Am I a bad mom?

Question

My family is on an odd schedule. My husband works nights 5pm-2am and it is quite a drive for him to get to work. So he has to leave an hour early and arrives an hour late. I am a stay at home mom and have a newborn and a toddler. (My toddler isn't old enough for preschool yet, so she has no reason to get up early.) I put her to bed at 11pm each night. She wakes up at 10am and has a nap at 4pm. We arranged her schedule so that she can see her dad when he is home. He sleeps until 1 in the afternoon and has to leave at 4 so he likes to have those three hours with her. When she would get up earlier she would want to take a nap at noon and would be down until 4 and he would miss her. So now we put her to bed late. My mom thinks I am a bad mother because I put her to bed so late. But the only reason I do it is so she can have quality time with her dad. Does this make me a bad mother?

Jeremy F, I'm sorry I'm about to be mean as well; because I know she gets plenty of rest and there is no way it is damaging to her health. This is more of a morale problem than a health issue, just want to know if it's worth it to mess up her schedule so that she can have time with her dad. Halfwit.

Answer 1

i'm no expert but as long as they child gets enough sleep for proper development they should be fine.

or it could permanently mess up their internal clock

Sorry but I am about to be mean
Finally, why not ask yourself whether you are bad mother for asking this on a forum instead of a pediatrician?

well then since you know she is getting enough sleep than why would you think you are a bad mom? You are obviously doing the best for your daughter and if anything that makes you a good mom.

oh and thanks for calling me a half wit hope it makes you feel good for insulting some who is trying to help you. The reason why I said that is because it sounded like a medical question. and I didn't want you taking advice from people online about a medical question. I'm sorry if I insulted you, but maybe you could phrase your question to be more specific, like "Is this morally wrong?" for stupid people like me.

By the way thanks for the answer. I appreciate your honesty. You are right and I again would like to apologize for being so rude.

Answer 2

You are not a bad mom. Kids are resilient. You are doing no damage. She seems to be getting enough sleep isn't she? It would be more damaging to her if she didn't get to see her dad. Does she seem like a happy, healthy kid? You are her mom and only you and her father are to determine what is best for your family. If the schedule has no bad effect on the kid, let the schedule stand. To heck with everyone else. Don't you just hate it when you are labeled something when you are only doing your best? It hurts but don't get sucked into it. She may have to be weaned into a different sleeping pattern when school starts, but if you do that slowly that won't be a problem either. Good luck and don't let what other people think. You'll always be damned if you do and damned if you don't. That's sad

Answer 3

Your not a bad mother and it is good that he wants to see his little girl making him a good father. I had to do a similar thing with my oldest son when my exhusband was working nights and the Dr told me that the only important thing is that they get enough sleep. About 10-12 hrs sleep or more if they need it. You don't want her to be exhausted and it is easy for people to say "that is wrong her staying up so late" because it is drilled into peoples heads that everyone should sleep at night but in all reality that isn't how things work out. You are the mother and you know what works for you, your husband and your daughter. If she is enjoying seeing daddy and he wants to see her it is ok right now. You will need to rearrange the schedule when your daughter hits preschool age (about 3 years old) to start to get her use to a school schedule but right now your husband can enjoy his bonding time with his daughter.

Answer 4

No, you are not a bad mom. As important as it is to set bedtime schedules early, I think that it is more important to spend quality family time. It may make it a little difficult once you start trying to get her to go to bed at earlier times, but for now it sounds like you have it timed pretty well. Along with all of that, I really like this link below. It points out the fact that every child is different. So it really will depend on your daughter. If she seems to be functioning well with the sleep schedule that you have for her, then you are doing great.

Answer 5

If you are, then I am too. My husband works from 4:30 pm to 2:30 am and we have kind of the same schedule at our house to accommodate daddy time. Toddlers need about 13 hours of sleep per day (give or take, depending on the child). As long as they are getting enough sleep, you are in no way harming your children. Remind your mom that letting them bond with their father has countless benefits, both immediate and in the future for your children as well as your husband.

Your only concern may come up when you have to rearrange your schedule for preschool; even then, you can slowly adjust your child to the new schedule ahead of time. (Personally, I keep hoping a night school will open up for kids whose parents aren't lucky enough to have 9 to 5 jobs.)

Answer 6

Are you a bad mom for arranging your kid's schedule so they have time with their dad? Nope. Like you pointed out, she has no reason to get up early in the morning, so until she is ready to go to school, there is nothing wrong with it. As to "messing up her internal clock" as someone suggested, she sleeps at night and is up during the day... that is messing with her internal clock how? I go to bed around 1 in the morning and get up at 7. Same principle. Mom needs to mind her own business and see that having a kid be close to her dad is a lot more important than adhering to someone else's idea of a proper "schedule". If you know she is getting enough sleep, that's all that matters.

Answer 7

No. I had to explain to my family what I was doing too. My daughter used to go to bed at 10 p.m. but sleep until 9 a.m. or 10 a.m. when she was a baby. Everyone thought I was not letter her sleep enough because she was up late. I explained to them that she was still getting 11 to 12 hours a sleep a night as well as a 3 hour nap during the day. I didn't have to be anywhere because I work from home. Only parents who have to wake their kids up early to go to work and daycare have to put their kids to bed at 7 p.m. or earlier. Try and explain that your daughter is still getting all of her sleep. Seeing daddy is much more important than having to be in bed at a certain time. You're a great mom!

Answer 8

I would have to agree with the majority and say that you are definatley not a bad mom for the sleep schedule that your daughter has. There are many parents in the same boat as you and I agree that it's awesome your husband wants to be part of her life. It's not that hard to see when a toddler needs more sleep, so you would definately see by her behavior whether she is getting adequate sleep or not. If she is happy, I wouldn't worry a bit:o)

Answer 9

You are a great mom. You are thinking about your child and your husband. Your child is not school-aged, hence she has no reason yet to adjust to the school schedule. I have a great pediatrician who has always told me with all my kids that it is up to the mother to determine when bedtime is as long as they are getting adequate sleep. Frankly, my husband works alot of hours and he doesn't get home until later in the evening so I also let them go to bed a bit later than my neighbors. It really is great for both my kids and him to see each other and allow him to "tuck" them into bed which has become part of their nightly ritual. Your mom is still probably old-fashioned with raising children as most older generation moms are. Sometimes people can't seem to relate to your situation. She is just a concerned grandma, grandmas are always voicing their opinions whether or not it is relative to your circumstances. Trust me, I know...lol.

Answer 10

I think you are wonderful. Many Daddy's don't get to spend any time with their children.

You are sensible and thoughtful - it's not as though she has to go anywhere!! I can tell you are aware of her needs and no doubt when she has to start pre-school then you will cross that bridge when you come to it and she may then have a different schedule.

If it works for you, that's awesome. Good on you.

(my husband works night shifts too - so I know the challenges there. Until they started school my kids had unusual routines compared to others - but they were happy and well adjusted - then when they started school they changed to earlier bed-times - no problem whatsoever)

Answer 11

NOT at ALL !!!
A MOTHER IS A MOTHER !!!
THERE IS NOTHING CALLED GOOD MOTHER AND BAD MOTHER....
U DID WHAT WAS BEST FOR UR HUSBAND BECAUSE U LOVE HIM..SO YOU THOUGHT BOUT HIS FEELING THAT MAKES YOU A GREAT WIFE....
NOW AS FAR AS A BABY IS CONCERNED....new born usually sleep a lot but its best that they sleep for 11 hours daily.rest of the time can be used to enjoy their company ..so go ahead and plan when u would want the baby to sleep and when u dont but also keep in mind if the baby starts feeling uncomfortable then stop with the schedule.
how about 3days in a week she stays awake for ur husband and others 4 days let baby sleep !!