I’m very angry right now. Any advice to calm me down?

Question

Yesterday was my daughter’s birthday, then one who died four years ago. We went to the cemetery to put up a new wind chime as a birthday present. When we got there we noticed that there were bright bits of plastic and ribbons every where and when we got to my daughters grave, we saw that all of her fake flowers, statues, trinkets and even metal flowers were mowed down….mowed! Not just hers but from every grave from that line. I pulled plaques that were put up on a Sheppard’s poll from in the dirt. I hope they busted their lawn mower blades on those metal flowers.

I went ballistic…yeah I know, not a short trip for me… I called the cemetery and gave her hell for this, demanded that she speak with the supervisor, I told her that in the four years I’ve been going there I have never seen this kind of massacre to the graves. I reminded her that those are our family members in the ground. And on and on..

Now I’m still angry, I hate being angry. There’s nothing I can do about it and I still can’t find peace. It was bad enough that she was killed, but now her grave site was trashed.

Give me advice on how to clam down, I don’t want to hold on to this anger. Please I don’t ask much around here, I need to let this go and don’t know how. And for those of you who say seek a therapist : I am in therapy for her death, but I don’t have an appointment for another week, so if you could just do me this one favor I’d really appreciate it, I don’t like it when anger festers in me.

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mention her age when she died, she was 11 years old.

Answer 1

Hi Kerri,your anger is justifiable anger and there is nothing wrong with this,Jesus showed this same anger against injustice in the temple.,that`s the first thing, the second point is this,the deed has been done and you cannot turn back time to undo it so you have to let go because if you do not then your justified anger will fester into unjustified anger and it this uncontrolled type that causes more problems, I promise you if you do not let this go you will feel ill within.
You have bravely put your protest across to the cemetery officials and you can rest assured that you did the right thing.
If by any chance this type of incident happens again to others then you could get together and present a petition of protest.

Answer 2

Stop and think about what this incident means in the grand scheme of things. There is nothing to be done about it. No one was physically hurt in the process. The trinkets and whatnot are just THINGS. Are these things really worth all this negative energy? What purpose does this anger serve?

Yes, it was an asinine thing to do and it sucks, but it isn't worth any more of your time. Just pick up the pieces and use it as an opportunity to get new trinkets and symbols.

Might I also suggest that you remember how grateful you are for all that you have and have been able to experience, rather than being upset for not having more. I don't mean it will make it all better, but it is a far more positive perspective from which to view the world.

Answer 3

Try to realize you will only feel the needle for a short time. The amount of fear in your head does not match the actual pain of the needle. You have built up the experience way beyond what actually happens. Try to fully relax the muscles in your arm while the needle is being injected. This helps so it will not hurt later. Turn your head the other way so you won't have to see what is going on. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I understand your anger. When we discovered that some hoodlums had been out in the cemetery where my Mom is buried and had actually driven over some of the graves and left tire tracks we were furious. I'm surprised that the caretaker of your cemetery would have mowed those things down instead of removing them first. Do they have any signage about removing things from the graves for mowing? If not, then their actions were unforgiveable. I'm sure you're not the only person who was incensed. I guess all you can do is chalk it up to insensitivity and stupidity. That doesn't do much to assuage your anger, but we have to realize that there are boobs in the world who have no respect for other people's feelings.

Answer 5

i understand how you feel...i lost a son a long time ago.

it's very hard to deal with this kind of grief...it never really leaves. as hard as it is try to remember that your daughter isn't really there.

i don't know what your beliefs are, but try to take comfort in the fact that her spirit is still with you...she lives in your memories.

i don't know how long you had your daughter with you...my son was only a month old. i am not going to tell you to stop thinking about it, because that's not possible. i will say try to focus on the time you had together.

take the warm bath, listen to some calming music, and try to let go of the pain.

bright blessings and comfort to you.
if you want to email me please feel free.

Answer 6

Aweeee Sweetie, O am so very sorry. Take a deep breath and have a good cry, then let it go. You did the right thing by making that call. I wish I could just give you a big hug right now.

Answer 7

I understand your frustration but all that happened were that trinkets were destroyed by an accident. Whatever your beliefs about where your daughter is (or isn't) and what she may or may not be doing can not be changed by a lawn mower. Take a deep breath.

Answer 8

(((((~ Кεrrі ~ )))))

First of all, let me say you did the right thing in demanding accountablity from the cemetary.

Second, give yourself permission to cry, then beat up a pillow, take a hot bubble bath (with lavendar oil if you have some) and if you had good times with your daughter (you don't say how old she was when you lost her) -- remember those, especially her laugh....

Answer 9

hopefully writing it down like this has helped get it out. It always helps me when I'm angry just to have some sort of vent...

sorry kerry xxx

Answer 10

You have to deal with what's really making you angry (i.e. the loss of your child). I honestly have no advice on how to deal with that, but I'm really sorry that happened to you.