how do i get my 10 yr old to stop yelling at me?

Question

my oldest son is 10 and very rude i have tried everything from rewarding to giving him his own space and he still yells at me i feel like im not getting anywhere i dont know what else to do please help

ok guys this is the deal though i do spank him he does get punished frequently and i try to ignore whatever rudeness comes out of his mouth but nothing ever changes should i seek help

and also i am a gamer so we actually spend alot of time together we are alot alike we do alot together i dont know whats wrong do you think it could be puberty?

Answer 1

Increase both of your physical activity...Get outside, go for a hike, that way if he yells at you can walk away....He`ll get the point, but you need to tell him to start respecting you and your authority or privledges will be taken away. I have a 8 year old boy, ( he loves his four wheeler), you know I can just as easily take that away..Show your authority, that`s all it takes, pull out your cards. He needs to stop being bold.. But seriously, get outside with him...run off that energy and it helps keep a child out of trouble. When it`s nice out, my kids and I are outside...

Answer 2

Don't allow kids to be disrespectful... if you do it will only get MUCH worse into the teenage years. People say to ignore it, but I say PUNISH for it. Disrespect is disrespect whether he is yelling at you or spitting in your face. You'd punish him for spitting in your face, wouldn't you?

IMO the reason he yells at you is because to him, you are a pushover that will try to buy him off whenever you believe he's upset. Sit him down and let him know that it stops today, that you are his parent and the adult, and the next time he is disrespectful to you, you will be taking away some of those luxuries you have previously bestowed upon him. And do not back down. Every time he does it, take something else away and do not give it back until he has gone at least a week or two without mouthing off.

As Dr. Phil would say, a kid only needs a bed, a sheet, and a pillow in his room. Everything else is fair game.

Answer 3

You are rewarding him by trying to solve the problem. It is not a problem to be "worked out", it is a disciplinary issue.

Take away the Game Boy (or whatever other electronic toy you gave him). Every time he yells at you or is rude, make sure he loses something he wants.

You don't have to spank your child (not that there is anything wrong with that) in order to punish him.

Chores, loss of privileges, etc. will put a stop to his behavior--but only if you are consistent. Don't coddle him one moment, then discipline him the next time.

Answer 4

He seems to know how to work you. You are the grown up, he is the child but apparently, he's come to think it's otherwise. You're enabling him by not doing anything about it. Take away every little thing he enjoys. Don't negotiate with him, don't give in. Unless he can speak to you like a human being, and gives you the respect a parent deserves and is entitled to, do not address him, do not acknowledge what he has to say. Only reward him for good actions.

Answer 5

I have some questions for you. Is this only towards you? How long has it been goin on? Is something bothering him? Does he feel loved and respected?

I ask because truly I was the same way at 10 i used to scream and yell at my dad. Never to anyone else though. Just my dad. He's an alcoholic. Narcissic too. So i never felt respected and always on the defense. I was always feeling attacked. It was the only way i knew how to defend myself was to lash out.

I am not saying your situation is similar, I am just curious if he has other things going on in his mind. I didn't feel loved or respected so i didn;t show it back.

If nothing is going on (try talking to him to make sure) then it could very well be puberty. Still, not OK you need to be very clear about your expectations of him and what isn't acceptable. You need to give him other options of ways to release frustrations. He's only 10 he may not know those options so you need to tell him. You also need to be consistent and tell him what specifically will happen if things continue.

Answer 6

I was that they. Not no more. I'm pretty sure it's puberty. I used to just hate my parents and no reason to. Maybe if they didn't make what I wanted 2 eat. Stupid stuff like that. But, I learned tho I was grounded and spanked I learned. I was grounded from my favorite stuff. Do that to him, if he does sports don't let him go to three or four games. AND tell him why to. But, he'll be mad about that 4 awhile I was....I'm now 14 and much better. I'm also homeschooled that's wi I'm here this time a day.

Answer 7

With all the answers you've gotten already, I say completely ignore him, and I mean completely ignore, the way you ignore that rude person on their cell phone at a movie or the guy handing out pamphlets on a street corner. When the yelling starts, don't even look at him. If he gets in your way, walk around him or go the other direction. We ignore my step son when he's being disrespectful, when he whines, yells, screams. It used to take 15 minutes. Now, it's less than a minute. It works, but you can't give in, not the first time even if there are people around.

Answer 8

You will have to face the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, a sharp swat across the butt is the most appropriate approach. Be sure you're big enough to control him if he attempts to fight with you - if you're not, get his father to apply the swat on the kid's rear end.

There are those who will immediately rise up and condemn corporal punishment as outmoded and even abusive - yet these are the people who've never had to deal with an out-of-control child and who've never seen, as I have, the adult whose parents never used whatever means necessary to get him or her to behave acceptably. I saw them when I went to Auburn State Prison in New York to teach. I saw them in Elmira Psychiatric Center's adolescent unit when I went there to train in psychiatry. I see their names on slabs of marble and other durable materials in graveyards as I motor along on my way hither and yon.

To people who condemn all corporal punishment, I say "You don't know what you're talking about, so shaddup!"

Answer 9

Use reverse psycology on him.Talk to him and tell him that you love him very much and it really hurts your feelings when he does that,tell him that you dont deserve that kind of behavior,tell him that it is not going to be tolerated anymore that you are his mother and you are tired of him being disrespectful to you,and when he chooses to do that then you will take privilages away from him and stick to your words,dont let him get away with it,Im sure that he likes to go places or out with his friends .stop that from happenening,if you dont get a grip on it now he is gonna kick your butt in a couple more years.And If you yell at him tell him that you are not going to yell at him anymore and he is not going to yell at you and find something that he really likes to do and take it away from him.

Answer 10

I agree with Mrs. B. If done right and consistently spankings work great!

He needs to know you wont put up with that attitude with you. You are his authority figure who he lacks respect for. Time to earn your respect back. If not, disrespect will be a hamper on him the rest of his life.