My family is opposed to my relationship with my boyfriend for various reasons. He's older,they think he's no

Question

good,they refer to him as trash,they judge him for his past and consider him a good for nothing thug.Knowing him as a person,I know he is none of those things and is truly a great person at heart and treats me like a queen.I am truly happier than I have ever been and it's because of him.Well, he has tired of all the bull***t that is said about him and is determined to speak to my father man to man about our relationship.He plans on telling my father that he is not what everyone thinks he is and that they shouldn't judge him without even giving him a chance and taking the time out to talk to him.He also plans on saying that although he would love to be accepted because he knows how much it hurts me to be at odds with my family. I asked him not to go talk to my father,mostly because I'm afraid of his reaction and of my relationship with my parents getting worse. I'm just so eager to please my parents and to have their approval I've a few times considered breaking up. Any advice? Thoughts

To answer a few ?'s. I'm 26, live on my own over a year now, have a great job. I didn't tell my parents anything negative about him, they are going not even by what people say, just on their own judgements based on seeing him around when he was a teenager; he is now 38 years old. They are judging him by his actions/presentation/image of him over 20 years ago.

Answer 1

You can't have it both ways. If you want to convince your parents that your boyfriend is a great guy, then start treating him with the respect a great guy is due when he's getting hammered with unfair accusations and stand up for him. If their approval matters more than his feelings, then maybe you need to let him go until you're capable of being more independent.

Answer 2

Well let me be frank. Where did all the GOSSIP and RUMORS come from? Other people or yourself? Did you tell them some of the things that they have heard? Now my lady who's fault is that?

If he is older I am going to pose a scenario. I am not saying that you said this but I am just posing a scenerio. If the guy has been married twice and has 5 children etc. I like you believe you should not judge a person before you know them. However a track record sometimes speaks for itself. So there is always a chance that he may go off and do the things that may be bad etc.

Lastly, I think in my gut that you have serious doubts about this guy. I say this because if your family found out about him through YOU. Then you had doubts to even mention it to them. You want your family to pull you out and you don't want to hurt the guy. Why don't you just break it off if it causes that much stress in your life, no person is worth it. Male or Female.

Answer 3

Often the people who care about you that are OUTSIDE your relationship have insight and objectivity that you do not have. In other words, often THEY turn out to be right. That does not necessarily have to be true in your case, but if I could bet on this exact same situation every time I heard about it, I'd bet that the parents were right, and guess what? I'd win a lot of money. Here is what I suggest: go off by yourself somewhere, and think about this really hard. WHY do your parents not like him? What do your friends think? Why do they think it? Use your brain, and not just your heart. Then do what you think is right. Maybe you ARE right and your parents are not. Make the decision based on the facts, though, and not just on what you hope (or what they think) is reality. And look toward the future!! Your decision here will affect the rest of your life. Good luck!

Answer 4

I'll guess that your the oldest child, oldest girl or only child.
Parents always go through this with daughters.
But something must have been pretty bad in your bf's past to get such a reaction. So you have to appreciate your parents perspective. You didn't say how old you and he are. That is probably a big factor.
If your bf is that wonderful, he had better respect your parents feelings. If he just diss's them as old farts, he will drive a wedge between you and your family.
Does that sound like a mature, responsible person to you?
To make you choose him or them?

Answer 5

The answer to this depends on your age. if you under age your parent kind of do have a right say who you can or can not date, but if you are an adult it is hard to be in this kind of situation but from past experience everytime my mom thought a boyfriend or even my female friends were bad news she was right. maybe this guy is really nice but then again maybe because you have feelings for him you don't or can't see what others see. good luck to ya

Answer 6

Your boyfriend should not talk with your dad without you there. You really should be the one to talk with your dad and family about this.
What are your ages? Are you still finanical dependent? If you and your boyfriend are tired of all the "poop", then go live with him and ignore your family for a while.
If you know deep in your heart that this is not the man you are going to marry, then break up, it is not worth it.

Answer 7

If you're under 18, do as your parents say, nothing good will come of doing what you please or think is best. Wait til after you turn 18 to make your own life decisions, and your parents will have to respect that.

Answer 8

He's man enough,let him talk to your parent's...Their going by what other people are saying..there is alway's two side's to a story..


GOOD LUCK!!