A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, 'when I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after Mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his @ss.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the $hit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his @ss.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2007-10-10 20:36:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
this is the best joke ive heard thanks for the laugh it was awesome really
2007-10-11 07:12:57 · answer #1 · answered by ♥FANCYS_MAMMA♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I remember when my mother brought a Xeroxed copy of this home from the court where she worked. She also worked in the church office part-time. She laughed so hard, I had to finish reading it for her. That was a long time ago, and I thank you for the memory.
2007-10-12 09:47:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I were given this mail in my inbox yrs in the past....yet until eventually eventually date everytime i open my account, i make it a level to study tht mail and performance a sturdy snort...... I study this shaggy dog tale as if i have been reading it for the first time and its continuously hilarious. the wonderful i like are 7, 9, 12.
2016-10-09 00:29:31 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bod Gless u LOL...'hic
2007-10-11 17:18:01 · answer #4 · answered by Sangy . 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice twist of words, lol.
2007-10-11 01:51:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tff ty hunny
2007-10-10 21:24:04 · answer #6 · answered by Gina B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
funny
2007-10-14 22:20:00 · answer #7 · answered by riti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh that was so funny my sides hurt!!!!!
2007-10-11 10:24:02 · answer #8 · answered by brneyedgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
laughed so hard I cried!
2007-10-11 08:56:14 · answer #9 · answered by Stephanie W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some are dirty!star for you!
2007-10-11 11:50:47 · answer #10 · answered by Christine$hotbabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋