2007-10-10 21:52:27 · 29 answers · asked by vee_michelle 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Listen to your heart. You can't bear to choose adoption, so don't!
I would suggest putting the thought of adoption out of your mind for now and focus on what you need to do to raise your child. Do you need financial aid? There are government programs that can help you:
http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/howtoapply/
Government program with contacts for each state WIC (Women, Infants, Children)
http://www.fns.usda.gov/fsp/
(Federal government food stamp program)
http://www.insurekidsnow.gov/
(Government health insurance for your child)
Here are some links for single moms, too:
http://www.singlerose.com/index.html?Rose_Session=34090e4615cd145d40264b034fcd574a
(This one has a message board you might find helpful)
http://singlemomsconnect.com/
http://www.singlemothers.org/
If people pressure you to think about adoption, it is okay to tell them that you are not considering that option. I don't think that adoption is something that you should even consider before your child has been born.
Others have given you good options on school, get your GED, go part time, take night classes, or classes online, or put it off for a bit until you and your baby are in a better situation. You CAN go back and get your education; you CAN NOT get your child back after the final adoption papers are signed. And I would not suggest foster care either.
I lost my child to adoption. I know how painful it is for both the mother and the child who are separated by adoption, so I can not recommend this as an option.
Here is another link for you:
http://www.motherhelp.info/
2007-10-11 08:56:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 10⤊ 0⤋
It's not a bad thought but, it doesn't work that way. I think first of all you should get some counseling as to what your choices are and also what parenting is all about. I can sympathize with your overwhelming desire to keep your baby but, the question also raises other red flags. It's as if you're saying -- I know i'm not ready right now to be a mother so, can I keep him and let him be taken care of by someone else until I am ready? Unfortunately, parenting doesn't work that way and it never will. If you want this baby, you need to have this baby NOW. You can't CHOOSE to have it both ways. I completely agree that finishing high school is very important. But, you will also find that once you are done with high school there will be other reasons why NOW won't be any more convenient for you to begin parenting this baby. It may sound harsh but, it really does work that way. Parenting can not a matter of convenience and it never is anywhere along the way. I think if you do find a way to arrange for temporary care of your baby -- you will find it nearly impossible to not keep that arrangement up. It begins to sound pretty good after a while -- keeping the baby so you can still be the mother but having someone else do a lot of the work involved so you can pursue your life. It doesn't ultimately matter what it is you want to be able to do and won't be able to do with the baby -- it just matters that you are considering wanting to "put the baby on hold" so you can go on with the life you have. You will often find the need to do that! We all do, even under the best of circumstances. Having a baby is a FULL TIME committment and it begins when you decide to keep the baby. Many people think it begins when you decide to let yourself possibly get pregnant but, once you are pregnant, it is too late to realize that your sacrifices have begun.
2007-10-11 05:54:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 0⤋
First I want to commend you on the decision to keep your child. Its a tough one to make, but giving up your child to adoption can be even tougher.
However, I must say, I don't know about putting it into foster care. Foster care isn't always the best place for children either, particularly infants. You don't nessisarily know what kind of home your child would be put into, and you don't always have a choice in the matter either.
Getting your child back could also be an issue, once the child is in the system, it isn't always just a matter of saying, ok, I want my baby back now.
I don't know whether or not you are in high school or college, but I would look at my options. If in college, perhaps you could put off schooling for a little while until your child is older. I also know that some schools offer daycare programs for when you are attending classes.
If you are still in high school, perhaps you can find someone to help you out? A parent perhaps, or another relative that could watch the baby while you are in school. There is also the option of getting your GED so that you can stay home with your baby most of the day and just go in for tutoring.
There are many options, you just have to look into them. I just don't know if putting your baby into foster care is the best one.
Possum has listed some websites for you to check out, do so. Find out what you can do to get through this period of your life.
I also don't know what state you are living in, but I know many have assistance programs for single mothers that would perhaps pay for child care for you so you can finish school.
Good luck to you.
2007-10-11 09:57:34 · answer #3 · answered by jade_frost82 3 · 10⤊ 0⤋
You are pregnant. Until your child is born and you look into her/his eyes, you cannot know how you will feel. There is a process that is going on right now with your baby, a process of bonding with YOU. S/he has already imprinted on you and, once born, nerve junctions in certain areas of YOUR brain will actually undergo reorganization, thereby making your maternal behaviors "hard-wired." You will feel differently than you do now, believe me.
Any decisions you make now will be irrelevant once your child is born. You can always finish school in a few years. Hundreds of thousands of people finish school later for various reasons. A baby needs his/her mother for 18 months MINIMUM (preferably 3 - 5 years). You will not be too old to finish your education in 2, 3, 4, or 5 years. I know many women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who are finishing their education! Plus, more and more schools offer online degrees. NOT a big deal! You can even find work-from-home jobs!
The demand for children by hopeful adoptive parents in this country is at such a critical high that, the second you let go of your child, they will gather like hyenas. Whoever gets custody of your child is most likely going to have a lawyer who will claim they are the "only parents your child has ever known" and you will never see your child again.
Please make the contacts that Possum has offered, and you will find people who will help you find a way, a really workable way, to keep your child with YOU - the only person s/he needs.
2007-10-11 16:09:58 · answer #4 · answered by Julie R 3 · 10⤊ 0⤋
No you can't get the baby back. Once the child is given up for any reason the government takes it from there. You can find a way to go to school and be a parent. You have the will now find the way. Ask a friend or relative to care for the baby while you are at school. If it's Highschool you are in then take night school classes to graduate, or just get your GED. You can do it. There are millions of single mothers out there going to school and working with kids.
2007-10-11 14:53:15 · answer #5 · answered by kelly 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I would try to get help from a family member first or finish school at night or on the weekends, but I wouldn't put a baby in foster care just because its not a convenient time for him/her to be born.
2007-10-12 11:44:24 · answer #6 · answered by wife2denizmoi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ignore advice that tells you to go to their site, and call their 800 #. Yikes! They are trolling for a baby. As my daughter says--yucky-doodle!
You need to keep your baby. Listen to Possum! Also--Originsusa.org, also adoptioncrossroads.com.
EVERYTHING will work out, I promise you. Family can help, but we have loads of programs in this country for you. I live in a university town, and there are things in place to make graduation totally possible.
For example, every college I've EVER heard of gives you free tuition if you work there. So you could be a receptionist, and get free tuition! Also, they have heavily discounted day care on campus. Plus there are loans.
No two parent home can take the place of a child's mother. YOU! Don't let ANYONE tell you that. It's garbage.
You can and will do it!
Hugs!
2007-10-11 12:04:48 · answer #7 · answered by Sunny 7 · 13⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you should do is really weigh out your options. Could you live with an open adoption where you still keep in contact with the baby but hand over the parenting role to someone else? Foster Care is not a very good option, it is putting your child on hold and allowing them to bond only to tear them away, for me, this would be the last option. Do you have someone who could help you? Really examine whether you are ready to act in your childs best interest. You know you have several options. Think them through, no one can do this for you. Make a permanent plan for you and the baby.
2007-10-11 14:18:38 · answer #8 · answered by Regina L 3 · 0⤊ 5⤋
No, but you can get help along the way. If you want to keep your baby, then it's going to be a struggle to keep him and get through school, but so worth it in the end. You do what you have to, to finish school AND mother your child. It's called have your cake and eat it too. Not easy, but not impossible. If family won't help you, the state will help you with food and housing and school. Good luck to you and your baby!
2007-10-11 08:15:23 · answer #9 · answered by ursobustedmr 3 · 10⤊ 0⤋
I would just keep the baby and finish school later, or let a family member take care of the baby!! Don't trust some foster care. I have heard of too many kids being abused in foster care.
2007-10-11 05:03:55 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥Mommy to 2 Divas♥♥ 7 · 10⤊ 3⤋