Do you think I am asking for too much from hubby?

Question

He studies full time and I am a stay at home mum. I look after our daughter and that is pretty much it. I do housework mainly when he is at home to help out and I cook after he cleans the kitchen (usually) I don't want to do too much of the domestic stuff because I will feel as though I am accepting the role of a stereotypical housewife and I am against having to do all that crap on my own. Most days I just go out with friends, visit them, go out for lunch, go shopping and the like. Usually when my husband is home from work or uni or wherever I will be asking him to do housework with me, a lot of women are saying to be a good wife by letting him be the head of the household and it is pissing me off, I would rather us be equal, I don't want to give a man power over me, do you think it's because I was raised in a single mother household?

I make money as well from my small business so it's not like he is the sole provider or anything! People always assume that the husband is paying for everything, NEXT year he will pay for everything lol

I take my daughter out with me and she plays with the other kids... I am still looking after her and I always bring her home for her nap, please don't criticise my mothering because I am a great mum and I love my daughter to bits.

Answer 1

When you do ask him to help, does he develop an attitude? Listen, I'm sure if he weren't doing so much right now that he would more than likely put in a better effort at helping out with the chores around the house. Also, no one said that marriage was going to be a piece of cake, it takes a lot of work in itself...from both of you. And remember, you need to be able to find a tactful and calm approach of communicating your concerns to him. Afterall, communication is key because you don't want to come off as a spiteful and bitter person when he is trying his best to further his education and bringing home the bacon.

As for you and your days, try to cherish those moments that you get to spend with your daughter. Believe me, they are precious and few and you are in a great place right now to be able to do that. Don't look at your position now as being a burden, you might end up taking out your bitterness on your daughter, even though you don't mean it. It's been said that we only hurt the one's we love...so please be careful. Look at yourself as not serving your husband...moreso, serving the Lord and praising Him for placing you in your wonderful marriage and being blessed with a beautiful daughter!

I'm sure that your friends would love to be in the position you are in; to be able to spend time with their children, having a small business of their own, having free time throughout the day...think about it! Girl, you are blessed and you don't even know it. Take off the blinders! Also, the only way your husband can gain power over you is if you relinquish it. Besides, is it really about who has the power? I was under the impression that folks get married because of the LOVE they have for one another?

One day, find a babysitter, have the house cleaned, have a nice dinner ready with a nice romantic setting, and wear something sexy. Afterwards, the two of you can GET BUSY (if ya know what I mean?), and then have a nice loving talk about what's been bothering you. I'm sure you guys will be just fine...COMMUNICATE! Take care and God bless!

Answer 2

Let me tell you something... You've got a pretty good deal going there!!

I am in the same position, hubby studying full time as well but he isn't working and we are living on the breadline so I can't afford to go shopping or out with friends for lunch and I have to do all the housework, shopping for food, child care, dishes, cooking, washing etc....

Being the head of the household should not mean that he is lording it over you, only that you are able to continue living life the way you are which sounds pretty good to me.

I don't think that being the housewife makes a woman any less equal than a man provided you are both making the major decisions together in life and enjoy the role you have as a stay at home mum.

Answer 3

First off, no one has power over you. Only you can control you. If you chose to let someone else make all your decisions for you then you deserve what comes your way.
I imagine that if you get to go out and meet with friends and lunching and such, that he does the same by going out with his friends and escapes home for a break once in awhile.
I imagine he or you must have some form of income to live this lifestyle. It sounds more to me like you just want a maid to do everything around the house so you can go out and play. When you say "when he is home", does that mean he is at school or work trying to keep food on the table or a roof over your heads. Will his studies provide for a better job and thereby a good job that will provide for a good lifestyle for the both of you. Then you can hire a nanny to take care of the kid and a maid to take care of things around the house instead of doing something below you like keeping a tidy home while he should also contribute but studying is good if you are distracted that way he can maybe not get that better education and can work in a mill somewhere for $10 bucks an hour. Oh well.. To each their own. Hope you get your needs filled cause it sounds like he will be doing everything else.

Answer 4

How do you take care of your daughter when you are out shopping, eating out with friends, etc?

It sounds to me like you're just lazy and selfish. If he works full time and studies and you have a home business and that's all (you're not in school), then YOU should be doing more of the housework.

You're not looking to be equals, you want him to do all the work while you go off playing.

Answer 5

First of all do NOT go to the Mormons! It has nothing to do with Mormons or not.

It sounds to me as if you have it made and your husband, works, studies AND does housework. I think roles are ridiculous. If you love each other, you BOTH contribute to the household. Sounds to me like HE contributes more.

However, that being said, we have different roles, because we are different people and bring different things to the table. There is nothing wrong with having traditional roles, there is also nothing wrong with being equal. What you need to do is bring 100% and he brings 100% and neither can go wrong...it's not a 50/50 thing. Each party needs to give it their all and neither will feel slighted.

That said, go the BIBLE, not LDS stuff....the BIBLE has clear definitions and if you look at women's roles, they were leaders, prophets, business women and while people like to twist things to say women were lesser and need to submit...remember, it also tells us submit One to ANOTHER..and Husbands love your wives. So, do not feel slighted or upset, ya, maybe the single parent thing plays a role, but don't get too caught up in that. Bring your all...both of you, and neither will fall short!

Answer 6

Yes you are asking too much. Get a job and then ask him to help with the housework. It is not the term wife that is at issue, it is the way a partner in a relationship should assume the responsibilities at hand by the ability and time that is available to them. One child? Get a grip! And get off the party train and do something of value!

Answer 7

this is my view on things, if I was at home all day then I would view it as my "job" to clean, cook, do the laundry etc. If your hubby is out either at work or studying then I do not think it too much to ask that you look after the house for now, it might not be that way forever. My hubby and I share the house work as we both work full time, but I really do feel that if you are at home then you should be looking after the home.

Answer 8

Uh yes! What makes you think your husband has the power anyway? He helps out around the house so that shows he is not ignorant in who does what.

There should never be a head of a household everything should be equally shared, that's what responsibility is about. I mean if you f****d up at least you can put half of the blame on him lol.

Answer 9

i think its okay to ask help from your husband with household chores once in a while...but you have to take into consideration that he is working and studying at the same time...and he's doing these things to support you and your child...he's not doing these things for fun...so im sure when he gets some time off he'd like to rest and do some things to help him relax (watch tv, hobbies, etc) ...since you are a stay-at-home mom...you have all the chances to do fun things (visit friends, go out and shop)...so don't take it against him when he cant help you all the time...give him a break once in awhile...after all you cant do your fun things without him providing you money for them...

Answer 10

if you wanted it equal then you would get a job and go to school and do half the work at home like he is doing now

look you dont go to work and punch a clock

he should help at home but remember just how much he is doing to help your family