I feel a lil stressed out. I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, bathing and a whole lot. When the kids go back with their mother its a time for us to just relax and take a break. The other day they came over the house when it was not their week with us. Do not get me wrong I love them to death but sometimes I just need a break. Yesterday at work was very stressful so all I wanted to do was come home and relax. When my boyfriend picked me up, I noticed they were in the car and I felt a lil indifferent. They were fighting and kicking each other in the backseat. I could not handle it! By the time, I got home I was asked to cook but did not want to do it. So instead my boyfriend did. I jumped in the shower, locked the door to the room, and went to sleep. My question is, is that bad of me to be that way? I mean even if you never been in a situation like this im sure there was a time when you wanted to be alone and did not want to be bothered by any one. Ughhhh.... it was just one of those days I guess.... Feed back please!
2007-10-11 05:03:02 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh girl I am in the same situation as you!! My fiance has a daughter, she is now 8 and she is the greatest! Except she is here EVERY weekend, i always have to worry about dinner for her, setting up her bed, helping her with her shower, making sure she puts cream on her scars, making sure she has a juice box and a jacket if we go out...not to mention no free time, no weekends to just relax. Plus I feel i cant be "myself" around her, cause everything is weird.
I am the same way..some days i just want to "take a day off"....you are not wrong to do that, and in fact you need that for your sanity, and the kids have to respect that while you are there for them, you are not their mother and deserve to do things for YOU.
If you have ANY free weekend enjoy them...because that may change. We used to only have her every other weekend, and now it is every single one. I think it has made my fiance a little more mature, which i am grateful for, but i also miss the days of us being able to go to a late night dinner or movie. I mean I alwyas expected that if WE had kids, but when its your step child its different.
MOthers days I have to watch her make a card for her mom and her call her mom, and my fiance wish his ex a happy mothers day, while i dont even get a "thank you" for all the things I do thorughout the year. so i vowed that from now on, every mothers day ...i am going out...even if i have nowhere to go...i dont want to be around.
Good luck girl...sometimes it can be so nice, sharing moments, helping them with things..but other times its overwhelming...make sure you put them to bed early! :)
2007-10-11 05:12:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you say is going to change the situation. I am sure that you have already said all that there is to say. He obviously doesn't think that you and your children are a priority, has hasn't made you one. He is willing to support his mom and a friend but NOT you or your children, HIS own children. It shouldn't even be a choice, he should want to put you and his children first. You need to get into income based housing and take him to court for child support. You are already raising the children alone, you might as well get help from him and Honey, that is going to be the only way he is ever going to man up. Right now, he has it good. He gets to live with his mom and a friend and do God only knows what through the week, spend time with you one day a week, probably get sex from you, see his kids and not pay child support. He knows that he is getting off easy because were you to officially split up, he'd still be responsible for the bills he is paying now AND pay child support. Quit wasting your time and heart on this man who so obviously cares very little about you, your children, your "family". I know that you think that you love him but really, what do you love about him? You havent lived together for a long time, you see him one day a week, he does nothing for his own children or for you. Your "relationship" seems more like a dream or a fantasy or wishful thinking. Sweetheart, move on with your life and find someone who loves you am your children and puts you all first.
2016-04-08 03:07:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u knew he had children, this will be good practice when u both have childre, try and talk to him and tell him u were a bit put out and just wanted to chill and have a nice night with him on his own, tell him u had a crap day at work and u didnt mean to be moody and lock urself away.
im sure he will understand, ask him to take the pressure off of u and do a bit around the house when the kids are there. after all they are his kids and not urs, so u cant be expected to do all the work. just try and talk it over
2007-10-11 05:14:10 · answer #3 · answered by some people are rude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's normal to feel the way you do. Even full time moms need breaks some times. Don't stress out and feel like you did anything wrong. If it continues to bother you, voice your concern with your boyfriend, let him know that you care alot about his kids, but sometimes you need some alone time. If he loves you, he'll listen.
Good luck and take care
2007-10-11 05:08:10 · answer #4 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 kids and my BF has none. I don't expect him to do anything for them, however, sometimes i ask or he offers. But i do not take advantage of it. When they come over he should either cook or take them out. They seem to be young if you have to bathe them, you need totell him to do it and let him know there his kids but don't be rude about just let him know your a mom b4 you wanted to be but you also knew what you were getting yourself into. Alot of couple go through this but if you have to communicate to him that you shouldn't have to do everything for them when they come over, that you would like one day that he actually did everything and you sat down and he catered to you. My BF did that for me and I was so happy! I actually had one whole entire day where i did nothing! If he didn't give you grief that you went to bed then don't worry about it. Your actually being something most girls wouldn't do.
2007-10-11 05:16:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi.. it's very kind of you to help with your boyfriends kids, but you need to remember -- these kids are not your responsibility, but your boyfriend's.
It's OK to take time out and to take care of YOU. If you need to relax, shower and get some sleep, then let him know. He should never expect you to do it all for those kids, anyway.
Believe me, you are more generous than i would be. I have nothing against a boyfriend's children, but if i were in your situation, I would start to feel i was there just for the convenience of caring for HIS kids....
Your boyfriend needs to take a more active role in caring for the kids when they visit.
If it were me, i'd urge him to help with the cooking, cleaning and other things involved with caring for those kids.
take care of YOU.. it's quite alright to do.
2007-10-11 05:08:39 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All kids act that way and as a mother, or step mother you are given a ton of things to do for the children. They are his kids, not yours so the care needs to be given by their dad, and you are there to HELP him and be supportive. Love those kids like you have been, and don't think of doing things for them a chore but more like an opportunity to share some of yourself with them. Tell your bf you love helping him with the kids but not taking care of them on your own. They need their dad to show them he cares enough to bath them and cook for them and play with them.
2007-10-11 05:09:42 · answer #7 · answered by Dazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
theres nothing wrong at all with needing some alone time. you deserve it. i mean in reality they are not your kids right now so they shouldnt have to be your number one priority but at the same time... you knew from the beginning that your boyfriend would come along with some baggage.. im sure he needs the help as much as you need your alone time so just show him that you care and you want to help him out with his kids which one day could be somewhat yours too.. but make it known to him that you didnt sign up to be a mother yet and you will need alone time once in awhile.
2007-10-11 05:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you will receive a lot of grief over this, but you do need time to yourself sometimes. Your boyfriend could be more considerate and let you know, but be glad that he is taking responsibility and a caring attitude towards his children. A lot of men don't. The ones that do are keepers.
Remember that
2007-10-11 05:07:50 · answer #9 · answered by Jamie, FNP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do understand how you feel.the thing is if you re going to be with someone that has kids with someone else you have to be prepare for things like that.but every women desires her alone time.if y'all can afford why take the kids out somewhere one day where all y'all can have some fun and depending on how old the kids are let them run wild while y'all sit back and relax and watch them
2007-10-11 05:09:30 · answer #10 · answered by latinostraberi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋