A wedding Invitation saying in lieu of gifts, we are requesting money?

Question

I was shocked? I should have thought of that when I got married, I have a large wedding, and lets say I got 50 dollars from each quest, I would have had it made when I first got married. Anyway is this poor etiquette, or is this a scam? I think I will get them a gift card, that is money isn't it?

Answer 1

Whatever happened to the days when you invited people to an event solely because you hoped to enjoy the pleasure of their company. If the bridge and groom are really strapped for cash, they probably shouldn't be throwing money away on a wedding. A few minutes in front of a justice of the peace, and they'll be just as married as a couple who spent thousands of dollars.

Maybe you should show up with buckets and buckets of loose change (foreign coins would be even better). Be sure to loudly ask the hostess, "Is this enough money to cover the cost of admission? The invitation wasn't clear on how much the bride and groom are charging for today's performance. If you think they're worth more, I'll see what I can dig out of my seat cushions."

Seriously, a gift card is plenty generous, and probably more than they deserve ;)

Answer 2

Chok_Neth is quite right, of course ~ there is definitely a cultural thing with wedding gifts, but if these young folk are part of a culture where a money gift is the tradition, surely you'd already know about it and would not be surprised to receive this request.

I'd be almost tempted to give a gift accompanied by a card saying "In lieu of money, I'm giving this gift". I would be willing to bet you don't get it back!

The thing is ... it's started now. Within the next few years this will be the norm.

Oh well, I guess it makes giving a wedding gift easy, but it's just so, so .... well, I guess tacky IS the word!

Cheers :-)

Answer 3

I am so glad that all my friends except one is married, and all the ones I am close to, the kids are married. I don't have to do this money grubbing, gimme money thing.
Oh, how tackey and rude!
And as a result, there are stories everwhere of strangers walking into a wedding, and making off with the card box. Wonder why? It's because it is Fort Knox!
I truly would think twice about attending, or even sending a gift. And if somebody asked I would be truly pressed not to say, well, I was sitting at home waiting for you to tell me what to wear! and yes, I've seen and heard the stories that the guests are told in the invite what color to wear.
Where is the fun in opening a bunch of cards, you know the bride and groom do not bother to read them. and what a great way to do a thank you list! There is the gift and the return address in one envelope. Oh, sorry, I forgot, nobody sends thank you notes anymore!
I like presents. You get a package to open, it's fun. If a bride does her registry right, and spreads the word where she is registered, [and not in any invitations], she will get just what she wants.
It is not a scam, they are asking for money so they can buy big ticket items like a honeymoon, a big screen tv, like that. Nobody wants a blender anymore [except me, mine broke!], they want a new kitchen!.
PS, the unmarried friend is getting money, she's picky!

Answer 4

You don't need to announce any of this on the invitation. As long as you are providing food and seating for your guests, then you don't need to give them advance notice of anything else. The only time you would notate the type of reception on the invitation would be if you weren't serving a full meal. That way, people would be aware that they should make plans to eat beforehand/afterward so that they're not famished. The time of day would clue them into the fact that there won't be lunch or dinner (example, a reception at 11 p.m., 2 p.m., or 9 p.m. would call for snacky-type foods rather than a meal, since those are not traditional mealtimes), but you would also write "Light refreshments to follow" (something like cheese, fruit, and cake) or "Cocktail reception to follow" (hors d'oeuvres only) or "Dessert reception to follow" (fruit and sweets/cake) so that people know not to expect a meal. Your invitation could say something like: Jane Anne Smith and Paul Ryan Jones request the pleasure of your company as they exchange marriage vows Thursday, the thirty-first of October two thousand thirteen five o'clock in the evening Reception to follow *** Side note: You're really expecting people to attend a Thursday wedding? Be prepared for a lot of declines.

Answer 5

I think requesting money is rude and shallow. Anyway, it's not an obligation for you to get them anything just because you were invited even though most people bring a gift or money out of common courtesy. These people have shown no courtesy to their prospective guests by requesting money from them. I say you get them whatever you feel like getting them, money, a gift card, a present of your choosing. It's the thought that counts, not the amount or the item.

We went to a wedding this summer where the registry was at stores with very trendy, high ticket items like $400 organic cotton comforters and other stuff like that. The things that were actually affordable for us were random things that I didn't feel made a very memorable gift, so I went out and got a few items that I thought were very nice and would suit the tastes of the bride and groom even if not on their registry. If they don't like it, they can always return it for the money they requested.

If you're a real smarta**, you could always give them foreign currency like euros or pesos--they were specific enough to ask for cash, but not specific enough to note which currency.

Answer 6

Miss Manners would consider this a breach of etiquette. It's considered rude and in poor taste. Why not just ask the guests to pay an admittance fee or a cover charge? It would be just as bad.

I don't know about the gift card. They may not consider it money, because they may have a specific plan for all the money they are getting.

The thing to remember is that gifts are never mandatory for any occassion. A gift is something a person gives because he/she wants to, not because it is ever required. So, you really don't have to give anything except an RSVP that you are attending or not attending.

Answer 7

I think that's terrible. Yes, it's very poor etiquette. You are invited as a guest to celebrate their marriage, they should not dictate what type of gift you offer.

I say, get what you want to get them and don't feel obligated to give money or even a gift card. Technically, you have up to a year to give them a gift, so send them something in the mail after the wedding.

Answer 8

Asking for cash outright is pretty tacky.

Wedding gifts are very cultural and regional. Here in the Northeast, the expectation is something on the registry, a tasteful gift or enough cash to cover your plate at the reception ($75-$125) per guest.

For this reason I hate getting wedding invitations. It's like getting a utility bill in the the mail.

Answer 9

i think it really depends on your culture. i'm from the philippines by the way. i think, during the 80s and the 90s people would really react if they see that request in the invitation but now, i've actually been to a lot of wedding where the couple asks that money be given instead of gifts...so i guess it's more acceptable now.

Answer 10

i say give them $5 cash! thats more than they deserve!
better yet a roll of quarters!
im sorry, but that is SO tacky!!! i saw an evite wedding invitation on of my coworkers recieved, asking for money in lieu of gifts so they could use it for their honeymoon trip- they shouldnt take a trip if they cant afford it!!!! everyone in the office was talking about it, that is just SO tacky. They are inviting you to celebrate with them, it is your option to get them a gift, now for them to TELL you to give them money is just rude!! No way would i even be going!

If they are asking for money to compensate for the money they are spending on the wedding then they have no business even having a wedding, they should elope!