how can i help my son deal with his anger and not take it out on people?

Question

my son got in trouble at school for telling someone he was going to stab them, this was his best friend, i know he didnt mean it and they are best buds again, but i know they ahave to take everything seriously. i am a single mom and his dad isnt in the picture very much, it seems kind of out of sight out of mnd for him. he doesnt get in trouble alot at home, and i dont get the attitude that his teachers do. he never smiles and has a negative attitude at school,at home he smiles all the time. i do work alot but he has great day care and my parents take him on the weekends to spend time with him because i work. im not sure if i should get him into some counciling or what or if it will just pass. he is 9 and i havent met a 9 yr old that hasnt had an attitude problem at some point in time. but any advice?? im just really shocked that those words came out it was totally out of charactor for him.

Answer 1

Explain that it is ok to be angry but not ok to say he is going to hit someone or stab them. Let him know that when he gets home and he has had a bad day he can yell and scream it out. But he can not hit or threaten others. Give him time to yell and scream. He needs to learn that when he gets angry it is ok. Cause we all do but it matters more how he handles the anger that is important too. You may want to look for a couple of books on anger issues. It sounds like he is having a hard time in school and something may need to be addressed so that he can have fun there. I would also talk to your parents about how to handle it as it seems they are helping you. You may not completely agree with what they say but it could help you. You are a great mom. Way to Go.

Answer 2

You are having a tough go right now, so I don't want to add anything on that will make it any harder. Being a single mom of boys who don't have a positive father figure is one of the hardest things to handle. Sounds like you are doing as well as you can be.

Now let's look at a couple of things. First, little boys scrap, they fight and say things without thinking first. Up until the last 10 years or so playground fights were the way they would establish their male dominance. But they no longer have that outlet., yet that natural need is still there. Before counseling, try getting him a small punching bag and let him vent his frustrations in that way.

What I find more concerning is the difference between his persona at school and his persona at home. Is he having problems with school work, is he bored, are other kids messing with him, is there a teacher giving him a hard time (yes it happens)? Talk to him, visit the school if you can. Find out why he is so unhappy there.

Poor little guy, he needs all the love mom can give him. You are doing a good job!

Answer 3

I wonder how kids get through their childhoods in one piece. There is so much out there that they have to deal with.
Your son may be experiencing the beginning of puberty. My son started early and he was an emotional mess.
Make sure your son knows he can talk to you about anything, and then give him a second source. We had a very good relationship with our doctor and I told my son if there was something he was uncomfortable talking to me or his dad about, I would make an appointment with Dr. Steve. I assured him Doctor's have to keep his concerns secret, unless it was a major medical issue.

Having said that, you have to make good on your promise and let him talk to you without freaking out. If he tells you something scary ask him questions until you can figure out how to react. When he says he wants to stab somebody, tell him that surprises you and why does he say that? How does he think that would take care of the problem? If he did stab his friend, what does he see happening after that? This gives him the chance to see the problem through to its logical end, and it gives you the opportunity to assess whether you need to get a professional involved.
I do not mean to lay guilt on you, but he may just really need some time with you. If he is acting happy around you all the time, he may feel like he has to protect you from what is going on in his life. Set a regular "date" with him, and always always honor it. Maybe you can get up extra early one day a week and take him to breakfast or make him something special. During this time, no phones, cell phones, texts or other interruptions. It is all about him.
You can do this, I promise. Let him know he is a priority for you. When he knows he has a solid anchor, he won't feel so tossed by the tides. Things may not seem like such a crisis when he knows he can count on this time with you.
I did a lot of things wrong with my kids, but they always always knew I had their back.
When they screwed up, I stood firm and insisted they paid the consequences. They grew to understand that meant I trusted them to do the right thing. They are men I am proud of today, independent and self-assured.
You can do this.

Answer 4

I would recommend getting him some counciling. Threats of severe violence are serious business and shouldn't be taken lightly. The counselor could better tell whether or not your child actually had the desire to stab someone, or was manifesting his anger or frustration into a statement that he believed would deter the recipient from continuing with an action that your son disliked. If it is the second case, your son needs to be taught that it is innappropriate and unacceptable to threaten someone with violence and also what some alternative (and more socially acceptable) courses of action are to deter people from doing or saying things that he doesn't like.

Answer 5

talk to your child. That's the best answer. My son is 11 years old and I talk to him everyday. How's school? He usually tells me everything that happened. Whether is was a good day or bad.

On bad days, I ask him what happened? Sometimes he says kids picked on him. Then I always ask, do you want me to step in and help you to resolve your problem? Sometimes he says yes, other times, he wants to handle problems on his own. That will make him more responsible.

I would just talk to your son and let him know that he can't make threats like that at school. Because other kids dont' like it. maybe your son thought he was saying nothing wrong. Or he's heard other kids saying it.

He's at that age where the boys are getting a little meaner and mouthier. Just keep good communication with him.

Don't get him counciling. When you get them involved. He will be labeled as a problem child.

Answer 6

First of all, I am sorry you have to deal with this. Parenting is tough and when things like this happen, that are so out of character for your child, it's so stressful.

Any chance that you can talk to the counselor at your child's school about the situation. Typically when kids say or do something that doesn't mesh with their personality, he/she does so because they are frustrated or upset about something. Talking with a counselor may help your son figure out why he got so upset in the first place. Then, together, they can discuss other ways to deal with anger and frustration.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I would just try to do some one on one time with your son because really I dont know what to tell you because Im a single parent too and I only have my church that me and my kids call family so if you ever need to talk give me a call some time sharon 407-2855825

Answer 8

Is your son involved in sports? I know a kid with worse behavioral problems then your son. His mother works a lot and when she isn't working she is going out on dates trying to find her next husband. She hardly spends anytime with her son. I suggested through a friend that she get him involved playing sports. She sent him to a baseball camp in the summer and he had a great time. He was actually smiling and laughing. It helped him to meet kids his age and it gave him something to look foward to everyday. With sports, you can also correct bad behaviour by not letting him go to a game or practice if he has misbehaved. Good luck!

Answer 9

have you sat him down and asked him why? i did with my son and its because he missed his father so much. my son does anger management now and its helped alot.

Answer 10

give him the definition of empathy, let him read it reinforce to him about what you have observed about his character and let him process it. now just keep reminding him about empathy...everything is good, repeat...keep smiling.