if you feel you get bullied as a male adult, imposed upon, intimidated, people berrating you, what is the?

Question

right way to respond to that without getting angry or aggressive?
iam a 30 year old bpd sufferer, who has low self esteem, has never asserted myself very well, is afraid to assert to other males, iam vunerable to right now.....and im not afraid to put this part of be outthere.
i seek the truth, to recover, to get well, attain my goals, and have a happy life. im full of integrity.
but theres certain things i dont feel i have the ability to deal with.
like people bullying you or intimidating you or imposing on you..or playing indirect mind games...using key words...insinuation....
in situations like this, im scared ill become angry and aggressive, not violent. but shout and get angry.

i have a history of being bullied and sustaining abuse..being attacked and harrassed to by hooligans

i can be passive, submissive and subserviant to.....which i want to know how to change

Answer 1

I understand how you feel. I too suffer from BPD. I'm assuming that since you know your diagnosis, you are seeking treatement for it, correct? That's a good thing. I see a therapist monthly just to let out my feelings that I'm too afraid to let out at the moment they occur because of the anger that you described. My therapist encourages me to tell people how I feel and sort out the rational anger from the out of control irrational anger. It's okay to be angry about things and it's okay to talk about them and sometimes you do need to shout to get your point across, but with people like you and I, our anger can just spiral out of control and before you know it, we're out of people to yell at because nobody wants to have a simple conversation with us anymore. It's hard, but the good thing is that BPD doesn't have to be a lifelong ailment. You just need to learn what triggers your outbursts and work on trying to control your reactions to those triggers. And by all means, talk to someone about how you feel. Even if it's just a trusted friend.

And don't take bullying from anyone. You don't deserve it. You deserve to be treated with respect just like everyone else. But instead of yelling at people, treat them with the respect you want them to give you without just laying down and taking it. Talk to them about how you are feeling and if they continue, then it might be time to cut ties with that person. That might be hard if you work with them or live with them, but I don't know your exact situation.

I think the best situation for you would be to have someone you respect to talk to. If you need someone to talk to, I check my email everyday (except on weekends because I don't have internet at home unless I go to my mothers house) so feel free to message me. Vent your frustrations. Let it out. I'll try to give my best advice from what I've learned while living with BPD. My email is [e-mail]. Hang in there.

Answer 2

These are also feeling associated with depression. Because you suffer from BPD you are also at risk for some depression, and if you are suffering some depression then intern you will have low self esteem.
This interns makes you susceptible towards being bullied, or feeling intimidated.
I would consider talking to you doctor about this, he may be able to help you with some simple medication to treat the depression, then you will need some help on bringing you self esteem back up. These are all things that a good qualified Doctor or Psychologist should help you with.
I don''t recommend getting help hear because your issues have underlying issues which make treatment or advice hard.
Some of the best Advice I can give you is that you should avoid these people when possible, and ignore them the rest of the time. The one thing that a bully hates it to be ignored, the longer you do it the less he'll bother you. Sooner or later he is going to figure out that he's not affecting you any longer.
The other thing is to not show an emotion or to react to these things, if a person knows or sees a reaction then they know they can upset you they will continue.
I know this will be hard for you, but I'm yelling you this works.
So make that appointment and get started there, and keep working on it, it's not going to get better over night.
Best Regards!

Answer 3

Gee you ask the hardest questions and make me think about how to answer them, you are far from being a lost cause and the amount of insight that you have into your ability to deal with things astounds me. I'm glad you are focusing on the positive now even when you feel low and its difficult for you.

There are some great answers here and while I agree that therapy will help you develop coping strategies in time, it doesn't really answer your question does it? And while it would be nice just to say avoid the jerks or move, it doesn't solve your problem.

You need to realise that you have as much right to be on this planet as anyone else and stop categorising yourself by the illnesses you have, because by doing this you immediately assume that there is something wrong with WHO you are in the first place. They are not who you are, you just happen to have the bad luck to get lumped with these illnesses and you are making moves to improve your situation. Good on you! That is responsible, that is clever.

You have admitted you are vulnerable so this will sound tough but don't wear your heart on your sleeve and let these people get to you. You must look to that integrity of yours and know that you are bigger than whatever difficulties you encounter. You are more than equal to the situation and while I'm not suggesting you get into verbal fights, just ignore these people's bad behaviour because they are beneath your attention. Do not engage them while they are playing games or being aggressive and when you have to, remain calm and think before you say or do something.

Best I can offer friend...

Answer 4

I think I can relate to what you are feeling. I suffer of low self esteem as well and there are times whenn it becomes hard to know when someone who is playing mind games or bullying should be stopped aggressively (not violently).
What I would suggest you is to avoid letting rage take over and try and steer of the situation whe you are feeling uncomfortable.
Try to analyze, once you are calmed, if what the other person did was indeed something that was meant to hurt you. Believe me, there are times when one is so vulnerable that you can consider anything as an attack. So, if after evaluation, you realize you were actually being abused, then the next time this situation repeats, be very firm and address the issue directly with the person that is causing you the problem. Bullies don't like being confronted, so there is a chance to have a dialog and to let him know that you won't take such crap from him anymore.
Don't be violent, don't insult, but be very firm, let him/her know how you feel about it.
This has worked for me many times, so I hope it does for you. Good luck and don't let ppl get you down. Cheers!

Answer 5

I will not discuss diagnosis or suggest drugs, so here goes.

That's an awsome question and quite a leap for wanting to feel balanced in your life.

I can say that I eventually got stronger little by little in handeling all these things in life which is supposed to be a natural maturation process or maturity that occurs to make one bullet proof from most of what you talk about that hurts.

Something happened along the way as you were growing up that you didn't become immune to it, because I have a dear friend who was adopted from his Aunt, they kept it a secret and then projected shame on him. They berated him as he grew up and it messed up his adult life and relationships. He almost tried to kill himself.

For example, what makes one person who is severely abused become an accomplished person versus someone else who had a great up bringing and then snaps???

This is very interesting, but that's not your point. Your question is how to recover. I can suggest something that I've witnessed help a friend of mine and her adopted kids from drug addict parents who all went through mental difficulties.

The mom was so depressed with low self esteem, she would have panic attacks and couldn't drive alone. Her dad held a gun to her head.

What I'm saying is that there is hope for you. She had bio feed back done, which helped her to train her brain and alter her neuropathways in order to create a different response to negativity rather than a reactive one which is yelling and freaking out.

Another thing they added was supplements. It helped to level off a sense of more focus and an emotional floor that the psychiatric drugs couldn't touch, which she had been on for so many years. All it lead to was cutting herself.

I also helped my neice with Bi Polar and got her on supplements to balance out her endocrine system and she is no longer on Neurontin and Paxil (drug free) and was able to pick up where she left off emotionally from the time when she was diagnosed.

Meaning, she was given these meds at 18, and at 21, she was still emotionally 18, because the drugs masked the symptoms but didn't allow her to emotionally move up or grow, because it kept her in bed until 4 or 5 in the afternoons because of the side affects.

Now, she is 24, medication free and living a normal life... Well, what is normal? There really isn't any normal, but your yelling and anger is unresolved and you need to also address it with someone who can take you to that place that is painful and give your body and mind the ability to forgive without losing energy.

I hope this gives you ideas and offers some kind of hope.

Take care and I am impressed with your reaching out, that takes a lot of nerve, humility and vulnerability.

Answer 6

You need professional help with this. But remember only you can change it. Also the old saying..."Rome wasn't built in a day" applies. Create little victories for yourself by starting with small simple goals, And celebrate those victories. You can do this. You have worth and value, but you need to see it. Your challenges are not small ones but you can overcome and have the happy life you desire. Go get some help. This world is a tough place and not everyone will be kind or understanding toward you. Screw them!! Go find folks who will. Good luck.

Answer 7

Fully understanding your BPD is number one. Realize that your not alone out there. I have anxiety/depression and take antidepressents. But, at one time it seem like people would feed off my lack of assertiveness. They would ask a favor and I didn't know how to say "No". It takes time and lots of self discovery. But, it's sooo worth it. Try not to "chum the waters" of others who prey on unselfassured people. They, themselves are lower than dirt and need to bully and demean in order to feel something other than the empty shells they really are. Fake confidence. Walk with your head up high. Don't try to defend yourself in words with a stupid comment someones pukes out of their mouths. Dont let em see you sweat! It'll be hard and uncomfortable at first, but once you get goin', it'll get easier. And you won't have to fake it, you'll be it! And try and stay on the side of the street where the happy people are, not the low life side. Good luck and get happy!!!!!!! Hugs to you!!!!!!!

Answer 8

It doesn't sound like it would work for you but I usta be the same way, then I started lifting weights and gained a huge amount of confidence. People who would **** with me stopped as soon as the results from lifting showed. I didn't even have to do anything about it. Although I am only 18, I don't know what your situation really calls for.

Answer 9

If its a stranger then think of witty smart *** remarks. Or just look at them and say " i don't give a hoot what you think about me." you could even laugh at them as they keep going. And walk around with confidence, don't care what others think at the end who the hell are they anyways. IF someone is a bully then its because he is trying to compensate for a small weiner... Stand up straight and not care about what others think about you this will show in your face and people will sense it and leave you alone. i hope this helps...

Answer 10

You need an excellent counselor who can help you through these difficulties. It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Your problem cannot be solved on Yahoo answers. Good luck to you.