I’ve been with my s/o for 9 months and our relationship is great. I’ve lived at home off and on for the last 3 years. I got an apartment 4 months ago. He still technically lives at home but he’s with me every night. Having him there costs me an extra $200 a month that I really don’t have. Money has been tight lately and it’s left me very irritable.
Last night I mentioned that I don’t have much money. He asked me why, in a tone that was suggesting I was blowing money or something. I just snapped! I told him that this isn’t fair and it pissed me off when he asked why I don’t have any money. I told him he has no idea what it costs to be independent and take care of yourself. It’s really hard. I said I want a partner, not another person to take care of. I also said that it pisses me off that I have to work 40 hours, go to school 12 hours, and stress about money when life is bliss for him. He’s only working 10 hours and goes to school for 9. Even his parents have said something to him.
He’s not a bad guy. He’s just lazy. Will I have to push him forever? Was I wrong to say anything?
He pays when we go out to eat, which is rarely. He does clean my apartment a lot. If he’s going to be there everyday then I think we should make it official and split the bills.
2007-10-11 03:37:55 · 10 answers · asked by Due May 17, 2009! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't think that you were wrong for saying something to him, but maybe you could have said it to him in a different way. He probably doesn't realize how hard it is to live on your own. I don't think it would be fair for you to ask him to split the bills if he is not offically living with you, but maybe you could ask him to help with groceries if he is helping you eat the food. The other bills such as electricity, water, rent...would all be yours whether you were with him or not.
2007-10-11 03:43:41 · answer #1 · answered by ~irish~moon~star~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you were. Is this the first time you've mentioned him it costs you 200 extra to have him there? Why does it cost you 200 extra to have him there? Anyways, if you have never mentioned it, just snapping and yelling at him was not the way to tell him. Anyways, as the independent person you are, you are the only one who can set limits, and you haven't set any limits in these past 4 months. Don't expect him to one day realize your whole life and fix it. You should've spoken to him instead of going berserk.
Have a talk with him, to make it official. If he says no, then he can spend all his nights at his house.
2007-10-11 10:49:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong, but you went a wrong way to start a discussion. Being right is one thing but being tactful enough to get the message through is quite another.
Yup, it's hard to make the ends meet when you are starting out, and your significant other, since he isn't on his own, have no idea how hard it is.
Having known that, you might have started from explaining your expenses then move on to asking for his share.
By the way, this is a good indication of how he is... I think you are getting a good insight into your future life. He will only change when he wants to. You can't make him.
2007-10-11 10:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you were wrong on how you went off on him. You should have set the ground rules from the start , if he is going to live with you then he needs to help out but if he can come and go as he pleases then you need to step up and pay your own bills he didn't make them you did.
2007-10-11 10:49:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think what you did was just right. I mean, he has to know the whole situation is putting too much stress on you and that it's already pissing you off. You want a partner and therefore since he is the one living with you, he should know what a "partner" means to you. It's equal sharing of responsibilities. We girls have the right to demand for it. Good luck on your relationship. I wish your outburst opened his eyes.
2007-10-11 11:04:43 · answer #5 · answered by j.anne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know it makes you wonder though, if he did move in would he actually split the bills or would it be 70/30? if he is not helping now then he may not help if he moves in. I would stop having him over so much until he is more responsible like you are. No, you were not wrong. Do NOT move him in, things will be worse, until he proves himself worthy.
2007-10-11 10:46:41 · answer #6 · answered by typerchic34 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some one will only use someone if that someone LETS them. You are allowing it. If he sleeps there he pays to do so. He will only get worse. If you are afraid of loosing him if you make him pay then he isn't there for the right reasons. Sound like a user.
2007-10-11 10:45:06 · answer #7 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ought to have spoken out before it bubbled out like that...I would simply ensure that he comes around less often...move in together AFTER he has more work and has proved that he can stick to it.
2007-10-11 10:42:27 · answer #8 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not on the wrong you need to push him to let him. coz if he is the one whom you gonna share ur life with forever then is either you work harder to maintain him or u push him to work harder to maintain both of u. which one do u want
2007-10-11 10:46:19 · answer #9 · answered by liakin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell no you weren't wrong.If anything he's wrong for not wanting to help out in the first place.
2007-10-11 10:44:12 · answer #10 · answered by Daigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋