate your own situation . In a way he is right its mostly in your head. Have a talk with him thou about his "bad attitude" and tell him any major disagreements will have to be done out of the hearing of ur kids as this can impact them , Im sure a good clearing session can resolve this petty issue , frankly speaking u seem to have a good relationship and these are simply minor irritants , nothing which cant be resolved. One last thing cut down the sarcasm towards eachother.
2007-10-11 08:51:41 · answer #3 · answered by smashingdelite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to leave, in every relationship there are disagreements and arguments. I never wanted to be a stay at home Mom and I wasn't and there were a lot of things I missed in my children's growing up, but I had to work outside of the home, I didn't have a husband/man to pick up all of the other payments, other than the truck payment and insurance. In many ways you are truly blessed. Everyone is moody at times and I am sure there are moments during the month that you are at your peak. He probably thinks like so many others, that staying at home is easy, I don't believe it is and I give you your props for all that you are and all that you do. Maybe not leaving forever, but take some time out for you, leave your husband with the kids, or maybe even ship them off to the grandparents or aunts and uncles, and you and your husbandman spend some time together. If you think it might work suggest counseling, I mean the relationship has worked thus far, is it something worth saving or working on if it needs repair? God Bless.
2007-10-11 07:53:17 · answer #4 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Every person on this earth wants, & deserves to feel loved, & valued as a person. From your perspective the person who deserves this the most is YOU! (at least that's the way it should be).
Ending a marriage over feeling unappreciated seems to be a little extreme at this time, especially when there are many more things that can be done as a remedy before things get that far.
Probably what is lacking the most in your relationship is COMMUNICATION! A few sessions with a marriage councelor would probably improve things in this area substantially, but it will take TWO willing spirits to make it work. If he is willing to try, there are a few thing you could do on your own together, but if he balks at the idea of a marriage councellor, then I wouldn't hold up much hope of any self-help methods working either, but take a look at this:
www.relationshipjourney.com
and this: www.joekort.com/PDF/korts_korner_intentional_dialogue.pdf
or look up "Intentional Dialogue" through your favourite search engine, & see what you can find on your own.
There is lot's of information out there on it, & it really, really works if you both give it even a half hearted try.
Good Luck! I don't think you are ready to leave YET!
As long as he works at it with you, then everything will work out fine in the end.
2007-10-11 08:01:01 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don’t care what anyone else says, but staying at home and taking care of the kids is a job and a hard one at that! Yes, you get to stay home and you don’t leave for the office every morning, but none the less you work! I’ve been a stay at home mom for six years and there is rarely a moment I get to myself, I’m usually at a school activity, running the kids here, dropping them off there, picking up this, cleaning that! It’s a job period! A lot of times the “stay at home” person gets the short end of the stick and their partner doesn’t realize just how much they do or appreciate it. You need to remember one of the big things couples fight about is finances, it a big one! The other is family, arguing about kids, discipline, after school activities, grades and so forth. The reality is that you guys need to compromise and come up with a set plan regarding finances and children. You need to know where your money’s going to and how much each month. With the kids make a list of “definite” rules and consequences, so they know what to expect when they break them. That way the two of you don’t argue about punishment when something arises. Kids secretly beg for discipline and structure, so give to them and it will give you and your husband a break from arguing. As far as your husbands comments go…well, let’s just say I’ve heard of the “it’s all in your head” and it wrong. Obviously what he’s doing is not owning up to his problem of belittling you or making you feel bad/not worthy. He might want you to think it’s all just in your head and you’re over thinking things, but it sound like your not if you’re posting in here. Regardless, if you are or aren’t it’s still hurting you and causing you emotional pain and he needs to know that. You wrote that you’ve talked to him about this before, well, you need to talk to him again about and let him know that you won’t tolerate him speaking to you in this way. If can’t control his mouth around you let him know that you’ll be spending less time with him and more with your kids and other family members. Maybe then he’ll get the hint that he can’t treat his wife this way! Good luck!
2007-10-11 09:07:42 · answer #6 · answered by CJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's spoiled, maybe you should let him try to take care of things a few days out of the week than maybe he'll have alittle more respect for what you do. Leave him a To Do List of the daily tasks, lets see what he does or says about that. They really dont know what being a mom is like. What we do makes life easyer for them. It takes us being sick for days and nothing getting done: like folding and hanging the laundry and cooking them dinner, washing dishes so they can have their drinks and food on clean surfaces, vacuuming the house getting all the chips and popcorn off the floor, cleaning up the puke when they are sick, making sure that the refrigerator and cuboards are stocked, making sure kids have there homework done and having it out with schools when there is a problem, helping everyone find what ever it is they lost Again after you found it and put it were it belongs! You know the list goes on and on. They need to think twice about who they are addressing. We dont get sick days like they do. We still have to get up and make sure things arent falling apart. So tell him to shut it and if he dosent like it tough! He's got two choices stay mad or get over it! Sorry about this, it just kills me when people say taking care of your family isn't work. Good Luck!
2007-10-11 08:26:38 · answer #7 · answered by myangelsfuture 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, that's the only way you can try to change things. We can give you as much advice as you need but none will help unless you tell him how you feel. He shouldn't take his anger out on you. Staying at home with kids and taking care of them is much harder than most jobs so you don't have it easy like some people think. Good luck.
Edit: If you talked to him and he says it's in your head tell him that you feel unappreciated because that's what it looks like. If nothing helps act towards him the way he acts with you. Tha maybe he'll get it. LOL
2007-10-11 07:49:36 · answer #8 · answered by DoLz 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
So that's where my husband goes when he's off doing God knows what,LOL!!!!!! Seriously though, it does sound like we have the same man!!!!
Well, I don't have any children so I at least I have some "me" time. Do you have anyone who could watch your children so that you take off for a few hours a week to just do something for you? I take a water aerobics class at the Y 3 hrs. a week and it's a done me a world of good. I really enjoy the company of the people in my class and we have alot of fun. It's really the only "me" thing I get to do because I don't have a car. I also let ( encourage, LOL) my husband to do whatever he wants, he likes to fish for HOURS at a time and play guitar with his friend. When his friend calls I'll ask him to PLEASE ask my husband to come over and play,LOL!!!!!!!! I find that he's bit more amenable when I give him space, I'm happier when I get short breaks from him. I guess that it works, we've been married for over 19 years!!!!!!
2007-10-11 08:03:01 · answer #9 · answered by sheyna 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why on earth would you even consider leaving a family because of that? Just talk to your husband and tell him everything you told us. Tell him you feel like you and the things you do are being taken for granted. If you really feel like you are being overworked at home, schedule a day at the spa and take a friend. Relieving is stress is sure to make you feel better! That what I would do. Communication and relaxation.
2007-10-11 07:51:30 · answer #10 · answered by Kris W 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe u and ur husband need to get back to being a couple and reconnect. sometimes peopel take each other for granted bc they feel they have so much to deal with and dont realize the responsibilities u have as well. i think u and ur husband need a weekend get away to rekindle that romance. why not go camping and do somethign inexpensive but a bonding thing to bring u together.
2007-10-11 08:07:19 · answer #11 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋