I see so many questions about who to invite, how to decide to invite, to a wedding. Here is a thought. If a couple is limited to a certain number of invitations, invite who really wants to come. If people are gung-ho and dying to be invited, invite them. If someone closer seems lukewarm and you get the feeling they don't care, do them a favor and don't invite them. I have been invited to weddings and declined, and sometimes accepted, that I felt it would have been easier not to be invited. Where I had no idea why they would invite me.
What do you all think?
2007-10-11 02:09:19 · 14 answers · asked by danashelchan 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's an idea I am floating out there. I remember my mom many years ago, invited to her sister's grandson's wedding, she kept saying "they wouldn't know me if they fell over me". My real point is, better to have a reception full of happy guests who really want to be there, than a bunch of 'duty attendees'.
And I was invited to a friend's daughter's wedding, who I am not close to, and her fiance never spoke to me. There had to be someone who would have wanted my invitation, which I was told to decline quickly, so they could invite the B list! I had no idea why I was on the A list.
2007-10-11 02:28:35 · update #1
Invite those who mean the most to you. Don't invite "lukewarm" people. Think about it this way? who has been the most helpful with your wedding? Who gave you good ideas, and helped you put them together? Who in your family (on both sides) are you close to? Who is the most supportive, and loving? These are the people you want on your special day. I have 40 people at my wedding that meant the most to me in the whole wide world. Most of them I keep in contact with. A few have drifted out of my life because of time, distance, and circumstances. So go with what makes you and your fiancee the happiest. I wish you much joy.
2007-10-11 03:10:51 · answer #1 · answered by navywife_2001 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You could very well start a huge fight that way. I see your point and actually agree, but what is your mother is lukewarm and your 5th cousin removed is all gung-ho? Creates a problem. If I were to have a wedding again...it would be small...and the invitees would be easy. They would be my parents, grooms parents, brothers/sisters on both sides, best man, maid/matron of honor, and the CLOSE aunts/uncles not the ones who only come around when there is a wedding or a funeral. If there are friends who have been by your side through thick and thin then I'd invite them as well. Other than that...the preacher, hehe, and if you wanted a flower girl or what not. That not only keeps it small, but even more memorable because all of the people who you truly care about and who truly care about you will be attending to help you celebrate the day and your happiness.
2007-10-11 02:18:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
When I imagine a guest list based on who is most eager to attend, my thoughts turn to those among my acquaintance who leap at any opportunity for free food and booze -- possibly the LAST people I'd care to invite.
Anyhow, we already have this system in place. If invitees don't care to attend, they send regrets instead of acceptance. I don't understand why anyone (excepting immediate family and very close friends) would hesitate to plead a previous engagement if invited to a wedding they'd rather not attend.
IMO, it would be a presumptuous mistake for hosts to attempt to "mind read" who would or would not care to attend. The way to find out if someone would like to attend your wedding is to ASK.
Here are two ideas why they would invite you. (1) One side is a huge family and lots of social connections and invites 100 people. The other side, with a small family and smaller social circle feels pressured to invite an equal number. (2) They invite everybody, even people who should have been deleted from their address book years ago, in the hopes of raking in more presents.
2007-10-11 02:31:35 · answer #3 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bride and groom (NOT parents) should invite who they want to invite. The parents can give a "wish list" of people THEY would LIKE to see at the wedding BUT the B&G get final say in the guest list.
2007-10-11 03:43:42 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your ideas work for your outer circle of friends and associates but shouldn't be applied to family (unless remote and distant). I feel that you should invite people that you care about or that are important to your parents or your future husband and his family. In other words, the former coworker that you haven't spoken to in two years even though you were invited to her wedding probably shouldn't be invited. Basically, make your invite list, pare it down to who you can invite and then send wedding announcements with a nice picture of you and your husband from the wedding to all those who didn't make the cut.
2007-10-11 02:17:21 · answer #5 · answered by Susan G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We invited everyone on our Christmas card list. And anyone who seemed interested in attending, and anyone who our parents thought we should invite. Including those random people who you wouldn't have thought to invite, but they heard about it and said they'd come if they were invited. We had a modest reception venue. The dinners were only about $10 per person. So a few extra people wouldn't kill us. The more the merrier! There was plenty of room there too.
2007-10-11 02:29:22 · answer #6 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the couple should invite who they want to invite. Because I know people who are dying to come to our wedding that we don't even really know and that we are not close to... and it is more important for us to invite our family and close friends rather than people who 'really' want to come. In the end, a lot of people say they will go and don't even show up.
2007-10-11 02:14:04 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Interesting theory! but normally the people that are dying to be invited to the wedding bring the worse gifts and just want the free meal and drinks and the lukewarms know that weddings are expensive and normally bring a great gift.
I'm inviting the people that I really care about only, it works for me.
Good luck
2007-10-11 02:18:06 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way... that person who is luke warm all the sudden FREAKS out when they don't get invited with their 5 kids and throws a ranting fit to every relative. We invited my fiance's mother's brother and his wife- She and her daughter threw a bloody fit that her daughter wasn't invited and harassed his family unti we agree to give them an invite. People are NUTS when they hear that dinner bell ringing.
See your a normal person and you would understand why you weren't invited- most people are not this way!
2007-10-11 02:26:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that could ever work--you're supposed to contact everyone beforehand to guage their excitement before you issue them an invitation? Then what, Aunt Sally doesn't get invited, but your work associate does, and you then tell Aunt Sally, 'sorry, you just didn't seem excited enough to be invited'? I could see that inviting a whole lot of hurt feelings.
2007-10-11 02:16:30 · answer #10 · answered by melouofs 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋