Should I continue to financially help my Mother?

Question

My mother has been homeless for a few years, jumping from place to place. 2 months will go by that I haven't heard form her, then she will call me with a sob story asking for money. I cannot let her stay with me, because she has proven herself untrustworthy and she hangs around people that I do not want knowing where I live. She provided me with a great childhood and i love her so much. I have helped her financially so much that I am now in major credit card debt and have been trying to unbury myself for a while now; I still have a ways to go. Shoud I continue to help her, all the while hurting myself or should I stand up and tell her that she needs to help herself first. The problem is, when I say no, I can't bear the thought of her on the streets and desperate for help.

Answer 1

"Honor Thy Parents".........a biblical quote that I fully believe is right. With that being said....here are a few things to ponder before you make a move...**SEE ONLINE SITE BELOW!!!!!!

******** http://www.hud.gov/homeless/index.cfm ********

One, remember this.....she obviously did something right and did it well, and that was having a little baby that was her shining star, and that is **YOU**. Look how you care, look how you think well, look how caring you are......YOU are a beautiful and caring person...I respect you immensely!!!! Many many blessings to you!

Two, with all the above facts, there is one more......Your mom needs help, and it's more than obvious that by you giving her money, hasn't changed her homeless ways. Find a shelter and therapy for her......here is where your well needed support and money can come turn into a great deed!! If you have the time, physically take her with you somewhere for this greatly needed help. She loved you well enough to raise you....and look how you turned out............NOW is your chance to raise her, and help her become self-sufficient. There are many locations where you can go for advice.....and not by general people. I mean professional help.....A shelter, a church, but most of all......see this site for additional information...and MAY GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR GOOD HEART...

Answer 2

That is so sad. I understand your loyalty to your mother, and it shows what a good person you are by feeling that you must help her. Does she have a problem, such as drugs, that must be dealt with before she can get on track again? If she does, then I probably wouldn't advise you to give her money because it will actually keep her in the position that she's in now. If it is just bad choices, I would probably continue to try to help her, which honestly, is undoubtedly not wise, but I couldn't turn my mother down. You do have to help yourself, though. You must explain to your mother that as much as you love her, you are now in financial distress yourself, so you only have a limited amount to live on. Tell her that you will help her in any other way possible, such as trying to find a place to live, or a place that can help people get back on their feet. This is a heavy responsibility that you have, but think about it. If you run yourself into bankruptcy, how would you help her then?

Answer 3

Is your mom on drugs or mentally messed-up?
It really sounds like she is needing professional help instead of a hand-out. The hand-outs from you are draining you financially and only encouraging this dysfunction of hers.
You need to talk to social services (perhaps senior services) about getting her into some kind of program, first to get examined, then to get clean and into some kind of stable environment where she can get treatment. Try talking to the United Way agency in your area.
If there is a cost to you for getting her off the streets and into some professional help... THAT is a burden you can feel good about.

Answer 4

does your mom have a mental illness? it sounds like she could... does she have a hard time holding down a job? that can be a sign too. is she a drug abuser, or does she use alcohol a lot?

maybe urge her to see a therapist.. she has problems which she apparently doesn't want to take care of, and you are enabling her to use you. your mother needs to stand up on her two feet, and take care of her own stuff.

perhaps if she is deemed mentally ill or disabled in some way, she can get help from the State or Social Security. I'd definitely help her get in to see a doctor or therapist for assistance. There are many programs and grants which help people who have low or no income... she will simply have to check with the mental health clinc business offices for information.

You have bled yourself to death enabling your mom to use you. Yours sounds like a codependent relationship, which is why i asked about the drug use and / or alcohol. You could also do a yahoo search for CODEPENDENCY SELF HELP for more inforrmation on that.

take care of YOU.. you haven't been.

Answer 5

For her sake and yours she needs to sell the house and get out from under the debt. She needs to find a small place that she can live comfortably and give her son a reasonable amount of time to find a job and get out on his own as he is a grown man now. She is doing nothing but causing pain for you, your brother and herself by the stress she is causing with all the debt. You have your own life to live and while she is your mother and it is good that you are helping her you also have to look out for your future. You have a very understanding boyfriend and sounds like a good head on your shoulder. Don't put too much burden and stress on him.

Answer 6

She was a good mother but that is what a mother has to do. You do not owe a parent for taking care of you while you are growing up that was their choice and so their responsibility. Next time she asks for help, you need to tell her that you will but under conditions. You need to remember that it is her choice to be where she is. That does not make it your fault if you do not help. It is painful, but you are not guilty. If you want to help, like I said do it only if she will want to get off the streets. Hard but it is how it really is.

Answer 7

Why is she homeless? Why isn't she in some type of woman's shelter? You're within your rights to insist that she be stable in a place where she gets help and you can check on her. You're in a tough place and there is no easy solution - it's hard to honor your mother under these circumstances, but you can't live with the guilt of not helping her either.

Answer 8

You didn't say how old she is. Can she work? If so she needs to stand on her own as much as she can. Yes tell her that you can't help her as much as befor. It will be hard but you can't keep on doing it. Sounds like people are using her and when she get down and out, that is where you come in to save the day. Be honest and tell her you love her and you will be there for her.But she needs to stand on her own.

Answer 9

well first you have to help yourself before you help someone else and thats getting yourself out of debt, becuase once youre in debt its very hard to get out of it if you pay it too slow.

its hard to say no to a parent who wants help, but its also the other way around, a child has to learn to control their mistakes same as a parent. take care of your debt first before helping her, i say give her one last chance, if shes just using you to hang around then tell her she has to let go and help herself.

Answer 10

Try to help her in ways that are not directly giving her cash. Perhaps, help her find living arrangements, therapy, a job.